Upon arriving in LA, Julia meets up with JP, her new roommate. They’ve known each other for less than a year and have been talking about moving to LA for a few months. Seems like a totally random, and once again Hills-like situation. Julia admits she basically moved because she needs new types of people to date, and she needs to find love in LA. I’m pretty sure moving to find true love only works in Reese Witherspoon movies, so good luck with all that.
Julia takes a call from “Craigslist Justin” (but quickly tells us he’s not from “that portion”). Hasn’t she been in LA for like three seconds? How is she already hooked up with a random Craigslist creeper? She texts him her address, and JP speaks for all of us when she asks A) who the hell is Craigslist Justin, and B) why is she giving him their address. I think JP hates Julia. The enemy of the most annoying person on a reality show is my friend. I think I like JP.
Of all the girls, Julia seems the most desperate/pathetic. And after seeing the way Amy dealt with AB, that’s saying something. She says she goes out with basically anything with a functioning brain stem, and shares some trade secrets re: the perfect date dress. Something that says: “you can take me home to your mom, and I might give you a blow job on the way there.” Elegance is learned, my friends.
Thankfully, Bravo’s had some sort of vetting process in place for this date, because Craigslist Justin is not, in fact, the Craigslist killer. He brings Julia a rose, opens the car door for her, and pulls out her chair at the restaurant. Julia says there’s no chemistry and bluntly demands to know why they’re on this date. Justin says he’s a catch. I can say from experience that those who claim they are catches are usually stalkers, still involved with an ex in some manner, and/or the most clingy people on the planet.
“But the checklist calls for a pink rose. FAIL.”
Justin meets none of the qualifications on the realistically created 73 point checklist. But he does agree to help Julia finish moving tomorrow. Julia says she’d let him touch her boobs for helping her move. Don’t worry, that sound you hear is just feminism taking three steps backwards.
The next day, JP asks about the date and can hardly contain her disdain/amusement. JP seems to be the LC of this situation — hey, they even both go by initials! ;- ) Julia says the date pretty much sucked buttttt she’s using Justin to help her finish moving today. To his credit, Justin actually shows up to help and even brought stuff to make mimosas. He said he had a great time on the date. Julia seems perplexed by this nice gesture. Probably because she was too busy worrying about minutiae like what magazines a potential suitor reads than real things like being a generally nice person.
Okay, disregarding the possibility of Bravo interference (since HRG isn’t the grandest puppetmaster in all the land… if this show isn’t cancelled, I will share my theories on him in another recap), moving is the worst thing ever. Whenever someone even mentions the possibility of moving, I unfriend them and pretend I’m dead until they’ve been settled into their new place for at least six months so I don’t have to help. So it really says something that Justin came over for this. He invites her out again later, but Julia says she can’t, solidifying herself as a sucky person, and certainly the suckiest one on this show. Then she makes him haul out her empty boxes in his truck.
JP says Julia should call Justin (alliteration much?) and tell him she’s not interested. Julia says she always breaks things off in a classy manner. So she calls Justin on the phone. She really likes him but doesn’t like him “like that.” At this point, she might as well have made JP give him a note folded in the shape of a triangle. She asks to be friends. Justin is clearly unimpressed and hangs up. One day in LA and you’ve already managed to alienate your roommate, your first acquaintance, and all 12 people still trying to to stick it out til the end of the episode. No small feat, Julia. ;- )