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Prologue: Greetings and salutations! Sorry about the slight delay in this recap, all. I spent 700 (well, it felt like 700) hours in the emergency room Monday night waiting to get 14 stitches. I sliced my leg open on some slate steps at my friend’s pool. Party foul! ;- (
It’s okay though, cause I’m getting a night off work out of it, AND I’m suing my friend now. Kidding…but about which part of that statement? ;- )
Anyway, I am working through my injury (leg stitches make it really hard to type…) to bring you your weekly dose of Miss Advised!
Previously: Lewis finally got his SAG card and was able to “break up” (for those who consider 2.5 horrendous dates a relationship) with Amy, Emily was David-Rubin-David-Rubin-David-Rubin. Oh sorry, I meant Emily was invited to join ANOTHER threesome (some of us can’t even get an invite to Chili’s, let alone to group sex), and the earth shifted off its axis when a person Julia met by being a Facebook stalker invited her on a second date.
But let’s get to it, because I’ve already kept you waiting long enough….
EMILY (San Francisco)
As usual, the first Emily scene is with her and Menace at work. A phone sex operator is coming in. Emily says phone sex is a great way for couples to communicate their desires when they’re not face to face. Uhh yeah, maybe before internet porn/sexting/video chat existed. I’m waiting this to lead to the inevitable topic of David Rubin, because did you know he lives in Michigan? Emily asks the woman how she got into being a phone sex operator. In the words of Simon Cowell, I’m not trying to be mean, but… I think it’s because she has what some might call a face for radio.
Face for phone sex.
AND HERE IT IS…Emily needs some tips pronto, cause she’s got this guy now “that’s a little long distance.”
Wait. Emily is talking with someone from far away? Could that person be from Michigan? And her crush from 5th grade? And recently divorced? And a sex in the butt aficionado? I hope we hear this story a few more times this episode, cause I need these questions cleared up.
Menace says he and Em should do a phone sex demo, as a semi-practice type thing should phone sex with David Rubin ever become necessary. It’s really awkward and Emily describes in not-sexy-at-all detail his hardness. She might as well be reading from a medical textbook. Menace outdoes himself yet again, drolly stating, “that’s very descriptive.”
Later, Emily meets up with her BFF Ruby, who informs us that Emily has had more sex in the past month than she (Ruby) has had in her life. Emily says she recently “cleaned house” — apparently before the show that was supposed to chronicle what a Samantha she is started filming. Side note: On-the-ball commenter Momi has a theory that Emily was already dating the Rube before filming for the show began, and that all these weird dates are just HRG-endorsed setups. Loving that theory, except for the fact that HRG NEVER puts his minions up to these kind of shenanigans… ;- )