OK, folks, I’ma level with y’all. My heart just isn’t really into this recap. It was my darling baby’s birthday this weekend. So…up until now, my time has been pretty jam-packed with real-life stuff. Also, because I stuffed myself sick last night and am suffering the worst food hangover of my life, I can barely concentrate on anything other than my cup of tummy-soothing tea. It’s SourCake for real tonight.
We open with Juliette doing a ridiculous publicity stunt. She’s opening a zoo or an animal refuge or something equally worthy but the shit-smelling look on her face and her bitching to McKenna makes it clear to anyone within 50 feet of her she’s just doing this because she’s been told to. My question: Where are the paparazzi to document her whining and complaining? Or do they just magically appear when she needs her photo taken?
The only real purpose of this is to get Juliette to go out on a date with Tim Tebow.
This lunkhead will be playing the role of Tim Tebow:
He’s cute but I felt my brain dessicating as I watched him.
Rayna and Bucky are meeting with Marshall the record exec. He’s just as penile as I remembered.
Long scene short: Rayna wants to use a fresh-blood producer, Marshall gives her a list of record company-approved producers and Rayna is like, Whatever, I do my own thing. Suck it.
Actually, don’t. I don’t want you sucking anything anywhere near me, you fat fuck.
Teddy’s being tag-teamed by Tandy and Lamar. Teddy’s still down in the polls so they need to do something to get more voters to pay attention to the rich, white dude. Heyyyy, Lamar’s got a stellar idea!
I think it would be just dandy if I arrange for a black man driving in a wealthy neighborhood to be stopped by a good, ol’ boy cop. Can’t think of any fallout whatsoever if it ever came out that I colluded with the police to interfere with a candidate’s election campaign.
The idea that they are planning this heinous, racist scheme to score some Clean Campaign points for Teddy is revolving and makes me actually hate Lamar. And ordinarily he’s the most compelling character for me. I’ve never agreed with his choices or his decisions but damnit, that man was easy to watch. THIS made me look away in shame and discomfort.
The two hillbillies in love – Scarlett and Avery – are having a lovely moment in their otherwise rather awkward and painful lives. Avery’s band will be playing a gig that some big-shot regional promoter will be attending. They even have a shot at opening for the Lumineers. Now, ‘gasmi, I’m hoping you can school me on whether or not this is a real band. Since I am old and pathetic, my musical knowledge pretty much stops at 1999.