Hi everyone! We had a not so exciting finale, but a lot of familiar faces! Hopefully this week I won’t piss anyone off, but I’ll use the disclaimer that everything included in this recap should in no way be taken seriously:)
On to Hagerstown, Maryland! There is yet another secret gypsy community that came to America in the 1800′s from England. How many ‘secret’ gypsy communities can there be? They obviously aren’t too damn secretive if they are on national television. We also have another Romeo and Juliet! These gypsies are just full of star-crossed lovers. Fourteen years ago, Nettie (Not the same one that is a sister to Mellie) and JR bucked tradition and eloped. JR had to talk her into running away, but she finally gave in. Nettie loved JR when she was 9 and he threw hay on her. I’m sorry if this sounds boring, but it’s all I’ve got to work with.
JR fills us in that Nettie was exactly the type of woman/prepubescent teen that he wanted – she was quiet and didn’t have any boyfriends. Dream big, JR. They share an apartment with their 3 children, JR’s sister Laurel, her 3 kids and JR’s parents. An apartment. For 6 kids and 5 adults. If this wasn’t crazy enough, we are treated to a 5 minute montage of Nettie cleaning a glass table while her father-in-law critiques her. This would be my worst nightmare.
You missed a spot, Mom.
After 14 years, they are finally going to have their dream wedding. Evidently TLC ran out of people actually getting married and have resorted to forcing people that already are to re-do it. JR even gets down on one knee to ask for his wife’s hand in re-marriage. This may have been a little more sentimental if the entire family wasn’t watching and he could have put down his bottle of water to do it.
The wedding is 1 week away so Nettie is heading to Boston for her dress fitting. At least she isn’t calling to order it one week before. I guess I shouldn’t speak too fast. I guess Sondra and the gang have been working around the clock for a week to get the dress ready. So she called a week prior to this to order it.
The dress is white and gold with tons of crystals, gold and silver. I’ll be honest, I actually thought the dress was pretty. Until they put that big-ass tiara on her head and then it was a bit much. Again, there is no mom there. This could have something to do with her eloping 14 years ago, but they gloss over most of that. Her bridesmaid Nicole and maid of honor/sister in law Laurel are also there to try on their bridesmaids dresses. Again, these are actually kind of cute, but they do at least throw in some awkward poses and bad dancing.
If I were old enough, I might have breasts to actually show off
Enough of the wedding, we also have a baptism! We meet Ludar Gypsy Chris who has been dreaming of the perfect baptism for his son Christopher since his birth. Christopher is now 9 and has three younger siblings. Ludar Gypsies are originally from Bosnia and are known for being really religious. I’ve got to say, Chris looks familiar, but it’s possible a relative has been on here before now.
Sondra is creating baptism dresses and suits for all four children – including baby Bella. Because this is such a wonderful occasion, unlike every other event she makes a dress for, Sondra and her seamstress Diane are delivering the dresses. They even stay for a fashion show of the new outfits!
TLC is paying me enough that I’ll even sit through this shit
In a rather creepy interview, Chris’s wife Amanda tells us that their daughter, Priscilla – who is 6 – needs to look good because fathers of boys are going to be checking her out as a potential bride. I find grown men checking out a small child for marriage potential incredibly creepy. Priscilla’s dress is a masterpiece – Sondra even added a little sexy element by having it be off the shoulder. The boys are in blinged out suits and baby Bella has a pacifier with 1,440 austrian crystals. I personally feel this is a huge choking hazard, but what do I know.
I can’t say anything mean, because this kid is adorable. It’s not her fault her parents put her in this dress.