Mob Wives Chicago Recap: Go Karts? More Like Hit-n-Run Karts.

Recaps

By Sugarbush | Monday, July 9, 2012 | 12:33 pm | 16 Comments
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Posted in: Mob Wives Chicago, Recaps

Leah and C-Wow meet up somewhere in the city to share their latest woes.  C-Wow tells about the mouthy neighbor, to which Leah replies that if she had kids she’d be throwing molotovs into people’s windows on the regular for screwing with her kids.  Oh, Leah.  You don’t even know, honey.  My mom once bit a kid who bit my brother and I’m way more violent than my mom.  Then, Leah starts crying and reluctantly reveals her mother’s breast cancer diagnosis.  I love Leah.  I love a gal that can threaten people with extreme violence, but be pudding inside.  

Pia and Leah go to shop for Nora’s birthday gifts.  Pia says that Nora is a simple girl…Leah’s response?  She’s a simpleton.  Sweet.  I’m excited she got that one right!  Score, Leah!  Leah searches around to see if this boutique has any common sense for sale, but settles for a snow leopard-print top (“hint hint, animal-like,” she says).
Nora’s told them to wear close-toed shoes and no skirts.  Leah’s ready to beat her with her closed-toe shoes if she doesn’t reveal the location soon eough.  I think they’re all worried it’s a setup.  Pia finds out that Nora was talking about Renee to Leah and Pia flips.  She’s sick and tired of hearing about Renee.  I bet this party is going to go over really well.

Giana’s at work where she gets a call from an inmate at a federal prison.  Daddy time!  She tells us that she’s really close with her dad and that they can share anything.  She claims he’s a really caring, thoughtful person.  I’m sure he is, except when he’s murdering people.  Ted Bundy may have seen caring and thoughtful right before he murdered someone and then raped their corpse.  It doesn’t actually make him caring and thoughtful.  I feel really bad for Giana, but she’s got to think about the family of the person her dad murdered.  She asks what he thinks about Renee coming.  I’m guessing Vh1 is forcing them to have Renee attend so that they can get something entertaining going on here.  Besides, what’s more dramatic than prison?

Yeah, she acts like you killed someone or something.  She’s so dramatic.

The creepy party is getting underway.  C-Wow asks Nora if there will be any men where they’re going.  I guess now that her daughter knows she’s divorced, she’s ready to go out and lay everything with a penis she sees.  Leah is very disappointed and C-Wow wants to stop by the toy shop to grab a mechanical dildo.  OK, calm down, C-Wow.  C-Wow and Pia agree that if a guy doesn’t pay for the date, he’s no good.  Not necessarily.  In my experience, what you really have to watch out for is the guy who jumps at the chance to let you pay for the entire date.  When they’re too eager, they’ll continue to do this until you realize he’s a douche canoe.  Nora takes this opportunity to tell us that Pia thinks that way because she’s used to men shoving singles down her pants.  Wow!  She is SUCH a good, non-judgmental friend!  And later we’ll find out that not only is she an awesome friend, she also is totally not at all a hypocrite.

She tells the girls that she’d rather play with herself than feel obligated to hang around after a guy buys her gifts.  So, I guess it’s slutty to be a stripper to make a living, but it’s not to whore yourself out by doing a guy just because he picked up the check at The Sizzler.  Leah freaks at the image of Nora playing with herself, as does every other viewer right now.  I’m trying really, really hard not to let that image fully manifest itself.

Slowly, the scenery outside the party bus changes from highway to alleys behind warehouses.  This is looking more and more like it’s not at all set up by Vh1.  Turns out, they are going go-cart racing.  Afterwards, they’ll go for pizza and games at Chuck E. Cheese’s.  Leah is completely let down.  Don’t take a girl with big, kinky hair to a go-cart place.  She’ll never be able to comb her hair again.  Leah’s also wearing those giant dream-catcher earring things.  Maybe those are secret weapons.  They could be like Chinese stars.

All I could hear when I saw this was “Sloppy joe, slop-sloppy joe!”

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Sugarbush
About

Hi, there!  About me...well, let's see.  I like to think of myself as an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in a mystery.  Sometimes my personality doesn't even reconcile in my own head.  I'm a really caring and sensitive person, but I have a dark, dry, sarcastic sense of humor which tends gives the impression that I have no soul.  I am married to a great guy who shares my sense of humor and we have a son who, both fortunately and unfortunately, has his mother's personality.   I'm an independent contractor who works from home and keeps the kid all day, everyday.  I've loved to write my whole life and have big, never-to-be-achieved dreams of one day writing a book.  My favorite past time is laughing, which is what brought me to this site.  I can laugh at almost anything, so beware.

16 Comments

  1. 1
    featherhead
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    Wow that Nora is gonna get the beat down of her life! She loves to throw bombs as long as there is an escape route! That bitch be quick!
    and now I love Pia too. I floved her shutting down Nora about Renee – her yelling you weren’t friend with her for fourty years – love her! There is something totally wrong with Nora, I wonder if she’s drunk all the time or just has a personality disorder? Either way her friends are dropping like flies. I predict at the reunion we’ll see Nora hobbling in on crutches with two black eyes!

