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Hey, hey ‘gasmi! Happy All Hallow’s Eve. Gotta warn ya going in – I am in a foul mood. No need to get into it, just know that sometimes life sucks. With that out of the way, let’s get into our minicap.
We open with Rayna having a filthy dream about Deacon and getting woken up by Teddy. The scene shifts to Juliette. Two cops show up at Juliette’s door with a summons because of her shoplifting. She laughs in their faces and slams the door.
Teddy’s political stock is plummeting so Rayna agrees to sing at his fundraiser. While this isn’t in and of itself a terrible idea, Rayna manages to completely FUBAR it.
Scarlett and Gunnar get a publishing deal and Scarlett basically pushes him out of the way to tackle Avery with glee.
Paparazzi are camped out in front of Juliette’s gates in the hopes of getting some kind of photo. I want to call bullshit on this. I mean, it’s only shoplifting! Yes, it’s bad and no one should do it but it’s not like she rammed her car into a hobo and left him to bleed to death in her garage. In some kind of synergy, Katie Couric appears as herself on her show discussing Juliette’s sticky fingers. THIS irritates the shit out of me. I’ve never been a raging Katie fan but I always considered her a reputable journalist. Not now, never again. When you whore yourself out to add a touch of authenticity to a hit television show, you lose all credibility.
Gunnar meets a flirtypants PA at his record company. Scarlett is quick to snatch him away.
When the CMAs drop Juliette as a presenter, she finally realizes she has to get in front of the media shitstorm and do a sitdown with Good Morning America (Best line of the night? “Isn’t there an election going on?” in reference to GMA wanting to do an exclusive interview with Juliette on the shoplifting scandal. And Robin Roberts? What I said about Katie Couric goes for you too. But multiply my contempt by 200% because at least Katie has some fluffy talk show. Good Morning America is still about real news, non?
Awkward and uncomfortable dinner with the record company execs, Gunnar, Scarlett and Avery. Avery doesn’t have his big-boy pants so he throws a fit and stomps away to walk home. Scarlett looks like a kicked dog. Flirtypants lets Gunnar into said pants.
An old flame from Teddy’s past appears and Rayna throws some serious bitch-eyes at her. Pretty rich from a woman who’s kept her exlover entwined in her life throughout their marriage.
Juliette rages at her mom when she tries to feed her pink macaroni. That is pretty hardcore trailer cuisine, eh? Juliette flips and she dumps CrackMom’s bag out in an attempt to find drugs or items CrackMom has stolen. She only finds a picture of baby Juliette sleeping on CrackMom’s chest. It’s pretty touching but I did yell at the tv “Did you check all the zippered pockets?”