Miss Advised Recap: Love Potion Number Whine

Recaps

By Pillania | Tuesday, July 10, 2012 | 9:09 am | 14 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Miss Advised, Recaps

AMY (NYC)

Amy is interviewing a matchmaking client who seems very successful. She said most of her clients are in their late 30s and tend to be workaholics. The woman sets some dating parameters which, judging by what we’ve seen of her so far, Amy will probably ignore. Amy cannot focus because the 20-something she dated (Lewis, he of the infamous chicken pot pie suggestion) still hasn’t called her back. And she came across as so easy-going and fun on that date. Weird.

“I don’t believe in clipboards. It’s one of my RULES.”

Amy meets up with her friend Lorenzo, the same guy we met briefly in the first episode. She flirts and acts natural with him. Why isn’t she dating him? She’s still hung up on Lewis. I don’t understand people who get that attached to someone after one date. Is my heart just the size of the Grinch’s? Or maybe it’s because I’m really fun and cool and they always call the next day ;- )

(Kidding. Kind of.)

Lorenzo says Amy has a classic case of “preaching and then not listening to what you’re saying for yourself.” He wanted more on-screen time, so he had to come up with a way of making the phrase “practice what you preach” as convoluted as possible. Lorenzo says Amy needs to move on but doesn’t understand the repercussions of something like chicken pot pie include psychological and emotional scars that can take years to overcome.

HRG’s minions must have grown tired of all this whining, because shortly after this scene, OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!! Lewis calls!!!!!!!!!! He invites her salsa dancing and Amy is appalled he’s going to text her the address of the place. Proper date protocol is to have a butler deliver an embossed address card on a silver platter.

Bravo plays some public domain salsa music as Amy gets ready for the big date. She calls Lorenzo for last-minute advice. Seriously, why isn’t she dating him? Is this season going to end with her realizing he’s her one true love? It is also around this point that Amy says she’s going to have fun and not hold onto something as petty and stupid as Lewis not calling for a few days. This does not bode well.

Please re-read the above paragraph. Because less than a TV minute later, Amy recites the following monologue, which I’ve transcribed for you in full:

“Can I tell you something? I’m actually really annoyed with the fact that you text me, like, last week, and then, I don’t hear from you. [Lewis interjects that she didn’t hear from him for, like, a day]. I just feel like, if you want to get to know someone, from the beginning, you make an effort. I just feel like I always needs to tell you that I’m a little bit annoyed, and why.”

Does this top the chicken pot pie histrionics? Please case your vote in the comments.

“Not really. But I promise to wait 5 minutes before bringing it up again.”

But it’s all good, because after acting like a huge B and ruining the night, NOW Amy is ready to have fun. Because he’s still waiting for HRG to mail his SAG card, Lewis doesn’t book it Road Runner style out the door. There’s even a makeout sesh on the dancefloor. The evening ends with another kiss and Lewis saying, “talk to you later.” We’ll see….

JULIA (LA)

Julia is at the House of Intuition to do a love spell as part of her Elle column. Is this what the Elle readers are into? I was under the impression that Elle was more fashion/beauty, but I only read scholarly niche magazines, so I wouldn’t know (that reminds me, my US Weekly subscription needs to be renewed).

William, Julia’s date from the last episode, hasn’t called yet either. But it’s all good, because this love spell will open her heart. The witch she’s working with wears sparkly Uggs so she must know what she’s doing. Witchay woman gives Julia a ball of clay to make a model of herself, the technical term for which is something I can’t catch but sounds a lot like a “Gollum.”

“My precious.”

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Pillania
About

Picture the most luxurious lifestyle you could imagine, then multiply that by 50.

Now you have begun to understand Pillania, a hypochondriac/grad student/waitress/TV watcher who recently moved back in with her parents while she completes her degree program. She is constantly getting into jams, including but not limited to being "trapped" in the garage of people for whom she was housesitting, causing an accident inside of a car wash, and spilling soda all over her state representative's head whilst serving him at the restaurant.

14 Comments

  1. 1
    labowner
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 11:00 am

    Shocker the one who puts herself out there as a whore is getting attention.

  2. 2
    thlayly5
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 11:06 am

    Lol- Gollum! That made this recap- imagining Gollum with that idiot.

    But, the thing being made is called a golem- and I will let the dictionary define it— (in Jewish legend) a clay figure brought to life by magic.
    • an automaton or robot.
    ORIGIN late 19th cent.: from Yiddish goylem, from Hebrew gōlem ‘shapeless mass.’

    Still, Gollum is funnier.

  3. 3
    NotAlway'sPerfekt
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    Great recap, Pillania! I’ll just come here to read your recaps because you’re writing skills are way more entertaining than this wreck of a show. Honestly, I can’t stomach watching one more episode of this silly nonsense. 3 strikes and I’m out!

  4. 4
    NotAlway'sPerfekt
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    Oops, meant your vs. you’re. Hence my name, NotAlway’sPerfekt! ;-)

  5. 5
    Big Lamb
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    Girl I don’t even need to watch the TVs any more because you’ve got it covered here.

    Funny shit!

  6. 6
    OutHouseCat
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    That poly queer whatever guy skeeved me out totally. He reminded of that idiot that the Countless was dating a while back – the jerky writer with the strange lip-smack lizard tongue thing. And the way he stared at her sideways, just ugh!

    This was my first and last time watching this craptastic hot mess. I’ll keep up by reading your recaps. They’re hilarious!

  7. 7
    NotAlway'sPerfekt
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    Ewww, you’re right OutHouseCat! That guy LuMan dated was extremely creepy just like the poly whatever guy! Think I just threw up in my mouth a little! Egads!!!

  8. 8
    OutHouseCat
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    Sorry Perfekt. I found that a little Clorox into the old eyeballs helped me get that guy’s picture outta my head. But then our girl Pillania snuck his creepy photo in here and started it all again. Grrrr…

  9. 9
    AnneOminous
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 5:55 pm

    I think the famous David Rubin said he WASN’T interested in sex-in-the-butt. However, the fact that he even brought it up betrays that he is probably lying because, well, why even bring it up.

    I find Emily quite likable, actually, and I don’t necessarily think she is a prude so much as she is finding that people’s sex-pectations of her are off based on her job. Just because she discusses sex on her show (mostly it seems in an attempt to help educate or explore the topic), doesn’t mean she is a whore. I liked the line about ‘Sex with Emily doesn’t mean sex with everyone,’ or whatever she said. So far she has had two guys expect her to just give it up because of her job, and one guy who seems to want to treat her as his sex unicorn. I don’t know, I find her particular storyline interesting and sympathetic.

    The armchair psychologist in me can’t decide if Amy needs to ‘love herself before loving someone else’ or just admit that she will never love anyone as much as she loves herself.

    As for Julia and the golem, I think Gollum from LOTR is her spirit animal: Grimy, deformed, socially incompetent and obsessed with a ring.

  10. 10
    Pillania Pillania
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    @thlayly5 – thank you for the info on the Gollum/golem. Would it offend anyone if I continue to refer to it as a Gollum? I just want to make sure none of you are witch/own a golem business/believe in the power of golems. ;- )

    @OutHouseCat – Somehow he was less offensive when he was just Gary Busey’s cousin. As for your [accurate] reference to Lu’s man…pass the Clorox ;- )

    @NotAlway’s – I never catch my own grammatical errors til the recaps are already published ;- )

    Once you start making these faces it’s hard to stop. ;- ) ;- ) ;- )

  11. 11
    thlayly5
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 8:51 pm

    No- no offense! I only know about golems because of a Simpsons Treehouse of Horror episode. lol! I think the Gollum is funnier, and perfect for Julia as Pillania said.

  12. 12
    Nikki
    Posted July 11, 2012 at 5:31 am

    Love your recaps, P! I thought I would try watching the show. It was unwatchable. You warned me. Think I’ll just stick with you.

  13. 13
    Joey Guns
    Posted July 11, 2012 at 7:35 am

    Lorenzo couldn’t date her because around that time he was (and I think still is) dating Tinsley Mortimer….

    Man, Allison looks pathetic constantly trying to beg guys for kisses. Her roommate JP must laugh at her behind her back.

    Yeah and the Gary Busey cousin was beyond freaking creepy.

  14. 14
    labowner
    Posted July 11, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    Why is it most of the truly openly sexual are always the grossest and you wouldn’t want to touch them? Just like nude beaches – cover up the yuck.

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