Time for a little human geography lesson! Evidently Irish Traveler’s are more theatrical and conservative, while the Romani Gypsies are more raucous and wild. Translation – Irish Travelers are dignified and Romani Gypsies are white trash. What with the arranged marriages and close knit community, Irish Travelers are kind of like the Amish, but with technology and rhinestones.
Well, we wouldn’t want you to go through this whole episode without getting your fix of trashy clothing and slutty dancing – It’s time to see what Mellie is up to! It seems that Mellie and Nettie are planning a baby shower for Nettie’s 16 year old daughter, Dallas. Something tells me that if you are expecting a typical baby shower with games and cake, you will be horribly disappointed. The girls are in some kind of store looking at bras that they can ‘bediamond’. Was ‘bedazzled’ copyrighted? Nothing like a bra with rhinestones on it to welcome a new baby into the world!
Not just for breastfeedin’
During the shopping trip, Mellie does her trademark floor humping and gyrating.
Stay classy, Mellie
After their shopping trip, they are in Nettie’s truck having a delightful conversation about boobs. I guess they live somewhere that seat belt laws don’t exist, because there are 5 of them in the backseat of the truck. Nettie starts to lecture them with ‘Here you are talking about boobs and cleavage’ and I get excited because finally there will be some good, motherly advice. Then she finishes with ‘And I’m talking about getting ready for this party’. So close, Nettie, so close. Once they get home, Mellie tells us that their clothes need to be ‘Gypsified’. They lay everything out and start to apply all kinds of jewels. Nettie’s 14 year old daughter comes out to model her bra and I swear they said that her name was Nettie, too, but it’s hard to tell.
Now that everyone – pregnant daughter and 14 year olds included – is dressed up, it’s time to hit the town! Nettie’s nephew Cody will go as a chaperone. What happened to Heath? Did he not do a good enough job chaperoning Mellie? As far as chaperones go, Cody is a pretty shitty one. All the girls are having a gypsy tail gate – dancing in the parking lot. I’m sure the last think they were trying to get was attention, but nonetheless, they do. A woman drives past and screams ‘Dirty Little Sluts’ out the window. Never one to be brought down by public opinion, Mellie says that the next time, they will know to dress skimpier. Oh, Mellie, how we’ve missed you.
While there isn’t exactly a venue, they do manage to get kicked out of a bar. I’m sure they did nothing wrong and Cody assures us that they see the spike hair and know they are different. Everywhere they go, people look at them. Mellie chimes in with ‘We are who we are and don’t change for nobody’. Gotta love the double negatives and horrible grammar.
We don’t want you to get overloaded, so we’re going to go back to Tamara. She is stressing because this will be the first mixed wedding ever in Murphy’s Village. As a warm up, she is having a jewelry party. Please note that this is not a home party where she sells jewelry. This is much more purposeful. A jewelry party is an Irish Traveler tradition that shows the community that a new baby will be taken care of. The parents lay out all of the baby’s jewelry and clothes to show off to the village. I feel so bad for Jackson. He is wearing a tiny blue suit that is just covered in rhinestones. Even his shoes are covered in gold stones. That shit has to weigh a ton. Not to mention the choking hazard if one of those falls off.
Seriously – anyone know how to put yourself up for adoption?
Mother and child pose outside of the home on a red carpet before going in and waiting on their guests. After 4 hours, only a handful of people have shown up and Tamara is visibly upset. Is this just a foreshadowing of the wedding? You’ll have to wait to find out because we get to get back to Mellie and the gang. It’s time to get ready for the baby shower! This involves a lot of glueing jewels to their tits and shaking their asses. Once Mellie and Nettie jr. are ready they come out and pose for pictures. Nettie sr. gives them some maternal advice: ‘Head up, stomach in, ass out and walk like your shit don’t stink’. Words to live by.
I’m shocked only one of them is knocked up