Last week on Loosely-Connected Women of Chicago, FACEBOOK UNFRIENDING became the Mob Wives Chicago THE CHRISTENING and Renee had a straight-up breakdown over the possible custody loss of her youngest daughter (which had me feeling bad for her until this episode).
Leah and Christina meet up for coffee. Christina tells Leah that she met up with Pia. Pia’s proof that she didn’t do anything was that she was held down by bouncers, but Christina excuses that away by noting that if the bouncers were on her that means she was doing something. Leah notes that Pia’s dad was a POS rat.
Not sure if anyone else has noticed, but Christina looks like Jenni Farley in 10-20 years. Either that or she looks like she’s getting ready to go to the studio to record the voice for Family Guy‘s Lois. Therefore, I shall henceforth call her C-Wow.
She also has been using her safe-cracking skills to raid Cuntess LuAnn’s stash of massive medallions.
Nora told Pia that C-Wow was trying to be all buddy-buddy, so Pia was pissed off that C-Wow didn’t come to her current friend first. You know, I’m wondering why Goodfellas, The Godfather, Donnie Brasco, and Casino failed to portray such riveting drama as we are seeing here? Why didn’t we witness Tony Soprano’s beef with Pauley Walnuts over him being unfriended on Facebook? Or that the real reason Big Pussy was offed was that he didn’t invite Tony to his cocktail party? Those movies would have been so much better…
Leah is done hearing about Nora and says she can “wipe my ass with her”. I’m quickly falling in love with Leah. I’m also falling in love with the Mob Wives makeup artist. Holy shit. I wish I could have someone transform me like that. She goes from looking like John Waters in drag to Bernadette Peters’ hardass sister in a snap.
Nora and Pizzaria are chilling on a rooftop talking about last week’s meeting with C-Wow. Pia talks about how she’s going to keep her friends that have her back instead of those who stab her in the back and pull out her weave while two men are holding her down. While this whole debacle is something I remember dealing with in middle school, I can’t understand why she would think that Nora has her back after Nora called her a “cunt whore” (this is what I determined from my lip reading skills), but C-Wow doesn’t because she was standing up for her. But, this wouldn’t be akin to the Housewives franchise if these arguments actually made sense.
Pia grew up in the city so she doesn’t have time for all of this suburban bullshit. She’s going to give Renee the benefit of the doubt, despite the fact that Renee thinks she’s a classless stripper whore. So, she’s going to do the Housewives thing and meet up with her for lunch or coffee or whatever.
Renee shows up at her business, Eye Candy Optics, where her boyfriend Dave is chilling in his newsboy cap. She asks him if he’s done any work yet, to which he replies that he doesn’t feel like doing anything so he’s going to leave it for her to do. She asks how they should split the work and he tells her to tell him what needs to be done because he’s got shit to do. This looks eerily familiar…
“It’s silly, you know, how they said you cheated on me. Right?”
“It is what it is, Tree. I gotta go take a shit.”
I can’t yet tell if they have a relationship like I have with my husband, where we fuck with each other, but don’t mean anything we say or if Dave actually is a huge dick. I’m willing to lay money down on option #2.
Pia believes the best way to approach Renee is to go into her place of business. Danielle Staub calling? Turtle-Face Renee is all classily upset over Pia’s f-bombing in her store.
Don’t use curse words in my store. Show some fucking class.