Miss Advised Recap: Love Potion Number Whine

Recaps

By Pillania | Tuesday, July 10, 2012 | 9:09 am | 14 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Miss Advised, Recaps

 “I took my troubles down to Madame Ruth”

Prologue: Helloooo! I hope you’re all covered from your beer/BBQ/firework hangovers (I’m not) and are ready to catch up on all the great Bravo shows (I am) ;- ) 

Previously on Miss Advised ;- ) — Julia begged a date in the most desperate manner possible for a kiss, Amy broke all of her own matchmaking rules, and Emily continued to be kind of a bore (wasn’t she supposed to be the Samantha?)

The episode opens with a producer asking the gals who should make the first move. Julia says the girl, Amy says the guy, and Emily says who cares, which kinds of sums up everyone’s attitude about these women’s lives in general.

But I digress…

EMILY (San Francisco)

Emily has returned from her visit to her home state, Michigan, where she went on a date with the infamous David Rubin. In case you forgot, he’s recently divorced, and really into what he hotly refers to as “sex in the butt.” How long was Emily away for? How did Sex with Emily’s two devoted listeners survive while she was gone? What does Menace do in his free time? 

“I was hoping she wouldn’t come back.”

Gary Busey’s long-lost cousin, Reid, shows up. He’s a self-proclaimed sex “geek” and expert on polyamorous relationships. He’d like to know Emily’s species — he, for instance, is a queer polyamorous slut. He has a primary partner but evidently they can sleep with other peeps, both alone and as a group. He invites Emily to a kissing workshop. She seems less than thrilled to say yes, but reminds us she needs to live up to her reputation. She says it’s not hot that Reid kisses men. I’m starting to think Emily’s open-mindedness is all an act.

“I’m here because HRG owed cousin Gary a favor…don’t ask”

Later, at the kissing workshop, Reid asks the attendees if they’ve ever heard of Emily’s radio show…….crickets. The workshop is called Full Body Kiss. Emily sits in Reid’s lap as he explained doing things like running your hands through someone’s hair while kissing can really enhance the experience. This is breaking news?

They kiss and he starts twitching/having a mini-seizure. He warned Emily this would happen, as when he gets turned on he develops a tantric form of Tourettes. It’s really creepy and not hot at all. Emily agrees to get a drink with him after the workshop, under the guise of continuing to investing polyamory.

The drink itself is rather uneventful. Reid’s explaining his relationship, which basically comes down to he can do whomever he wants, whenever he wants. Reid is creepy and intense but not in a fun way like his cousin Gary Busey (remember when Meatloaf FLIPPED OUT at Gary during a painting challenge on Celebrity Apprentice? THAT is the kind kind of instability I like on my reality shows).

Emily later goes to visit Reid at his harem, meeting his primary partner, Allison. They lay on pillows and talk about threesomes, so it really makes open-minded-this-can-only-happen-in-San-Francisco Emily seem rather prudish when she gets all “I do declare” when they suggest having sexy time. It’s Sex with Emily, not Everyone, she tells us haughtily. Okay, but I thought unusual sex stuff was your thing? She was also put off by a strip club a few episodes ago, but in her interviews she’s always talking about weird sex things she’s done. I’m starting to doubt Em’s street cred.

In what turns out to be the most enjoyable scene of this episode, Emily is playing with her dog in front of a very familiar-looking historical landmark…

“Whatever happened to predictability?”

She rescued the dog in an “experiment” in taking care of something other than herself. I don’t think you should experiment with living things, but it seems to be going well and they’re really cute together. The episode ends with David Rubin — yes, THE David Rubin — calling and making plans to visit Emily ASAFP. Looks like there’s some sex in the butt in someone’s future…

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Pillania
About

Picture the most luxurious lifestyle you could imagine, then multiply that by 50.

Now you have begun to understand Pillania, a hypochondriac/grad student/waitress/TV watcher who recently moved back in with her parents while she completes her degree program. She is constantly getting into jams, including but not limited to being "trapped" in the garage of people for whom she was housesitting, causing an accident inside of a car wash, and spilling soda all over her state representative's head whilst serving him at the restaurant.

14 Comments

  1. 1
    labowner
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 11:00 am

    Shocker the one who puts herself out there as a whore is getting attention.

  2. 2
    thlayly5
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 11:06 am

    Lol- Gollum! That made this recap- imagining Gollum with that idiot.

