Mob Wives Chicago Recap: Strippers are People Too

Recaps

By PlathAddict | Wednesday, June 13, 2012 | 12:30 pm | 17 Comments
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Posted in: Featured, Mob Wives Chicago, Recaps

Christina Scoleri considers herself an average mom. Her dad may have burgled a few places for the mob and may even have taught her how to crack a safe or two, but she is strictly not about that life. Although, I could see where safe cracking would be a very nifty skill to have. Anyway, Christina is divorced but still lives with her ex-husband because their families, including her nine year old daughter, don’t know about the divorce. You know, until they see it on television.

Look, no one knows I’m divorced. Well, they might know now, but don’t tell them.

And, then there is Leah Desimone. She loves her some fatties y’all! She screeches it to us as we also learn that she and her brother were kept in the dark about her father’s crimes. They were told that he was in “college” whenever he went away for any length of time. And, I laugh at how stupid children are. Really? College? Is that better or worse than Carla telling her kids that Joe was “at work” all those years that he was in prison? I’m going to say that it’s worse because at least Carla fessed up to it when Joe came out of his sentence. It sounds like Leah and her brother were never told the truth and were left to figure it out for themselves.

Yeah, I look like a coked out Minni Driver, but I still love me some fat ass!

Now that we’ve gotten the introductions out of the way, let’s backtrack a bit and tackle what little actual plot there was in this episode. So, Pia and Nora are extremely close. Nora disapproves of Pia’s stripping and wants to get her off the pole. Pia just wants to be supportive to Nora while she tries to find her father. And, you know that sounds twisted, but it’s also kind of sweet. Sure, Nora is being all judgmental about Pia coming home smelling like baby oil and shame after a long night of flashing her junk to bored businessmen. But, she only has Pia’s best interest at heart, right? It’s not like she’s being all judge-y just for the sake of it, right?

Yeah, you’re looking at my mug shot. But at least I’m not a stripper. Not that I judge my closest friend for being one. 

Renee gets into an argument with her oldest daughter. Her daughter wants to get to know her murdering jailbird dad. Renee is dead (heh) set against it. In her mind, her dad was a murderer and therefore forfeited the right to know his daughter even if her adult daughter has decided that this is her decision. After that touching family moment, Renee heads out with Nora. Even though Nora and Pia are really close, Renee doesn’t like Pia. She’s afraid that Pia’s stripper stank will rub off on her. Also, Renee doesn’t like that Pia’s dad was a dirty cop turned rat. And that just ain’t classy folks.

Look, we all know rats just ain’t classy. It’s not like they dress up in thigh high boots and too much make-up with a bunch of extensions when they go out to party. 

Pia talks to her cousin, no word yet on whether this is a real cousin or a fake one ala CousinSuckUp. Her cousin is telling her the latest gossip and it’s all about Pia’s BFF Nora. Pia tries to stay loyal, but I think we can see the writing on the wall here. I mean Nora doesn’t like that Pia is a stripper and she is aligning herself with Renee’s “classy” self, this is not going to bode well. Let’s just hope there is no gunning down of anyone in the streets. Who are we kidding? These bitches are so desperate to make an impact, that’s probably going to happen in the finale.

Pia and Christina meet up and discuss Nora. They want to include her in their group since she just came back to town, but now Pia is hearing that Nora has been talking behind her back. You know what would be nice? If all reality shows would just admit to the simple conceit that everyone talks behind everyone’s back. Seriously, if I’m talking to my sister about something my mom said or did, does that mean my mom needs to kick my ass for talking about her behind her back? Or, can we all just grow up and accept that we will not be privy to every single conversation in which our name is being mentioned?

Yes, I watched the Tahiti episode. I’m not proud of it. And I no longer love Tami.

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PlathAddict

If there were ever a situation where in which I had to choose between cheese and chocolate, cheese would win hands down. I spend my days writing blog posts for the multi-housing industry and my nights harshly judging people who appear on reality shows. If there is the odd weekend in which I am not working, or feeling smugly satisfied about my lack of my own reality show, I will build a blog for my friends. Then, I will spend the rest of my weekend conning other friends, family members, and general acquaintances to donate their talents to help out. I am shameless in my love of free stuff, blue humor, and great or even terrible fiction. I tell my friends that I watch reality shows to feel better about myself. In actuality, I watch them because I am vastly entertained by the things people will do to be famous. When Flipit asked me to join the TVGasm family, I was honored. When he said that I would be paid in Cheetos and M&M's, I was totally in.

