Miss Advised Recap: Have the Lambs Stopped Screaming?

Recaps

By Pillania | Tuesday, July 31, 2012 | 9:36 am | 13 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Miss Advised, Recaps

Amy makes up her own juice/shake thing to ensure she doesn’t exceed her 25 calorie allotment for the day. Kevin asks her to share one cool fact about herself. The key word here was “cool,” but all Amy comes up with is that she has pajama pants with cupcakes on them. Amy says it’s a big deal for her to feel comfortable around people, and she giggles like a 12 year old and keeps complimenting him on things like his hair and how nice he smells. It’s clear she had a nice time, and the stick up her ass does seem a little bit smaller than it did during the first few episodes. They plan to go on a sushi date soon…

JULIA (LA)

We pick up right where we left off after last week’s dinner party. Remember, to the shock of no one, Andrew showed up and Julia made a general fool of herself (yeah, her desperate behaviour surprised me as well) by falling and screaming all over the place. Andrew slept on the couch. He probably threw up when he saw 4-year-old princess room. Julia makes it sound like she’s the one who wouldn’t let him stay in her bedroom. Sure, we’ll play along with that.

Julia tells Andrew she’ll be making eggs, lox, and water for breakfast. I take this to mean she’s going to the lab to physically put two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom together. Our girl JP passive-aggressively asks Andrew what in hell possessed him to get on a plane and travel to see Julia. She’s not buying it that he missed Julia. Join the club, woman.

We soon learn that Julia is three articles behind with her shitty online Elle “column.” So she can probably expect that Pulitzer any day now. She tells Andrew he “inspires her” (creepy), and he suddenly needs to be going because of a work commitment. Julia’s cool with that, because she’s has a photo shoot to prepare for, most likely her headshots for the Pulitzer committee.

After Andrew exits Road Runner-style, JP notes it’s weird that he slept on the couch. Julia fake demurely explains she’s concerned by how much she likes him. Allow me to remind you that in the premiere episode, Julia made no qualms about giving someone a blow job on the first date. Keep that in mind (well, not literally) for later. Julia says she and Andrew are at a precipice, and elaborates in a way that makes it clear that she does not fully understand the meaning of this word. We’re going to need some better production notes over here, minions.

The aforementioned photo shoot is for her Elle column. They can post the photos if she ever gets around to, you know, actually writing something. The editor, Keith, would like to go over the articles she hasn’t written. Elle will be showcasing her in some feature they have where they go into people’s (Keith’s word, note how he didn’t use a term remotely indicating it’s for someone with .00001% of fame or legitimate talent/career) closets to find 10 things that embody them. Her entire closet is pink princess shit that should have been tossed in the dustbin when she turned 12. Keith totally disses everything, calling the dresses weird, saying they won’t photograph well, and making a snarky comment about bridesmaids.

Do you realize other colours beside pink exist?

JP shows up for the sole purpose of asking Keith what he thinks of Julia’s non-existent articles. Way to throw your friend under the bus. And I am not saying that sarcastically, I really mean it. I probably don’t need to tell you the photo shoot is beyond cheesy, and that I wouldn’t be remotely surprised if these pictures never saw the light of day on Elle or any other website, except maybe the Reblogging Donk one that is solely dedicated to hating Julia.

Later, Julia meets Keith at a pub of some sort to give him a bunch of bullshit excuses as to why she hasn’t written her column. Stalking people on Facebook and overanalyzing texts is extremely time consuming. I did an internship at a newspaper in college, and unless you’re, like, William Shakespeare you DO NOT get to miss a deadline, or change a deadline because you feel like it. That space is alloted for your writing and people are counting on you. If you don’t want it, you’ll be replaced and no one will be banging down your door to ask you to write again. Granted she was going to write for the website, but she’s taking an opportunity away from someone who would be grateful and use this as a stepping stone in their career.

This has been a Pillania Service Announcement.

You can tell Keith hates her and is cursing himself for allowing HRG to convince him to sacrifice his magazine’s credibility for the sake of some free publicity. I don’t watch Project Runway anymore, but does Nina Garcia still work for Elle? Because I feel like she would never allow this to happen.

What did you do to piss off HRG, Keith? Post something snarky on his Twitter?

Julia is terribly upset because she can’t be good at both dating AND her column. I thought mixing the two was the basis of her entire writing “career?” After the meeting, Julia enlists her true blue JP to pick some clothes for a trip to see Andrew in San Francisco. JP doesn’t bother hiding her disgust with all of Julia’s potential outfit choices. Surprise! They’re pink.

Julia says she and Andrew speak SEVERAL times a day, which I take to mean she sends 99 million texts and he sends back a couple one word responses. Julia invited herself to San Fran so they can have “THE TALK” and see where they’re at. Allow me to remind you that at this point, they’ve hung out exactly twice. JP still can’t believe Andrew came to visit her after the dinner party. JP, meet HRG. Come on, girl.

Remember a few paragraphs ago when I graciously reminded you how Julia is cool with oral sex on the first date? Well, she reeeealllly held out for Andrew, because she waited til their second date to go down on him. I’m not going to debate when someone should perform oral versus when one shouldn’t, but I’ll say that doing that after hanging out with the person for less than five hours total probably won’t form the foundation for a lasting relationship. Also: her parents must be so proud.

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Pillania
About

Picture the most luxurious lifestyle you could imagine, then multiply that by 50.

