Christina Scoleri considers herself an average mom. Her dad may have burgled a few places for the mob and may even have taught her how to crack a safe or two, but she is strictly not about that life. Although, I could see where safe cracking would be a very nifty skill to have. Anyway, Christina is divorced but still lives with her ex-husband because their families, including her nine year old daughter, don’t know about the divorce. You know, until they see it on television.
Look, no one knows I’m divorced. Well, they might know now, but don’t tell them.
And, then there is Leah Desimone. She loves her some fatties y’all! She screeches it to us as we also learn that she and her brother were kept in the dark about her father’s crimes. They were told that he was in “college” whenever he went away for any length of time. And, I laugh at how stupid children are. Really? College? Is that better or worse than Carla telling her kids that Joe was “at work” all those years that he was in prison? I’m going to say that it’s worse because at least Carla fessed up to it when Joe came out of his sentence. It sounds like Leah and her brother were never told the truth and were left to figure it out for themselves.
Yeah, I look like a coked out Minni Driver, but I still love me some fat ass!
Now that we’ve gotten the introductions out of the way, let’s backtrack a bit and tackle what little actual plot there was in this episode. So, Pia and Nora are extremely close. Nora disapproves of Pia’s stripping and wants to get her off the pole. Pia just wants to be supportive to Nora while she tries to find her father. And, you know that sounds twisted, but it’s also kind of sweet. Sure, Nora is being all judgmental about Pia coming home smelling like baby oil and shame after a long night of flashing her junk to bored businessmen. But, she only has Pia’s best interest at heart, right? It’s not like she’s being all judge-y just for the sake of it, right?
Yeah, you’re looking at my mug shot. But at least I’m not a stripper. Not that I judge my closest friend for being one.
Renee gets into an argument with her oldest daughter. Her daughter wants to get to know her murdering jailbird dad. Renee is dead (heh) set against it. In her mind, her dad was a murderer and therefore forfeited the right to know his daughter even if her adult daughter has decided that this is her decision. After that touching family moment, Renee heads out with Nora. Even though Nora and Pia are really close, Renee doesn’t like Pia. She’s afraid that Pia’s stripper stank will rub off on her. Also, Renee doesn’t like that Pia’s dad was a dirty cop turned rat. And that just ain’t classy folks.
Look, we all know rats just ain’t classy. It’s not like they dress up in thigh high boots and too much make-up with a bunch of extensions when they go out to party.
Pia talks to her cousin, no word yet on whether this is a real cousin or a fake one ala CousinSuckUp. Her cousin is telling her the latest gossip and it’s all about Pia’s BFF Nora. Pia tries to stay loyal, but I think we can see the writing on the wall here. I mean Nora doesn’t like that Pia is a stripper and she is aligning herself with Renee’s “classy” self, this is not going to bode well. Let’s just hope there is no gunning down of anyone in the streets. Who are we kidding? These bitches are so desperate to make an impact, that’s probably going to happen in the finale.
Pia and Christina meet up and discuss Nora. They want to include her in their group since she just came back to town, but now Pia is hearing that Nora has been talking behind her back. You know what would be nice? If all reality shows would just admit to the simple conceit that everyone talks behind everyone’s back. Seriously, if I’m talking to my sister about something my mom said or did, does that mean my mom needs to kick my ass for talking about her behind her back? Or, can we all just grow up and accept that we will not be privy to every single conversation in which our name is being mentioned?
Yes, I watched the Tahiti episode. I’m not proud of it. And I no longer love Tami.