  2. 2
    Clevegal42
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    Nora is like Chicago’s Stupid Cousin Suck Up. Very CSU like is that she is stirring up the most inconsquential shit yet stupid because while CSU mainly manages to stir shit and get people screaming at everyone else but her, Nora is such a dumbass that she gets everyone all pissed off at her and screaming at her.

    And that might be the only compliment I ever give CSU – she’s one crafty bitch.

    I’m dying to know what the clientelle is at Pia’s place of employment – she’s not all that great looking and now we find out that Nora worked there? Pia is no spring chicken and it is my understanding that rich old guys want to hang out with hot young strippers and old crusty strippers. Old moderately wealthy men? Middle aged rich men? Someone needs to explain this to me, please.

    At the birthday party, I actually felt a little bad for Nora and having no one show up at your birthday party. I have no friends and not only did people show up for my last birthday party, I even had a crasher. Of course, it was at a bar so that probably contributed to the attendance.

  3. 3
    hot cawfee
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 5:27 am

    Doesn’t C-Wow’s house have a For Sale sign out front??? Dang–I’d be a little more concerned about that other than my parent’s sitchy-ation. Then again tho, Little Cawfee was a practical kid–I mean hell–where was I going to store all my books?????

  4. 4
    NikkiHughes
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 8:16 am

    I love Renee so much. Nora is a psychotic punk-ass bitch. Hate.

    How is someone “retired” from the mob? I thought there was only ONE way out. :P

    How do you not tell your child that you are divorced from her dad? So strange.

    I wish someone recapped The Real Housewives of Vancouver. That show is amazing. :D

  5. 5
    labowner
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 10:01 am

    Oh how I love Renee and Leah.

    What is up with Nora? I am seeing why she has not spoken with her mom and sister in a while. If this were the old Love Line, Adam would be taking bets on what happened to her as a child.

    Nikki RHOV was awesome but sucks Christina is not coming back, but her and Kevin are doing a travel show which I can not wait to watch.

  6. 6
    NikkiHughes
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    Well that just sucks! I lurve Christina. Jody and Mia make me want to punch something. OH MAH GAH they are vile! :\

  7. 7
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    I went to an indoor go cart place once with a bunch of people from work. I was a fucking blast. We were crazy! It was so much fun and we were driving going as fast as we could and cutting each other off. When you go really fast you have to work your arm muscles to keep it straight. We did it over luch and when we went back to work my hand kept lifting off the paper when I was trying to write. I had to put my left hand over my right to do anything. We were all dying laughing at our arms floating involuntarily.

    Nora didn’t have anyone come to her party when she was a kid because she was a weird kid…kinda the way she is a weird adult. I hope Pia is the one to beat her ass.

    PS…I just got a new grandson this weekend! Damn I miss the forums!

  8. 8
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    congrats Sheesh!!! Another one! What’s the name this go round?

    I hope Pia beats Nora’s ass too. Based on the previews from next week some one’s ass is getting handed to them.

  9. 9
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    Parker…I do like this name. Well. I’m OK with this name.

    Oh man..did you see Renee go on the ground “beggin”.
    Thirsty bitch. Her and her weave.
    Did you watch Love and Hip Hop? Rodel annd I were whooping it up.

  10. 10
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    That has to be a lot of drinks to get on the ground begging for a fight.

    I definitely watched Love and Hip Hop. They say here on the radio that the fight was edited and Scrappy beat the crap out of Stevie J (yessssss!). to the point where he and Joseline had to go to the hospital. next week looks good also….

  11. 11
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    Oh oh. Rodel is gonna freak when I tell him!
    So Scrappy put “paws” on him.
    I am so using that anymore when I feel it necessary.

  12. 12
    featherhead
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 5:31 pm

    @Classy Drunk and Sheesh – I watched Love and Hip Hop too. Thanks for the info! I thought Scrappy got the better of Stevie, did you notice that Stevie almost went down when the security people were walking him away. His legs gave out and would have fallen if they didn’t have him by the arm. I hate Stevie and have a little crush on Scrappy – but DAMN his mother is certifiable.

  13. 13
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 5:38 pm

    Stevie was walking like he got kicked in his twigginberries (or he got his grapes stomped).

  14. 14
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 7:53 pm

    Sorry Sugarbush to hijack…I noticed that too feather. They say Stevie had a concussion. I hate Stevie with ever fiber of my being.

    Nora is like a friend I have. She is still 13 in her mind, but 40 in body. I don’t have a problem with go karting but if I have my heels and such on I don’t want to go go karting. I want to party.

    Note I still love Leah. She actually used words I knew this episode.

  15. 15
    featherhead
    Posted July 11, 2012 at 2:02 am

    @classy – to be fair (and I hate Nora) she did tell everyone to wear close toes shoes and no skirts. But the surprise was stupid. Pia mentioned it was nice of all of Pia’s friends to go to Nora’s party.

  16. 16
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted July 11, 2012 at 11:53 am

    That’s true Feather. And Pia was right that it was nice of HER friends to come to her birthday party.

    Sheesh and Feather with the new forums we can talk about Love and Hip Hop instead of hijacking Mob Wives. (sorry Sugarbush and other commentors.)

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