Miss Advised Recap: A Tale of Two Parties

Recaps

By Pillania | Tuesday, July 24, 2012 | 5:06 pm | 7 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Miss Advised, Recaps

 Just Cause

Prologue: Greetings and salutations! Sorry about the slight delay in this recap, all. I spent 700 (well, it felt like 700) hours in the emergency room Monday night waiting to get 14 stitches. I sliced my leg open on some slate steps at my friend’s pool. Party foul! ;- (

It’s okay though, cause I’m getting a night off work out of it, AND I’m suing my friend now. Kidding…but about which part of that statement? ;- )

Anyway, I am working through my injury (leg stitches make it really hard to type…) to bring you your weekly dose of Miss Advised!

Previously: Lewis finally got his SAG card and was able to “break up” (for those who consider 2.5 horrendous dates a relationship) with Amy, Emily was David-Rubin-David-Rubin-David-Rubin. Oh sorry, I meant Emily was invited to join ANOTHER threesome (some of us can’t even get an invite to Chili’s, let alone to group sex), and the earth shifted off its axis when a person Julia met by being a Facebook stalker invited her on a second date.

But let’s get to it, because I’ve already kept you waiting long enough….

EMILY (San Francisco)

As usual, the first Emily scene is with her and Menace at work. A phone sex operator is coming in. Emily says phone sex is a great way for couples to communicate their desires when they’re not face to face. Uhh yeah, maybe before internet porn/sexting/video chat existed. I’m waiting this to lead to the inevitable topic of David Rubin, because did you know he lives in Michigan? Emily asks the woman how she got into being a phone sex operator. In the words of Simon Cowell, I’m not trying to be mean, but… I think it’s because she has what some might call a face for radio.

Face for phone sex.

AND HERE IT IS…Emily needs some tips pronto, cause she’s got this guy now “that’s a little long distance.”

Wait. Emily is talking with someone from far away? Could that person be from Michigan? And her crush from 5th grade? And recently divorced? And a sex in the butt aficionado? I hope we hear this story a few more times this episode, cause I need these questions cleared up.

Menace says he and Em should do a phone sex demo, as a semi-practice type thing should phone sex with David Rubin ever become necessary. It’s really awkward and Emily describes in not-sexy-at-all detail his hardness. She might as well be reading from a medical textbook. Menace outdoes himself yet again, drolly stating, “that’s very descriptive.”

Later, Emily meets up with her BFF Ruby, who informs us that Emily has had more sex in the past month than she (Ruby) has had in her life. Emily says she recently “cleaned house” — apparently before the show that was supposed to chronicle what a Samantha she is started filming. Side note: On-the-ball commenter Momi has a theory that Emily was already dating the Rube before filming for the show began, and that all these weird dates are just HRG-endorsed setups. Loving that theory, except for the fact that HRG NEVER puts his minions up to these kind of shenanigans… ;- )

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Pillania
About

Picture the most luxurious lifestyle you could imagine, then multiply that by 50.

Now you have begun to understand Pillania, a hypochondriac/grad student/waitress/TV watcher who recently moved back in with her parents while she completes her degree program. She is constantly getting into jams, including but not limited to being "trapped" in the garage of people for whom she was housesitting, causing an accident inside of a car wash, and spilling soda all over her state representative's head whilst serving him at the restaurant.

7 Comments

  1. 1
    Momi
    Posted July 24, 2012 at 7:47 pm

    Like always your recap is great!!! Love the captions under the pictures. I am going to sound like a total loser but I can not wait until Mondays to read it!
    I had watched the show and by the time I started to read your recap I’ve already forgotten all Emily screen time. There is something unauthentic about all that blabbing about how much she doesn’t like monogamy…I also wonder why Rubin still hasn’t come?? He probably only gives her the time of day because he expects lots of hot sex from a sex expert. And love how everyone wonders about sex in the butt with her. lol.

    Julia is beyond crazy, but I love that scene with her dog swimming above the sink…so cute! JP looked really anorexic, but I agree she is the voice of reason and loved her singing! I watch WWHL and she acted strange and had the crown on AGAIN, and I don’t think it was her birthday!
    Now Amy… I don’t know why but I find myself rooting for Amy, on her date she finally let it go and was quite likable, but she was rude to Tina in her house. That party was a disaster, I couldn’t concentrate on anything that was going on because I was blindsided by those ugly shoe covers. Who does this to their guests and I don’t know why no one opted to walk barefoot? Surely pretty feet are better than blue rags on them.
    Thank god this show isn’t over yet so I can still wait for next hilarious recap.
    So sorry about your leg Pillania : (

  2. 2
    MrsMiaWallace
    Posted July 25, 2012 at 6:09 am

    @Momi – I would opt for the booties… heels make your legs look great, especially in a minidress and frankly I never wear flats so I feel like I’m walking around like a plow-hand without heels on. Not sexy

    Great recap, I have been avoiding this show and saw this episode only. The anti-monogamy one seems one more threesome away from a total breakdown and I hate to say it but I thought Amy was right about Tina. Probably could have been more tactful and helpful, like “you are a powerful independent woman and that’s a good thing, but make sure you are allowing your date to take the lead at times since you’re used to doing everything for yourself”. Something besides “you’re a man, man-hands”.

    And Julia. Hate Julia. Hate Julia and want her to be buried in a bunker with Heidi Montag and Michele Salahi and every other manufactured neurotic who is desperate for Fame At All Costs. I read some hate blog that said that she was friends with Meghan McCain by stalking her on FB too so that may be how she finds love.

    These girls make Patti Stanger, the Hollywood Madame, look reasonable and wise in ways of love. How is that possible!??!?

  3. 3
    Big Lamb
    Posted July 25, 2012 at 7:18 am

    so awesomesauce…

    btw I was really worried when I got to the bottom of page 3 and you haven’t even gotten through the Amy party yet! I thought that you had given up on Julia but I sighed in relief that page 4 was wayyyy longer than pages 1-3 ;-)

  4. 4
    NotAlway'sPerfekt
    Posted July 25, 2012 at 9:49 am

    Again Pillania, you’ve managed to recap this mess of a show expertly! And wounded to boot! I really enjoy reading your recaps!!! Thank you! :-)

  5. 5
    labowner
    Posted July 25, 2012 at 10:09 am

    Pillinia I am sorry to hear about your leg. Hopefully the accident happened towards the end of the party and not the beginning.

    I am still on the side of the road that Emily is all talk and no do.

    Julia there are no words. Adam and Drew would be taking bets on what happened to her growing up that makes her this way.

  6. 6
    OutHouseCat
    Posted July 25, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    Oh God! I knew better than to click on page 4. I knew it was the crazy Julia page, but I did it anyway. I’m going to have to overcome my total fear of flying, get on a plane to Cali, and slap that bitch. Hopefully they’ll be another earthquake soon, just at her apartment, and she’ll fall into the ocean. But even Nemo wouldn’t associate with that crazy beeotch.

    Hope your leg gets gets better soon, Pillania. Even if my first thought was that this show made you into a cutter. lol At least you probably have good drugs to help you get thru this hot mess.

  7. 7
    NewYawka
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    Poor Julia – Lost in time….a 13 year old in a a grown womans body. Pink Lolipops n Poodles for her! Weeee!
    Emily – sleezy. Perfect spokesperson for venereal diseases.
    I forgot the last ones name, ya know, the aged valley-girl who like has like all the answers but like cant help
    herself. OMG!

    Anyhoo, I couldn’t stand this show so I stopped watching it.

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