Nora leans over and asks if they’re “talking in the third person, because I am right here.” Huh? Pia tells her that’s not what “talking in the third person” means and I die laughing. Nora gets up and walks to the bathroom and quickly comes back to say that she has food poisoning and must now go. C-Wow’s idea to fix the food poisoning is doing tequila shots. Yeah, those tequila shots. They always make me NOT want to hurl.
C-Wow tries to stop her from leaving, but Nora can’t not leave without saying something about Renee’s being late. Pia tells everyone to not be surprised, because this is normal for Nora. Leah follows Nora down and they all pass Renee who is finally gracing the party with her presence. Nora’s crying to Leah that she doesn’t feel good and Leah tries to assure her she won’t let this be what Icky Gunvalson would call a “gangbang”.
Renee comes in to see what the hell just happened. Pia’s girlfriend tells her what went down and Renee says she has “scared motherfucker syndrome”. Renee wants her to come back, because she wants to tear her ass apart. C-Wow goes to call Nora to see what’s going on and how to get her back there. Leah thinks this is crazy talk. Leah, stop being so damn level-headed!! We don’t want a level-headed show. We want DRAMA!
Pia and Renee are chatting inside about Nora while C-Wow and Leah talk to Nora on the phone. Renee says she normally wouldn’t want to have other people see her talk to Pia in public, but she’s giving her a chance right now. Renee tells Pia that she doesn’t like her based on what everyone else has had to say about her. How grown up of you to let everyone else around you make your mind up about someone.
Nora comes back to the party with the excuse that she had to leave because she’s dealing with a lot, what with her dad coming back from the dead and all. Leah notes the rage showing in Renee’s eyes as Renee bolts over there to start shit with Nora.
She wants to test Nora’s balls to see how big they are. Renee just starts in on Nora while Nora sits there doing the Taco Bueno hand.
Blah Blah Blah
Nora tell us that Renee can “talk to the hand, because the hand is now missing”. Sometimes this show just makes fun of itself. Renee wants to see where Nora’s balls are to which Nora replies, “They’re not in your mouth!” Did she just tell her off? I’m not sure what that was supposed to mean.
No, they’re in hers!
Leah seems confused about what’s going on and does nothing to stop it. I thought you weren’t going to let anyone screw up the party, Leah? Nora cries at Renee for pointing in her face, so Pia takes this as a loose segue into the dancing revelation. “Why did you point your finger at me when you were a dancer, too?”
Sssshhh… Did you hear that whistling? It’s the sound of the wind passing through all of their heads.
Nora screams that she never danced. Oh Nora. When someone calls you out on a truth, you need to just take it and own it. Instead, Nora stands up to say that she’s not at all like Pia. Pia says she’s worse, because all she does is lie. Nora then says, “You danced for 15 years, you whore!” Uh oh. Swiftly, a hand flies upside Nora’s head and then we go to commercial. Fuckers.
C-Wow is all confused over this whole thing. So am I, C-Wow. So am I. Nora sits down and then stands back up to fling her hands in Pia’s face like a cat on a scratching post.
Slappity slap slap!
C-Wow asks Nora why she would let Pia hit her in her face. She wants her to hit her back. Wait…what? I thought this fighting pissed you off? Those Vh1 producers must be chirping in her ear again. Renee is waiting in the hall ala Teresa at the fashion show. She starts doing some strange mocking laugh in Nora’s face and then when she doesn’t get the reaction she wants, she starts shoving Nora violently. That’s when the asshole bouncers come in and try to break it up. Nora calls it an ambush. Oh my, could this show try any harder to be the RHONJ?