17 Comments

  1. 1
    Chicken Lips
    Posted June 13, 2012 at 4:59 pm

    Thank you PA for touching on the “classy”. When those two broads were talking about their lives and how classy they were, I pointed out (outloud even though I was alone – it was that good!) that if you have to tell everyone you are classy…you probably ain’t classy. Just sayin’. Klasse, maybe, but definitely not classy.

    I was thinking I wouldn’t watch the show – I’m still trying to decide. I don’t know if I have it in me – they will never live up to what we get from Staten Island. Now, if Big Ang decides to vacation in Chicago, then maybe we’ll talk.

  2. 2
    labowner
    Posted June 13, 2012 at 5:18 pm

    Thanks Plath. I gave you my “don’t read Karen’s book” recap on the mini recap.

    That bar scene was badly edited for shit. All I could figure out is Christina kept it up saying, but it was bothering Pia and she kept talking to me about it so she wouldn’t let the convo go. It was odd, forced and they got very drunk except for Renee. She seemed pretty sober.

    I love the over use of the word “allegedly”.

    Why tell everyone about your secret divorce on TV? I really don’t understand people some days.

  3. 3
    hot cawfee
    Posted June 13, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    Maybe they meant “Class A” like felony and we being lovely folk assumed they meant classy. Mayhap they should read Countless Lulu’s book for she is the doenne of all things class.

    I am so on board with this show. I love Leah and her chubby chasin’ ways. And that hair–totally curled on spoolies.
    And Norah I am on board with your journey and finding out about your Dad. You had me “I’ll have a shot and a cocktail”. Look forward to a personal note each recap from me. Only Lauren Manzo is favored with them. Somehow I don’t think Norah suffers from the moments of self-doubt and loathing or the maternal brow-beating.

  4. 4
    hot cawfee
    Posted June 13, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    Sigh…I miss Big Ang too. Maybe I am transferring that onto Leah.

  5. 5
    PlathAddict PlathAddict
    Posted June 14, 2012 at 4:39 am

    @Chicken Lips, I couldn’t resist poking fun at the CLASSY. Because it’s not just that they are calling themselves classy, it’s that they are on a reality show about drunk bitches fighting calling themselves classy.
    @Lab Owner, I saw the recap and was grateful. Thanks for taking that bullet for me. The divorce thing made no sense to me either. They go to all of these great lengths to keep it secret from their family and child – even continuing to live together, and then spill the news on a national television show?
    @Hot Cawfee, “Class A” I love it! Luanne would shit herself were she to actually come face to face with any of these women. Of course, I would actually pay to see that.
    All in all, the show wasn’t horrible. It just felt really forced, like they were pushing their way through the plot just to get to a fight and the fight was incoherent because it took so much alcohol to get things to a physical point.
    I think back to the first season of the original Mob Wives. There were 2 fights the entire season. The first one was the hair pulling fight at Renee’s house between Renee and Carla. The second one was the rooftop rumble between Karen and Drita. Both of those fights – even though they were surprising – seemed to build from a truly organic place. And, no one was drunk during any of those fights. They physicality came from a build up of tension and in both cases, there was never even any intent to come to blows at all.

  6. 6
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted June 14, 2012 at 5:17 am

    Sigh…you had to give up your love for Tami also Plath? Then I know the producers say “talk about this scene” so yes Tami (and every other reality star) people are going to talk about you. Now whore slut might be a bit far especially if my friend says it, but yes there will be times that people talk about you behind your back even. And guess what…they might NEVER say it to your face.

    I love me some Leah already. When she said she was a chubby chaser she had my heart.

    I didn’t Pia being drunk so quickly either. This might be a stereotype but I figure strippers are good drinkers. I also assume the same about bartenders.

    What also makes me believe your theory about feed the women drinks is, have you ever noticed that most times when the women get together, and this is on all reality tv shows (housewives, bad girls club, etc), they have a driver or a limo taking them to the party. I really think that’s so the women can get as trashed as they please and not have to worry about driving home. Or the producers can get them trashed and not have to worry about a lawsuit if one of the women gets a DUI or worse.

  7. 7
    PlathAddict PlathAddict
    Posted June 14, 2012 at 5:31 am

    @Classy, yeah. I had to give up on the Tami love. You know I thought she was the only entertaining thing about that hot mess of a show. So, I didn’t watch it regularly, but my sister told me that I had to watch the Tahiti episodes and when I did, I was so embarrassed for Tami. But, then she would be on Twitter and blogging about how she didn’t bully anyone. I couldn’t respect her not owning up to her behavior.

