Mob Wives Chicago Recap: If You Don’t Like the Warm Weather, Leave the Kitchen

Recaps

By Sugarbush | Monday, July 2, 2012 | 1:36 pm | 11 Comments
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Posted in: Mob Wives Chicago, Recaps

Renee is chatting with a friend name Chrisy at a bar.  Do these ladies do anything else?  They’re always at a restaurant, bar, or club chatting with someone.  Do they spend any time at home?  With their kids?  Scrubbing toilets?  Finding good spots to bury a body?  Surely they have to do something else.  I haven’t watched any other Mob Wives shows, but I’m thinking we could use some Big Ang here.

Of course, what’s talked about is the issue of Renee being late to the memorial lunch.  Renee says that she was late because her daughter was sick to her stomach.  I’m not sure why she didn’t just say that in the first place if that was true.  Chrisy says that friends don’t treat each other like Nora’s treating Renee.  It seems that Renee has saved Nora’s phone from being disconnected, paid to get her nails done, and given her clothes and bags since she moved back from Florida.  OK, now I see why she’s so pissed. 

Wow!  I asked and I received.  Apparently, these women DO do something other than go out for food and drinks to chat.  Nora and Pia go to the pet store to give their tiny dogs baths.  You couldn’t have done this in the sink or tub at home?  When they’re done, they lock the dogs into clothes dryers.  Riveting.

Nora checks her messages and it happens.  Like a cuss-word filled version of the Bethenney voicemail to Jill, it is a message from Renee.  She doesn’t really explain anything to her.  She just cusses her out the way girls would do to each other in middle school.  I think we called that “telling off”.  You remember if you were or had a friend who was a “badass”, they would get themselves all worked up over an argument with one of their girlfriends.  They would plan to corner said girlfriend with some of her cronies and then just start cussing, like, “Oh, you think you’re all that?  Oh no you’re not, you stupid fucking bitch.  I’ll shove my foot up your ass so far it’ll come out your mouth.”  And then they would walk off and never raise a finger.  It was terrifying, I tell you.  So, I’m sure it’s even more terrifying as an adult. 

So, like a middle school girl on her period, Renee totally tells Nora off on her voicemail.  That’s awfully ballsy of you, Renee…  I hope she actually tells her why she’s pissed and let’s her ass cash that voicemail check.  I’m sure they’ll do this at a restaurant or bar.  Or maybe a swanky club.  With no preface, Nora just plays it for Pia, so Pia thinks it’s insane.  Renee’s also been sending her texts.  She must have done all of this after a few shots, because I can’t imagine a grown woman who seems to have a brass set doing this.  Of course, would it be a Housewives-type show if she didn’t act that way?

C-Wow meets up with Leah and her dad, Wolf and I’m seriously disappointed.

What I expected.                                            What I got.

C-Wow dares Wolf to a drink-off, but he and Leah assure her that she would lose.  Leah lives with her dad and they’re best friends.  She tells us that her parents divorced when she was 9 months old and that her dad loved her so much that he threatened her mom if she didn’t let him have her.  But not with violence, Leah says.  Oh sure.  As stereotypical as you guys have been, I would imagine that your parents are just as bad.  This means that he would hit your mom.  With a shovel.  While wearing a white tank top undershirt.  And bury her corpse in a remote area never to be found again.

Wolf asks C-Wow why she hasn’t told her parents that she’s divorced.  She tells him that it’s because her dad is old school and doesn’t believe in divorce.  Wolf says, “What is he gonna’ do, beat ya’?”  Um, well, apparently that’s how you guys work, soooo…   C-Wow continues to describe her father and he sounds like the Gorga parents.  Oh good God.  I hope no one asks her to go to therapy…oh wait.  She’s already done that.

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Sugarbush
About

Hi, there!  About me...well, let's see.  I like to think of myself as an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in a mystery.  Sometimes my personality doesn't even reconcile in my own head.  I'm a really caring and sensitive person, but I have a dark, dry, sarcastic sense of humor which tends gives the impression that I have no soul.  I am married to a great guy who shares my sense of humor and we have a son who, both fortunately and unfortunately, has his mother's personality.   I'm an independent contractor who works from home and keeps the kid all day, everyday.  I've loved to write my whole life and have big, never-to-be-achieved dreams of one day writing a book.  My favorite past time is laughing, which is what brought me to this site.  I can laugh at almost anything, so beware.