Now you have begun to understand Pillania, a hypochondriac/grad student/waitress/TV watcher who recently moved back in with her parents while she completes her degree program. She is constantly getting into jams, including but not limited to being "trapped" in the garage of people for whom she was housesitting, causing an accident inside of a car wash, and spilling soda all over her state representative's head whilst serving him at the restaurant.

13 Comments

  1. 1
    Catherine
    Posted July 31, 2012 at 10:51 am

    Amy Laurent/Baetjer From Bravo’s Miss Advised Is Still Hooking
    Posted in Dirty News, Santa Monica, The Dirty, UCLA

    THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik here’s a Photo of her old hooking website: [removed]  Photos from some of her old hooker ads:[removed]/[removed].  Now hooking via this ad: Morgan Ashley is an exotic actress and model who has had a successful career in mainstream television, appears in several national print ads, and who you may recognize from a variety of film roles. Best known for her gorgeous and striking features, Morgan is a definite must-see among those VIP’s who are looking for their dream girl!  She is described as “the brunette-lover’s dream” and is much more than just a pretty face.  Bright, fun and beautiful, Morgan has a zest for life and has been propelled to the top of the list among the country’s elite including high-powered CEO’s and prominent businessmen.  Morgan especially appeals to those with extremely high standards and is the preferential choice for business moguls, celebrities, lawyers, bankers, politicians, sports figures, and entrepreneurs. For a limited time, Morgan is available for exclusive engagements with affluent gentlemen who meet requirements. Whether it be joining you on your business trip, accompanying you to your formal event, jetting to a romantic vacation locale, or simply enjoying a quiet dinner for two, Morgan brings into any venue unforgettable appeal and style unlike any other. Discretion is always guaranteed.  Smart, sexy and drop-dead gorgeous, Morgan is someone you will be proud to have on your arm and is ideal for those accustomed to nothing but the very best!  See her while you can, as she is only available several months out of the year.  Serious requests only. All completed “request for meeting” forms will be considered. Please be prepared for a screening process. Initial contact is through e-mail only!! click here for her absurb price list. <–1.5 mil for a year

    Amy was a regular in LA who went by the name Anna before she upgraded her prices name to Morgan Ashley. Sorry for killing the links but I refuse to promote her business, unlike Bravo.- nik

  2. 2
    labowner
    Posted July 31, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    What the? A whore and Andy’s minions didn’t find this out. Who does the background checks? Wow oh wow. Awesome gossip Catherine.

    How did we miss the WWHL with all three of them? Wow is Emily a stuck up bitch.

    Amy is coming out with a book on how to survive the first 8 weeks of dating. Those who can’t do, write?

    Pillania glad you are on the mend. Chin up, tally-ho.

  3. 3
    Catherine
    Posted July 31, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    It was posted on thedirty.com yesterday, I couldn’t get a link to just that article so I copied and pasted it. I guess the pics didn’t come up. But if you go to the site there’s a link that has her price list. She’s a high priced ho fo’ sho!

  4. 4
    featherhead
    Posted July 31, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    Damn. How stupid of her to do the show – she’s gotta know people will find any skeletons hiding in your closet. I wonder if Nads knows ‘she was working on that show as a producer I think.

  5. 5
    itchy itchy
    Posted July 31, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    I found myself sucked into this trainwreck show… Did these women know they’d be edited this way? It’s one of the saddest reality shows I’ve ever watched. And I can’t tell which girl is the saddest…

    As for the escort ad — there’s no proof it’s her (and the description sure as hell doesn’t match) and the pic is just a random shot of her talking to a guy in a bar (whose face isn’t even blurred out — you’d think he’d want a bit of discretion is he’s on a date with an escort?), so for now I’m just assuming this is part of the weird hatred these women inspire.

  6. 6
    NikkiHughes
    Posted July 31, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    Man, I actually like watching this show…..it’s like a psychology assignment. Julia was my fave in the beginning, but now I realize she is just sad. :( She wants SO much to be in love, that she falls for every guy she meets almost instantly and then gets crushed. It’s kinda painful to watch. I feel bad for her.

  7. 7
    NotWithoutMyTV NotwithoutmyTV
    Posted August 1, 2012 at 5:09 am

    So in short, Amy has attended the Tiny Manzo School of Advice for the Distance Learner?

  8. 8
    labowner
    Posted August 1, 2012 at 9:37 am

    Itchy I am going to assume Amy has enough resources to go after that site legally if what they printed wasn’t true. Until I see that, I am going to believe Amy had/has a side job.

  9. 9
    itchy itchy
    Posted August 1, 2012 at 10:56 am

    Sorry, but that’s just not proof enough. I realize this woman’s delusional, but even she wouldn’t describe herself as “drop dead gorgeous”. And she’s too much in the public eye to pull off the discretion a high-priced escort would need anyway.

    Methinks it’s probably this guy, or someone like him: http://gothamist.com/2010/05/27/man_sues_matchmaker_for_failing_to.php

    Besides, it’s hard to take anyone who spells absurb as “absurb” seriously.

  10. 10
    labowner
    Posted August 1, 2012 at 11:28 am

    Besides, it’s hard to take anyone who spells absurb as “absurb” seriously.

    What?

  11. 11
    itchy itchy
    Posted August 1, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    Have you seen my avatar?

  12. 12
    itchy itchy
    Posted August 2, 2012 at 2:41 am

    But yes, how absurd that I typed “absurb” while ragging on someone else for typing “absurb!” But I assume the person behind that blog has a way of editing his/her typos. I don’t. Sniff.

  13. 13
    ddem
    Posted August 9, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    I am just glad this abortion of a show is over.

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