Prologue: Hello, friends! Time for another installment of one of the greatest television programs of our time. ;- )
Last week on Miss Advised….Amy bitched out Lewis on their SECOND (2nd) date for not texting her for, like, a day; Julia planned an over-the-top second date with William, got wasted at a winery, and begged him for a smooch; and Emily hung out with Gary Busey’s poly cousin. But who cares about all that, because David Rubin’s visit is upon us.
Oh, and Julia put all her bad dating mojo into a mysterious artifact called a Gollum (or as alert commentator thlayly5 pointed out, a mystical Jewish figure called a golem), but I think we’ve all agreed we prefer Gollum.
“Actually, Julia doesn’t even meet my standards-es”
The question the women are asked at the beginning of the episode is whether they think being yourself is a good dating strategy. Really? No, pretend to be someone you’re not, because that’s guaranteed to end well. ;- )
EMILY (San Francisco)
So we’re back at the Sex with Emily show. She eagerly fills Menace in on what’s been going on lately. He truly seems like he could care less, and is repulsed to the 10th power that she hung out with Gary Busey’s cousin. Em has decided if someone’s a crappy kisser, you need to show, not tell, them what you prefer. She and Menace decide to demo this, which makes sense because their radio listeners (all 7 of them) can totally see everything they’re doing.
The two biggest takeaways from this scene are: A) I’m still perplexed by Menace’s presence here. But evidently he’s been her sidekick for six year?
“I’m actually being held against my will.”
B) The irony is not lost on me when Menace points out (several times) that Emily is NOT a good kisser.
Emily visits her friend Ruby’s house. They met because they were both doing the (married) mayor of San Francisco at one point in time. From what I understand, it’s less time consuming to list the people that dude WASN’T getting down with. Anyway, that was the basis of Em and Ruby’s friendship, because nothing says BFFL like a shared STD.
Emily regales Ruby with the tale of how she reconnected with David Rubin. Good thing she did, because we’ve only heard this story 76 times so far and I think I need to hear it at least 80 before I fully understand the majesty that is D. Rube. Did you know he was her childhood crush? From Michigan? And he’s coming any day now to have sex in the butt with her? And he must be referred to by his full name at all times?
Emily brings up a former lover/partner/passing acquaintance/something that we first heard about a few weeks ago: The bisexual Scrabble player who likes to be anally penetrated while he’s putting his tiles on the board (talk about a double word score!). The camera pans over and we see Ruby’s (approximately 7-8 year old) son sitting next to them. When did you get here?!?!
“Just in time to hear you talking about anal penetration and Scrabble.”
Later, Emily has a blind date at a nice spot by the water. His name is Zach, and he brought snacks, including cocoa. I hope she doesn’t have the same reaction to the classic chocolately drink that Amy did a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, Zach is an even worse-looking version of the Gary Busey cousin from last week. A hot second into the date, Zach casually mentions he’s had a serious girlfriend for about a year. HUH? He and the girlfriend have an awesome relationship, and she likes girls too, so she’s all about him hanging out with Emily and bringing her home later. Zach asks a bunch of questions about what she thinks of threesomes and dating multiple people. Em isn’t into it, but how can this possibly be stranger than the Scrabble player?