    But, the thing being made is called a golem- and I will let the dictionary define it— (in Jewish legend) a clay figure brought to life by magic.
    • an automaton or robot.
    ORIGIN late 19th cent.: from Yiddish goylem, from Hebrew gōlem ‘shapeless mass.’

    Still, Gollum is funnier.

  3. 3
    NotAlway'sPerfekt
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    Great recap, Pillania! I’ll just come here to read your recaps because you’re writing skills are way more entertaining than this wreck of a show. Honestly, I can’t stomach watching one more episode of this silly nonsense. 3 strikes and I’m out!

  4. 4
    NotAlway'sPerfekt
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    Oops, meant your vs. you’re. Hence my name, NotAlway’sPerfekt! ;-)

  5. 5
    Big Lamb
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    Girl I don’t even need to watch the TVs any more because you’ve got it covered here.

    Funny shit!

  6. 6
    OutHouseCat
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    That poly queer whatever guy skeeved me out totally. He reminded of that idiot that the Countless was dating a while back – the jerky writer with the strange lip-smack lizard tongue thing. And the way he stared at her sideways, just ugh!

    This was my first and last time watching this craptastic hot mess. I’ll keep up by reading your recaps. They’re hilarious!

  7. 7
    NotAlway'sPerfekt
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    Ewww, you’re right OutHouseCat! That guy LuMan dated was extremely creepy just like the poly whatever guy! Think I just threw up in my mouth a little! Egads!!!

  8. 8
    OutHouseCat
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    Sorry Perfekt. I found that a little Clorox into the old eyeballs helped me get that guy’s picture outta my head. But then our girl Pillania snuck his creepy photo in here and started it all again. Grrrr…

  9. 9
    AnneOminous
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 5:55 pm

    I think the famous David Rubin said he WASN’T interested in sex-in-the-butt. However, the fact that he even brought it up betrays that he is probably lying because, well, why even bring it up.

    I find Emily quite likable, actually, and I don’t necessarily think she is a prude so much as she is finding that people’s sex-pectations of her are off based on her job. Just because she discusses sex on her show (mostly it seems in an attempt to help educate or explore the topic), doesn’t mean she is a whore. I liked the line about ‘Sex with Emily doesn’t mean sex with everyone,’ or whatever she said. So far she has had two guys expect her to just give it up because of her job, and one guy who seems to want to treat her as his sex unicorn. I don’t know, I find her particular storyline interesting and sympathetic.

    The armchair psychologist in me can’t decide if Amy needs to ‘love herself before loving someone else’ or just admit that she will never love anyone as much as she loves herself.

    As for Julia and the golem, I think Gollum from LOTR is her spirit animal: Grimy, deformed, socially incompetent and obsessed with a ring.

  10. 10
    Pillania Pillania
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    @thlayly5 – thank you for the info on the Gollum/golem. Would it offend anyone if I continue to refer to it as a Gollum? I just want to make sure none of you are witch/own a golem business/believe in the power of golems. ;- )

    @OutHouseCat – Somehow he was less offensive when he was just Gary Busey’s cousin. As for your [accurate] reference to Lu’s man…pass the Clorox ;- )

    @NotAlway’s – I never catch my own grammatical errors til the recaps are already published ;- )

    Once you start making these faces it’s hard to stop. ;- ) ;- ) ;- )

  11. 11
    thlayly5
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 8:51 pm

    No- no offense! I only know about golems because of a Simpsons Treehouse of Horror episode. lol! I think the Gollum is funnier, and perfect for Julia as Pillania said.

  12. 12
    Nikki
    Posted July 11, 2012 at 5:31 am

    Love your recaps, P! I thought I would try watching the show. It was unwatchable. You warned me. Think I’ll just stick with you.

  13. 13
    Joey Guns
    Posted July 11, 2012 at 7:35 am

    Lorenzo couldn’t date her because around that time he was (and I think still is) dating Tinsley Mortimer….

    Man, Allison looks pathetic constantly trying to beg guys for kisses. Her roommate JP must laugh at her behind her back.

    Yeah and the Gary Busey cousin was beyond freaking creepy.

  14. 14
    labowner
    Posted July 11, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    Why is it most of the truly openly sexual are always the grossest and you wouldn’t want to touch them? Just like nude beaches – cover up the yuck.

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