“We have no idea what we’re talking about”
Prologue: Now that he has conquered the worlds of housewives, takeovers, and lifestyle makers, His Royal Gayness (HRG) Andy Cohen is hell-bent on cornering the market on dating and matchmaking. Turn on Bravo on a random weekday morning (not that I ever do that…) and there’s a pretty good chance they’ll be marathoning Millionaire Matchmaker. Perhaps you vaguely recall the network’s most recent dating show, Love Broker, but most likely, you don’t — it lasted all of two episodes and featured a woman with a voice more irritating than Rosie Pope’s. HRG seems determined to make us love dating shows, much in the manner we love our Housewives, Jeff Lewis, Tabatha, Rachel Zoe, and Fredrik Eklund. SO, I’m thrilled to be able to recap Bravo’s newest foray into chronicling the dating world, Miss Advised ;- ) …yes the emoticon is part of the title ;- ). Let’s hope for your devoted recapper’s sake that it fares better than “Love Broker,” and the similarly titled Miss Match (a short-lived 2003 series starring Alicia Silverstone).
The series follows three women in three different cities: Emily (San Francisco), Amy (NYC), and Julia (LA by way of Chicago). It’s clear from the start that each woman has a different view on dating; they all have different careers as well. To simplify things, I’m going to chronicle each thread separately. Please let me know in the comments if this works for you ;- )
In the meantime, I’ll try to stop emoticon-ing ;- ) …damn it!
EMILY (San Francisco)
When first we meet Emily, she is on the phone with her mom talking about a recent date with a bisexual Jewish man. Her mom is scandalized, so Emily must be the Samantha Jones of this crew.
“I’m Samantha. I have sex with everyone.”
Emily hosts the creatively titled “Sex with Emily” radio talk show. She’s all about better, more adventurous sex. She looks like Courteney Cox circa the later seasons of “Friends,” and sounds like Jenni from the Jeff Lewis shows. She claims to be a “sex expert,” citing the following as her credentials: reading every sex and dating book on the market, and meeting/sleeping with some of the authors. I read every Harry Potter book and once met J.K. Rowling (full disclosure: I didn’t sleep with her), so I guess that makes me a wizard.
Her show was originally a podcast, but apparently it was so groundbreaking she was offered a radio slot. Now she has a book coming out and ahhhh, the ol’ product push — now we understand your willingness to appear on Bravo.
The radio show takes place in what seems to be a 5×10 foot room with the hosts sitting at a formica table with no visible computer, phone, or radio equipment of any kind. I’m sure Ryan Seacrest’s studio looks just like it.
On this installment of “Sex with Emily,” Emily claims monogamy is an epidemic. Her sidekick/cohost, the mysteriously named Menace, says she always bashes monogamy. Seems like Emily may have some underlying issues here… She says they’ll also discuss threesomes today. Emily tries to make us think that San Fran is the ONLY place where one could speak openly about such topics, and that all of this is very scandalous and groundbreaking. It probably would have been 20 years ago.
“Ross and Rachel: Will they or won’t they? Don’t tell me. I’m only up to season three.”
We see Emily at a party for her book, the equally thoughtfully titled “Hot Sex.” She’s thrilled so many people showed up — I’m sure the presence of Bravo cameras had little to do with that. For those that care, “Hot Sex” contains illustrated pictures of people having sex. The only illustration we see is of a guy with a leg over his shoulder, but thanks to some color commentary, there’s evidently also a picture of someone with their head disappeared up someone’s ass. Hot indeed!