    As for Pia, yes I would expect her to be a better able to handle her liquor. But, then I noticed she wasn’t the only one slurring, she was just the one slurring the most. So, I totally suspect that they were just feeding these women drink after drink after drink. Renee seemed to have controlled her intake, but I suspect Pia would never turn down a free drink – no judgement from me on that one cuz I likes my booze too.

    And the limo thing? I think you hit the nail on the head. There is always a car of some sort to make sure the women are driving around drunk off their asses. So, I guess that’s at least 1 point for Reality TV producers.

  8. 8
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted June 14, 2012 at 5:49 am

    Agreed Plath. And the bullshit about how she didn’t steal Keisha’s purse. Tami was really under the impression that she took the purse because had Tami left it it would have been stolen. SMH

    “I suspect Pia would never turn down a free drink – no judgement from me on that one cuz I likes my booze too.”

    I am actually a bit more leery of people who turn down free drinks than who take them. :)

  9. 9
    PlathAddict PlathAddict
    Posted June 14, 2012 at 6:07 am

    Haha! The purse stealing thing. You know she came up with that explanation as an alibi just in Case Kesha actually did call the police. Then she could say that it was all a misunderstanding and Kesha was confused about what happened. But, she forgot that it was on film.

    “I am actually a bit more leery of people who turn down free drinks than who take them.”

    Hahaha! That reminds me of when my now husband first met my dad. My dad offered him a beer and my then-fiance accepted immediately. My dad knew right then that I was marrying a man who could be trusted.

  10. 10
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted June 14, 2012 at 8:08 am

    You have married a smart man. :)

  11. 11
    hot cawfee
    Posted June 14, 2012 at 9:30 am

    @ 6 ClassyD——-I think the limos came into play when Real World Hawaii Ruthie (the trainwreck’s train wreck) got bombed and drove off with production clue following and (natch) filmong. The producer pulled her over and tried to get her to stop driving– thankfully no one was hurt and of course no arrests were made.

  12. 12
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted June 14, 2012 at 9:42 am

    I thought about that when I came up with the limo theory hot cawfee, but I think back then they weren’t trying to get their personalities drunk to get a good show. That’s when the real world was pretty real.

    Now they are feeding these women drinks before they shoot so they can get a good fight scene.

  13. 13
    labowner
    Posted June 14, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    I’m sorry not to threadjack, but how in the hell could you ever like a woman (tami) that claimed she was raped on reality tv when we all saw what she did before and what happened between her and David. That two bit slut should have been left on the side of the reality tv highway.

  14. 14
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted June 14, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    Plath…I really hope this show picks up and becomes worthwhile.

  15. 15
    PlathAddict PlathAddict
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    @classy, My husband is extremely smart. Out of the three married daughters in his family (well, one is divorced but it still counts), my husband is my dad’s favorite son-in-law.

    Hahahah! @labowner, I take my eyes away for a little while and you try to hijack the thread? Awesome.

    @sheesh, I hope it does too. It has potential. I think it’s just trying way too hard right now (It’s kind of like the ugly chick with no personality who befriends all of the guys in hopes that she can get some action). Hopefully, the next set of episodes will start to tone it down so that we can actually get to know the women. The problem is that I don’t feel like I know them well enough to be invested in any fight they might have. I think they started this one off with too many women. I liked the set up of 4 women on the original series. It’s just another reason that I hated the addition of CousinSuckUp as Karen’s advocate – plus CousinSuckUp was just awful and not worth the time. I think all of the Chicago Mob Wives have definite potential to be interesting, entertaining, and relatable, but there has to be more development beyond an introduction before I can get into spliced together fights.

    It really does feel like the first couple of episodes of The Bad Girls Club whereas, I was expecting to watch Mob Wives. I don’t really know all of the players well enough to tell them apart; I certainly haven’t gotten invested enough in them to choose sides in a fight (especially with that editing). My hope is that now that we’ve seen a fight, we can find out who they are and what they are about.

  16. 16
    BellicoseBaby
    Posted June 16, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    I saw a few minutes of this show – the fight at the high-rise club in downtown Chicago. That was all I had to see that this show is bogus.

    Now if they showed a bunch of goombahs at Jilly’s on Rush or laying bets on, well anything at the Backstreet Inn in Elmwood Park…

  17. 17
    Pedro Watson
    Posted July 11, 2012 at 11:28 am

    Those Chicago accents are so stupid, women acting like their fathers instead of their moms – horrible ugly women that rip off every idea from the original Mob Wives of Staten Island – no comparrison

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