Miss Advised Recap: A Tale of Two Parties

Amy walks away, but Tina starts telling everyone how rude Amy is. She begins harassing Amy, needing to talk to her NOW. It’s really not the time or place and you know what that means…….. All the best Bravo fights come when someone brings something up that’s wrong place/wrong time!! To Amy’s credit, she keeps trying to get away, but not without making snarky comments like how much has Tina had to drink? And is everyone seeing what a psycho she’s being?

At one point, Amy is walking away, and Tina grabs/brushes/does something to Amy’s arm. When Amy spins around, her drink (which was in her other hand), spills on Tina. I watched this scene several times and I’m still not sure if that was intentional or not, but either way I loved it. Tina freaaaaaakssss ouuuuuttttt, but still maintains enough levelheadedness to inform everyone that not only was the drink spilled on her clothes, but her ARMANI, no less. She follows Amy again, telling her that was rude and trailer park. She’s firing Amy. Huh. Didn’t see that coming. But I have to say… THIS IS THE KIND OF RIDICULOUS DRAMA I HAVE BEEN WANTING FROM THIS SHOW!! It only took 6 weeks but it’s about time HRG!!! Bless you, Tina. Bless you.

Amy says this isn’t turning out to be a fun party. Well, speak for yourself. It is for us, and that’s all that matters. Tina has left the building, but suddenly Guy Fieri is standing there with a guitar. Guy Fieri says he’s going to play some love music on the guitar, and by playing guitar I mean he mostly just slaps the part of the instrument with the hole in it (is that the technical musical name?) with his hand. The camera cuts to Amy throughout his performance (that’s an overstatement), and her expression is that of someone who thinks this person she’s never interacted with is her soulmate. Anddd… she’s back to being the crazy one.

Thought I was dreamin’, when you walked your ass through that door/I thought I’d been there but I haven’t /Now I know its true You got me singin’ every note, whoaaaa/Youre playing every chord about Amy…     Those are word-for-word the lyrics.

Guy F. Is very sorry Amy got in a fight at the party, and invites her to an apple orchard for the next day. Instead of being normal, she asks what she should wear. She also doesn’t like his hair, but beggars can’t be choosers, girlfriend.

When Fieri picks her up, Joseph bids them adieu by saying have fun and be safe. You know, just an average phrase people say sometimes. Because Amy takes everything literally, she asks if apple picking is dangerous. Sigh. Maybe for her, because she’s wearing boots with a 6 inch heel to an orchard. (Props again to HRG for authorizing another fun date).

In the car, Fieri asks when her last long-term relationship was. If she says Lewis, I’ll die. Okay no, she said 2007. She tells Fieri all the rules she’s broken so far with him. WHY?? Just try to have a decent time. At the orchard, I learn something you are not going to believe.

I couldn’t wait to share it with you all.

Guy Fieri informs Amy that the general business of apple orchards is to grow things like apples, then sell them in various forms- i.e. pie, preserves, etc. Mindblowing.

Amy buys a pie so she can have a “cheat day.” Who is this woman?! They pet some farm animals, and Amy has a nice time and behaves in a way that start to make her eerily resemble a normal person.

Meeting of the minds.

I don’t really have anything snarky to say about her on this date. Maybe I am really overtired and a little out of it?

They pick exactly one apple each as classical music plays in the background. I do kind of love that the production minions are giving her the Alex and Simon RHONYC treatment circa seasons 1 and 2. Well played, HRG.

The date ends with pie and a piggy back ride. The irony that she’s eating PIE after the chicken pot pie/Lewis fiasco is not lost on me.

A moment on the lips, forever on the hips. ;- )

JULIA (LA)

Julia’s having her one month anniversary with LA, but even it probably can’t stand her anymore. She and JP are throwing a dinner party in a few days. Her ex (Taylor, not Jack McCain) is coming, as is Facebook friend Andrew. We met Andrew last week when she took him on an over-the-top prom themed date. Julia knows Andrew because she saw him on a random Facebook page and started stalking him. I don’t care how good of terms you are on with the ex, why would you invite your ex AND someone you’ve been on one date with to the same party? How is that fair to the new person? But this is Julia, so let’s not spend too much time pondering that particular Q.

Apparently Andrew’s RSVP isn’t 100%, because he might not be able to make it in from San Francisco. Why didn’t HRG’s minions set him up with Emily? Andrew calls and, alas, he’s stuck in San Fran for work. Julia tells us in an interview scene that a person should NEVER have to convince a guy to come see her. Which is why she keeps begging him to come after work. As she starts to become shrill and ridiculous, voice of reason JP tells her to STFU and call later when she’s chilled out.

Well, that was your sanity quotient for this episode.

Julia reminds me of myself when I was in 6th grade and in love with a boy named Joey. ALL the girls in 6th grade were in love with him. I asked him to be a partner on a project and he said no. I asked 20 more times. I even wrote one of those notes where you write back with your answer of yes/no/maybe. Then I turned 13 and stopped doing stuff like that, for the most part. Just sayin’… ;- )

Andrew says they can talk tomorrow, so I assume Julia will call him minimum 80 times later. When her ex, Taylor, shows up, Julia keeps insisting her holds her dog. He doesn’t want to, but she nags him until she does and then takes a bunch of pictures. This scene really had no value, but is just another example of the WTF-ness that is Julia. She confides to Taylor that she’s been being super annoying to Facebook pal/prom date Andrew. Here are some synonyms to the word “expect” that describe Andrew’s reaction perfectly: anticipated, foreseen, presupposed, understood, envisaged.

All throughout dinner, Julia can’t stop thinking about Andrew. The doorbell rings and………………..

If you guessed Andrew had shown up, you have a basic understanding of how HRG and his minions work. Julia falls to the floor when she sees him, because what’s the sense of acting normal.

No, she literally falls to the floor.

Even after he walks in, she still is kneeling/laying all over the floor saying OMG in a hysterical voice. It’s completely mortifying for all involved, including the dog.

Can we start up a Save Lily cause thing? 

Andrew says he came pretty much because he felt bad because Julia was acting like such a desperate loser. He quickly recovers and says he came to be romantic (unlike Lewis, Andrew’s SAG status is still pending). JP is about to sing, and girlfriend must think signing on to be Julia’s roommate is going to translate into a record deal. She sings a song about Julia’s checklist, and we learn about some points we hadn’t heard before. Items include dressing like a prep, reading the Atlantic (we knew that one already), starting your own business, wanting to live in Palo Alto, writing love letters, being a homebody 75% of the time, going to swanky parties the other 25%, wanting to get married within two years, and voting liberal. After the restraining order from Jack McCain, she no longer dates Republicans. All of these things seem very realistic and like factors that contribute to the difference between making someone a saint and a monster.

Well Andrew, let this be a lesson in not meeting up with random Facebook stalkers.

Julia says Andrew fails the checklist miserable, by she’s going to ignore it…for now. She invites him to stay the night. Well, I doubt he feels like flying back to San Fran when he just got here a second ago, so he agrees to stay. Unfortunately, we don’t get to see his reaction to her princess Barbie room.

Epilogue: The whole Amy/Tina scene at the party proves that this show is capable of bringing some entertaining drama. Hopefully this is something we’ll see more of in upcoming episodes.

Next time: HE’S COMING HE’S COMING HE’S COMING!!!!!!!!! DAVID RUBIN IS FINALLY COMING!!!!!! I think I am more excited than Emily. Amy dates some kind of gym rat, and Julia goes to visits Andrew and tells the world it’s “getting serious,” as most relationships tend to do after two dates.

See you in the comments!

Pill ;- )