She’s meeting with Peter Crone, a “happiness expert.” Are you kidding me? Peter Crone is a self-described “mind architect,” which would have been a cool, timely reference two years ago when Inception came out.
“Never sleep on a plane. You don’t want to get incepted.” (Stolen from 30 Rock)
In other news, I really need to come up with a bullshit artist career, like, yesterday. Julia tells him writing tortures her. Good thing she became a professional (I use that word in the loosest manner possible) writer. Peter basically sits there and boosts her ego, telling her there’s nothing wrong with her, she’s smart, she’s great, etc. Has he been watching the same show we have? Or has Julia incepted this thought into his mind?
Julia meets the crocodile tears requirement for this episode, moaning about her life and her choices and oh god, I’m sorry but I truly can’t listen to this again and the rest is drowned out by the sound of me pouring more wine anyway.
Next, Julia has a “friend” named Jessica over. Jessica is a “new” friend, and seems to be filling the JP role this week. Something tells me Julia doesn’t have too many old friends. Her room looks like something that would make even the most spoiled four year old princessy brat hurl. William must still be whimpering in the fetal position after that wine date from last week, because now Julia has a date with someone named Andrew. She’s been Facebook messaging with him for a year, but they’re only just meeting because she’s on a TV show now.
She tells a weird story of how she saw pictures of this guy on some mutual friend’s FB page and has been stalking him ever since. Evidently, the date is going to be some type of prom-themed disaster. Julia tells new friend Jessica she’s saved all of her prom dresses (and deemed it necessary to take them all with her on a 1000+ mile move from Chicago).
Who wouldn’t want to date a 30 year old, loud, spoiled princess. Besides everyone.
You can see Jessica searching for the exits, but HRG’s production minions are under strict instructions to hold her captive. Julia says the prom date is going to be super awesome and the Elle readers are going to eat it up. If someone suggested this date to me, I’d probably pretend I was dead so I would never have to talk to them again.
Julia’s once again hired a limo for a date. She doesn’t care if Andrew is scared shitless by the entire theme of this date. This bodes well. (Lost-flashback to the cringe-worthy limo ride with William last week.)
Julia is shrill and loud about everything. If Amy is a tub of Xanax, Julia is a warehouse of crystal meth. HIIIIIIIII I GOT US A LIMOOOOO!!!!!! IT’S LIKE PROMMMMM!!! HEHEHEHE MANIACAL LAUGH.
They go to a tuxedo shop where Andrew is forced by HRG’s minions to try on a bunch of tuxes.
Side note, I picture all of HRG’s minions looking like the goblins from Gringotts Bank
Julia changes into the prom dress she’s not only saved, but carted from Chicago to LA with her. She says Andrew’s being a great sport, mainly because he really, really wants to be the guest bartender on Watch What Happens Live. She asks Andrew if this is his best prom date. His best prom was probably the age-appropriate one he went to when he was 18.
They wear the prom outfits to get dinner from a food truck. Julia picks up the tab and acts like she’s paying for a meal at a Michelin star restaurant. In the limo, she immediately spills something on her dress. Then they go to a dive bar called Sardo’s. I guess wearing prom outfits to these non-fancy places is supposed to be funny and ironic, and I think prom-themed events for fundraisers or large parties sound could be fun. But in reality these two are 30-ish years old, not out in a group/for a special event, and look stupid as hell.