11 Comments

  1. 1
    featherhead
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    Nora’s a nut and that “sit down ” made me love Renee. I love how she sat there calmly and did not utter a word until the very end. And in my opinion she didn’t stick her finger in Nora’s face, she pointed her finger on her side of the table. My finger goes up when I’m mad too. Her being late to Nora’s dads memorial did not warrent the attitude Nora was giving her, she did show up and Nora has got to drop this crap about her dad dying – when she mentioned her mom and sister I knew there is much more to this story. I couldn’t believe she told Renee that she hopes she loses her daughter (as she was running out the door) she’s lucky Renee didn’t snatched her by the back of her head right there!

  2. 2
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    Thank you thank you THANK YOU!!
    Stupid DVR cut off right before it got good. Damn, Rodel loves him some confrontation and he missed it.

    I don’t get Nora’s storyline either. I think she’s a wackadoodle..I mean I really think she needs meds and a white coat. Memorial for her father….bah….I doubt she even knew him very well.

    I really want to know Leah’s secret for getting those curls. As a whitegirl blessed with frizzy hair I would die to get curls like that.

    I will watch because it’s Chicago, but so far they make Chicago look dirty.

  3. 3
    Sugarbush Sugarbush
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    @Sheesh, go to Vh1.com and see the clip. They don’t have episodes, but they’ve got clips and one of them is the fight scene. It’s pretty awesome. It kinda’ made up for the rest of the episode. When Renee slams Nora’s head into the bar and fell out. Bitch is bad. For real.

  4. 4
    sheesh
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    Renee is still no Drita.
    I’ll have to look as last night the vid wasn’t up.

  5. 5
    Chips.N.Whips
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    Christina looks like Alex Borstein (formerly of MAD TV – Miss Swan! – now known as voice of Family guy’s Lois).

    Loves me some Leah. I crack up whenever she’s onscreen.

    Keep up the good recaps!

  6. 6
    BelowSeaLevel BelowSeaLevel
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    @ Sugarbush, I’m cracking up at your writing the fight scene kinda made up for the rest of the episode. So true with tv. I need to start watching this show. Great recap!

  7. 7
    labowner
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 5:22 pm

    “Shoving your finger up a person’s butt just doesn’t seem threatening. It seems gross and a little sexual.” Planning on trying this with Mr. Sugarbush as well? :)

    Loves me some Leah and Renee. I do think Drita might even think these chicks are nuts.

    Not sure which one I am giggling more at “Satchels of fuckin gold” or “Aaaaand done”

    Sheesh I love watching the scenes and trying to figure out where they are (if they are in Chicago – ahem Schiller Park, Elmwood Park, Franklin Park, Cicero)

  8. 8
    JudgyWudgy
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    NOICE! I had no idea this show existed or how many episodes I’ve missed. But I’m so glad to discover it, and recaps I can stomach again. Wahoooooo!

  9. 9
    featherhead
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    @judgywudgy – I think this may be the third episode in. The rerun them often though. Its slow at first but now its getting good!

  10. 10
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    The loose curls are amazing Leah.

    Nora kept running after she did everything, throw drink, run, grab hand, run, ummm if you are going to “lay hands” on someone you have to be ready to fight.

  11. 11
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted July 5, 2012 at 10:54 am

    @Classy.
    I saw that a little differently.
    Nora throws drink..runs (come on after me Renee)
    Renee, “I’m coming for ya!”
    Nora comes back and grabs Renee’s hand..runs (come on Renee tape’s rolling)
    Renee, “When you least expect it. FINGER UP ASS!”
    Nora slumps shoulders and sighs. Goes back one more time BACKHAND! POW!
    Renee, ‘There won’t be a place you can…Muthafuck??!!”
    Nora, “Finally!”

    OK..that’s was an exaggeration, but for as much as Renee was talking about spreading Nora’s ass all over it took her long enough to get froggy.

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