“Welcome to your nightmare.”
Prologue: Hi friends ;- ) Time for another glimpse into the love lives of our favourite losers. (In honour of the Olympics, I’ve taken to spelling with British flourishes and using some of the British slang I learned reading the Harry Potter books. I did this the week of the royal wedding as well. Spell check/auto correct are not on board with it).
“Bugger off, Pillania.”
Last time: New suitor Andrew inexplicably surprised Julia at her dinner party, Emily — the one who was supposed to be soooo sexually adventurous and free — sat around like a bump on a log, and Amy got into an argument with a potential client at a party, finally giving this show an injection of some drama.
I have high hopes for this episode, because all week in the previews they’ve been showing Julia professing her undying love/then slapping Andrew, and a visit from our favourite bloke (hint: he’s from Michigan and was the bee knees when Emily knew him when they were 10) is upon us….
EMILY (San Francisco)
At the Sex with Emily show, Emily’s chillin’ with Menace, her assistant Kelsi (why?), and her three devoted listeners. “The Michigan guy” is coming…
Menace asks if she plans on sleeping with David Rubin, but Emily wants to know why he’s so concerned with her sex life. Well, he’s the co-host of your SEX SHOW so isn’t “maintains an interest in the host’s sex life,” like, line one of his job description? The topic of the today’s show is that of “the one.” If discussing this highly original topic doesn’t earn them a Marconi Award, what will? But — BE STILL MY HEART!!!!
Drink it at all in, ladies.
David Rubin has arrived at the radio show. I’m not sure why he’s meeting her there, but the moment we’ve been waiting 5 weeks for has finally arrived. I can’t shake the feeling this is going to be more anticlimactic than the final season of Lost (RIP).
They snog a bit and Menace is just like, are you serious? Menace is happy to inform David Rubin that Emily doesn’t believe in the concept of “the one.” David Rubin agrees, so Menace calls him a player. The Rube spends the rest of the show being a general wanker to Menace, and I for one do not appreciate this. At the end of the show, Emily signs off by asking the audience if it was good for them. I’m going to speak on all of their behalf and say……no.
Emily, David Rubin, Menace, and assistant/new cast member Kelsi go out to dinner. I kind of would have wanted some alone time after waiting 20+ years to reconnect with my 5th grade crush, but I’m not under contract with Bravo. Emily and David Rubin are all PDA-ish, and keep talking about how they’ve known each other since they were ten. Really? Has that been mentioned before?
The myth of the Rube’s awesomeness continues to deteriorate in front of my very eyes, as he keeps making douchebag comments to Menace. Example: I bet girls stop you from kissing them all the time. Menace was giving David Rubin a bit of a hard time, but that’s his sarcastic/dry humour, and also the fact that he seems to really care about Emily. I’m pretty sure David Rubin was a bully in 5th grade, and he’s still one now, so he needs to shut his fat gob.
David Rubin is under the impression Emily lives a wacky, crazy sex life in San Francisco. LOL. That’s what we all thought too, DR, and we were so wrong. Emily tells him about an orgasmic meditation workshop she went to — another sexual adventure that occurred BEFORE this show started filming, conveniently — and the Rube likens it to prostitution. It’s really sweet.
Knight in shining armour.