Nurse Jackie Recap: Bag Open, Cat Out

Jackie pawns him off on Sam, and tells him to not let Dick out of his sight. