Mob Wives Chicago Recap: Friendly Neighborhood Stripper

Recaps

By Sugarbush | Tuesday, June 26, 2012 | 12:00 am | 10 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Mob Wives Chicago, Recaps

Last week on Loosely-Connected Women of Chicago, FACEBOOK UNFRIENDING became the Mob Wives Chicago THE CHRISTENING and Renee had a straight-up breakdown over the possible custody loss of her youngest daughter (which had me feeling bad for her until this episode).

Leah and Christina meet up for coffee.  Christina tells Leah that she met up with Pia.  Pia’s proof that she didn’t do anything was that she was held down by bouncers, but Christina excuses that away by noting that if the bouncers were on her that means she was doing something.  Leah notes that Pia’s dad was a POS rat. 

Not sure if anyone else has noticed, but Christina looks like Jenni Farley in 10-20 years.  Either that or she looks like she’s getting ready to go to the studio to record the voice for Family Guy‘s Lois.  Therefore, I shall henceforth call her C-Wow.

She also has been using her safe-cracking skills to raid Cuntess LuAnn’s stash of massive medallions.

Nora told Pia that C-Wow was trying to be all buddy-buddy, so Pia was pissed off that C-Wow didn’t come to her current friend first.  You know, I’m wondering why Goodfellas, The Godfather, Donnie Brasco, and Casino failed to portray such riveting drama as we are seeing here?  Why didn’t we witness Tony Soprano’s beef with Pauley Walnuts over him being unfriended on Facebook?  Or that the real reason Big Pussy was offed was that he didn’t invite Tony to his cocktail party?  Those movies would have been so much better…

Leah is done hearing about Nora and says she can “wipe my ass with her”.  I’m quickly falling in love with Leah.  I’m also falling in love with the Mob Wives makeup artist.  Holy shit.  I wish I could have someone transform me like that.  She goes from looking like John Waters in drag to Bernadette Peters’ hardass sister in a snap.

You’re hired!

Nora and Pizzaria are chilling on a rooftop talking about last week’s meeting with C-Wow.  Pia talks about how she’s going to keep her friends that have her back instead of those who stab her in the back and pull out her weave while two men are holding her down.  While this whole debacle is something I remember dealing with in middle school, I can’t understand why she would think that Nora has her back after Nora called her a “cunt whore” (this is what I determined from my lip reading skills), but C-Wow doesn’t because she was standing up for her.  But, this wouldn’t be akin to the Housewives franchise if these arguments actually made sense.

Pia grew up in the city so she doesn’t have time for all of this suburban bullshit.  She’s going to give Renee the benefit of the doubt, despite the fact that Renee thinks she’s a classless stripper whore.  So, she’s going to do the Housewives thing and meet up with her for lunch or coffee or whatever.

Renee shows up at her business, Eye Candy Optics, where her boyfriend Dave is chilling in his newsboy cap.  She asks him if he’s done any work yet, to which he replies that he doesn’t feel like doing anything so he’s going to leave it for her to do.  She asks how they should split the work and he tells her to tell him what needs to be done because he’s got shit to do.  This looks eerily familiar…

“It’s silly, you know, how they said you cheated on me.  Right?” 
“It is what it is, Tree.  I gotta go take a shit.”

I can’t yet tell if they have a relationship like I have with my husband, where we fuck with each other, but don’t mean anything we say or if Dave actually is a huge dick.  I’m willing to lay money down on option #2.

Pia believes the best way to approach Renee is to go into her place of business.  Danielle Staub calling?  Turtle-Face Renee is all classily upset over Pia’s f-bombing in her store.

Don’t use curse words in my store.  Show some fucking class.

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Sugarbush
About

Hi, there!  About me...well, let's see.  I like to think of myself as an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in a mystery.  Sometimes my personality doesn't even reconcile in my own head.  I'm a really caring and sensitive person, but I have a dark, dry, sarcastic sense of humor which tends gives the impression that I have no soul.  I am married to a great guy who shares my sense of humor and we have a son who, both fortunately and unfortunately, has his mother's personality.   I'm an independent contractor who works from home and keeps the kid all day, everyday.  I've loved to write my whole life and have big, never-to-be-achieved dreams of one day writing a book.  My favorite past time is laughing, which is what brought me to this site.  I can laugh at almost anything, so beware.

10 Comments

  1. 1
    PlathAddict PlathAddict
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 4:47 am

    Great job Sugarbush! Also, thanks for taking this on! I look forward to reading your recaps.

  2. 2
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 5:04 am

    @Sugar Bush, please get out of my head. I was just thinking I needed some sort of translator to understand what Leah is saying. I hope that they are bad words because that would only solidify my love for her.

    I loved that she said she was ready for a fight because her hair was slicked back but had on the biggest earrings I have ever seen. Ummm not sure how they fight in Chicago but earrings are something that’s easily tugged on.

    Why are boys so dumb? Dave you are and adult and I am sure that your girlfriend knows that you have been to a strip club. Why not just say well yeah me and the guys have been out to a few strip joints in our time and yes Pia has been there.

    Now I see how people feel when they watch RHOA, the Midwestern accents are tough for me to digest. It hurts my ears a bit.

    There has to be a reason why Pia is running up Nora’s ass. There’s no way I’m going to befriend the person who called me a cunt whore before my friend who was sticking up for me. Yes we got into a bit of a fight but we were obliterated and made a mistake.

    All in all the show is getting better…and I was thankful we had alot of Leah this week.

    @Sheesh (since we talked about it on the last recap) did you get a chance to catch Love and Hip Hop Atlanta?

  3. 3
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 5:59 am

    What you are hearing is a HARD Chicago accent.
    When Leah is talking I hear all of my elders in my head and it grates on MY nerves!
    I always say about Iowa…we’re so boring we don’t even have an accent.

    Classy, I have watched Atlanta and I’m sooooo in.
    Joseline is a man. man. man.
    Scrappy’s mom is…whoa…physiochotic…pimp?

  4. 4
    Chicken Lips
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 8:27 am

    Thank you for highlighting the potty mouth of our favorite Classy Chick Renee. I almost fell off my couch when she actually said “I don’t talk like that” even though not 15 seconds before she was all “fuck this, fuck that, I don’t fuckin’ talk like that you fuckin’ classless whore!” It’s like she doesn’t even know what she’s saying. And I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – someone that constantly has to point out how classy she is is most definitely the epitome of classless. That’s right, Renee, I’m talking to you.

    And what is with the mouths on these women? Heaven knows that I have a mouth on me that embarrasses sailors at times, but even I’m uncomfortable with the language these broads are constantly using. Has there ever been a “diary time” where they haven’t had to bleep at least two words in the 15 seconds of the interview? They are just swearing for the sake of swearing at this point. And when I say it’s too much, it must be too much.

  5. 5
    hot cawfee
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    See see !!!! I knew Leah would get some love !!!!!! She is so awesome– she had me at the get go to be sure and when she did her interview, she reached down for her glass of wine. sigh…..Its exactly what I’d do–ok it was last episode but ya know.
    Back to reading

  6. 6
    Tadow
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 7:16 pm

    This show is okay, the recaps are better. Love and Hip Hop Atlanta is amazing! I don’t know who any of those people are, but they put it all out there.

  7. 7
    Yvonne
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    Renee is trying too hard to be “classy”, that it just makes her look like a stuck up bitch. Which I think she might be… How does she know Pia is a “hoe bag” ? She’s a stripper not a prostitute. I don’t mind Pia, she’s kind of stupid when it comes to Nora, who clearly talked shit about her. I felt bad for Pia because even when Renee left dinner early she tried to make excuses for her. She was clearly just trying to be her friend. Leah is my favorite so far but then again I liked Karen from the original Mobwives at the beginning of the first season & look where that ended…

  8. 8
    Rudy burich
    Posted June 30, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    Worst show on tv it gets more stupid every week . They should rename it dumb and dumber. The ratings are horrible. The wrists must be 8 years old. It sets cable back 30 years.

  9. 9
    featherhead
    Posted July 1, 2012 at 10:57 am

    I just watched today’s episode (I won’t spill) but as of today – Renee is my new favorites, followed by Leah. Can’t wait till the new recap! I taped love & hip hop so I could see the rest of mw and I ended up getting sucked in too.

  10. 10
    Rudy
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 6:09 am

    This show is horrible. The producers must be joking. These
    Five broads put theie makeup on with a shovel jerry springer show has more class
    Br

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