Instead of behaving like a normal human and making normal getting-to-know-you conversation (it is only the third date after all, and the first two were dominated by talk of calories and lack of text messages), Amy accuses Lewis of thinking she’s insecure. Lewis rightfully says he was thrown by the fact that she freaked out over not hearing from him for a day, and that she decided to made that an issue so early in their magical courtship. I give Lew credit for trying to lighten the mood, but Amy gets super offended whenever he makes a joke or changes the subject. This woman is a bigger downer than a tub full of Xanax. She makes Debbie Downer seem like [insert name of most annoyingly perky person you know].
Footloose and fancy-free!
Now Amy wants to know what Lewis honestly thinks of her. Since she’s come across as such a fun-loving, carefree, easily appeased person up until this point, I’m sure she’s going to be totally fine with whatever answer he gives. As with last week, I feel it’s best if I just transcribe this conversation and let it speak for itself.
A: I’m gonna be honest and I really don’t wanna want to eat this bun [thank you for reminding us of that fun quality] but I’m just trying to be, like, relaxed and go with the flow but EFF that.
L: Wow. Are you really upset about this conversation?
A: No, I’m not upset. [translation: I am one missed Xanax away from a complete breakdown]
L: You just sound upset. But you’re not upset?
L: Okay. Just checking.
A: [without missing a beat] I’m just saying you’re analyzing me constantly.
L: You asked me to.
A: But like right now, I’m asking you not to [because you didn't tell me what I wanted to hear].
L: Okay….so yeah, like I wanted be honest with you, cause I do think you’re cool and wanna give you that respect. But just to let you know, you kind of upset me a little bit, and I thought it was a little too much for me for the second date.
A: Are you telling me you don’t wanna see me anymore? [no, that wouldn't make sense. He’s probably proposing]
L: I don’t think it’s fair for both of us to go on more dates [aka you’re wasting my time] if I don’t know, do you feel we have great chemistry if you got upset with me on the second date, do you think it’s fair for that or no? [I think that was supposed to be rhetorical, but…]
A: Like, I’m so confused right now [I think he’s been crystal-effing-clear]. Like, I get along with you [you know, aside from that fight last week and this entire disaster of a meal] and we’re having conversation, and then you go beating me over the head with this same thing [Lost flashback: you JUST asked him to tell you what he really thinks]. I don’t know what else to do, Lewis [well, he doesn’t want to see you anymore, so you don’t really need to “do” anything]. I really don’t want to do this actually, I really, like, take care.
Amy gets up and flies out of the place. It’s really strange and further proves she needs to seek professional help for these self-esteem issues. I got the sense she left so quickly because she thought he’d come chasing after her or something. I probably don’t need to tell you that didn’t happen.
I think L-Money deserves some credit for being honest and not just using her to get some. Although he seems intelligent enough to recognize the fact that sleeping with would probably make her turn into a Stage 1000 Clinger. She calls her friend crying, saying she got dumped. Dumped? It’s been three lousy dates. I don’t understand people. Why are you crying? You didn’t eat the hamburger bun. You should be happy!
As soon as Bravo segued to Julia’s first segment I let out a sigh so loud and gigantic I almost choked to death on my wine.