Leah and C-Wow meet up somewhere in the city to share their latest woes. C-Wow tells about the mouthy neighbor, to which Leah replies that if she had kids she’d be throwing molotovs into people’s windows on the regular for screwing with her kids. Oh, Leah. You don’t even know, honey. My mom once bit a kid who bit my brother and I’m way more violent than my mom. Then, Leah starts crying and reluctantly reveals her mother’s breast cancer diagnosis. I love Leah. I love a gal that can threaten people with extreme violence, but be pudding inside.
Pia and Leah go to shop for Nora’s birthday gifts. Pia says that Nora is a simple girl…Leah’s response? She’s a simpleton. Sweet. I’m excited she got that one right! Score, Leah! Leah searches around to see if this boutique has any common sense for sale, but settles for a snow leopard-print top (“hint hint, animal-like,” she says).
Nora’s told them to wear close-toed shoes and no skirts. Leah’s ready to beat her with her closed-toe shoes if she doesn’t reveal the location soon eough. I think they’re all worried it’s a setup. Pia finds out that Nora was talking about Renee to Leah and Pia flips. She’s sick and tired of hearing about Renee. I bet this party is going to go over really well.
Giana’s at work where she gets a call from an inmate at a federal prison. Daddy time! She tells us that she’s really close with her dad and that they can share anything. She claims he’s a really caring, thoughtful person. I’m sure he is, except when he’s murdering people. Ted Bundy may have seen caring and thoughtful right before he murdered someone and then raped their corpse. It doesn’t actually make him caring and thoughtful. I feel really bad for Giana, but she’s got to think about the family of the person her dad murdered. She asks what he thinks about Renee coming. I’m guessing Vh1 is forcing them to have Renee attend so that they can get something entertaining going on here. Besides, what’s more dramatic than prison?
Yeah, she acts like you killed someone or something. She’s so dramatic.
The creepy party is getting underway. C-Wow asks Nora if there will be any men where they’re going. I guess now that her daughter knows she’s divorced, she’s ready to go out and lay everything with a penis she sees. Leah is very disappointed and C-Wow wants to stop by the toy shop to grab a mechanical dildo. OK, calm down, C-Wow. C-Wow and Pia agree that if a guy doesn’t pay for the date, he’s no good. Not necessarily. In my experience, what you really have to watch out for is the guy who jumps at the chance to let you pay for the entire date. When they’re too eager, they’ll continue to do this until you realize he’s a douche canoe. Nora takes this opportunity to tell us that Pia thinks that way because she’s used to men shoving singles down her pants. Wow! She is SUCH a good, non-judgmental friend! And later we’ll find out that not only is she an awesome friend, she also is totally not at all a hypocrite.
She tells the girls that she’d rather play with herself than feel obligated to hang around after a guy buys her gifts. So, I guess it’s slutty to be a stripper to make a living, but it’s not to whore yourself out by doing a guy just because he picked up the check at The Sizzler. Leah freaks at the image of Nora playing with herself, as does every other viewer right now. I’m trying really, really hard not to let that image fully manifest itself.
Slowly, the scenery outside the party bus changes from highway to alleys behind warehouses. This is looking more and more like it’s not at all set up by Vh1. Turns out, they are going go-cart racing. Afterwards, they’ll go for pizza and games at Chuck E. Cheese’s. Leah is completely let down. Don’t take a girl with big, kinky hair to a go-cart place. She’ll never be able to comb her hair again. Leah’s also wearing those giant dream-catcher earring things. Maybe those are secret weapons. They could be like Chinese stars.
All I could hear when I saw this was “Sloppy joe, slop-sloppy joe!”