It’s time for JR to go tuxedo shopping, so he is taking his sons and his friend Danny. Danny seems like a real douche, so I’m sure this will go well.
Danny talks JR into getting a black tux with hot pink accessories. He looks like a cross between a 60′s gangster and a pimp. I’m sure that will go great with Nettie’s gold and white dress.
The employee tries to talk him out of it and seems terrified that he wants to look like an idiot. I’m paraphrasing, but you get the idea.
JR calls Nettie to tell her about the tux and acts like a complete dick while the employee looks on in horror.
I feel your pain lady
His explanation is that he needs to ‘pop’ just like she needs to ‘pop’.
Thank God we get to take a break from that idiot and head back to the baptism! They are running late because Chris is taking forever to fix his hair. Then he forgets the box with Bella’s bib, shoes and socks. What a prize he is. It also seems that Sondra and Diane have been invited to the baptism. Man, they are giving it up for TLC.
They show the family pulling up to the church and I swear it looks like the entire parking lot is empty. The godmother to be Sabrina is wearing a hot pink dress and looks like she should be the entertainment on a cruise ship. The service is in full swing, so the family conspicuously head to their seats.
Discreet, my ass.
Once the kids are baptized, Chris decides to thank God in his own way. This involves the minister laying hands on him while he cries.
The funniest part of this whole segment is this kid that they are interviewing outside the church. He says that he likes how they had crosses that looked like they could be diamonds that weren’t. Then he says ‘They were Gypsies? I did not know that’. He seems so grown up, but I guess you had to see it to appreciate the humor.
What would a baptism be without a party? Holy shit – I think I just saw Pat Baby! There is of course venue drama because the guys are drinking outside. Also – no alcohol is supposed to be consumed until the sheriff arrives. The venue manager doesn’t want to be on camera, but then gives an interview. She says that she could shut it down but ends up not. The sheriff shows up and they just tell them to go inside. They really led up to this like something big was going to happen, then nothing.
The rest of the party is kids dancing and the 2 cops looking on. Also – that was definitely Pat Baby! It looks like he is some relation to Chris.
Hell yes, it’s me
It’s 24 hours to the wedding and the girls are getting their nails done. Meanwhile, there is a truck transporting the dress from Boston. There is some drama when they try to fit the dress into the apartment, but that is short-lived.
The women are headed to the bachelorette party – OMG – It’s bleach brushing Laura!
Enamel, what’s enamel?
They are all excited because they are going to have champagne and they never drink. In fact, Nettie and Laurel have never touched a drop of alcohol in their lives. Gypsy husbands forbid drinking because it may cause their wives to misbehave.
Meanwhile, the men are heading to The Hide Away for some dancing and drinking. Nettie makes the mistake of calling JR to check in – which is a big no no in gypsy culture. Douchebag Danny grabs the phone and hangs up. It’s ok, though because Nettie is drunk off a few sips of the bubbly and seems to not care. JR and Danny are talking to a girl that looks to be around 18 when a local comes up and punches JR. Faster than Superman, JR is out of his shirt and ready to fight!
Why don’t I have my pimp cane to beat him with?
All hell breaks loose and the bachelor party comes to an end.
It’s the wedding day and Nettie is getting ready. She gets a phone call from JR who tells her to look out the window. This is what she is surprised with:
We get it, it’s a fairy-tale wedding
There is a minor amount of drama trying to fit out the door, but into the carriage she goes! When they finally get to the wedding site, Nettie has to use the little girls’ room and shoves herself and her dress into the women’s room. She could probably take a piss in the dress and the 20 layers of crinoline would absorb all the liquid. Bladder empty, Nettie is ready to go. She is anxious because she doesn’t want JR to be wearing the pimp suit. She walk in and is thrilled that he is wearing the white and gold tux.
They have a ton of chairs set up and decorated, but it looks like there is only about 20 people there. They pan over the crowd and we see cousin lovin’ Annie and her mom Jet. Kayla and her husband are there. Oh my God – please tell me Mellie is there!
After the ceremony, Nettie changes into her dancin’ dress. We get a flash of Fightin’ Frank from Thanksgiving and then we get the ultimate prize with a quick glimpse of Nettie (The original) and Mellie. It’s like a big fat gypsy reunion!
One of the many things that drive me nuts about this show is that the whole show talks about the planning, but then they skim over the actual event in 5 minutes. Not to mention the fact that they don’t seem to think any of us notice that it’s the same damn family through the whole season.
This episode was rather boring, and there really wasn’t a lot to make fun of, so I hope you all enjoyed it. At least JR gave us some stuff to work with. I really was hoping for some excitement for the season finale, so I feel a little let down.
Well, we have come to the end of the season. I want to thank everyone who has read all of the recaps. For my first show, you have all been wonderful. I did see during one of the commercials that they are having a 2 hour special that involves Mellie somehow, so I will be covering that when it is on.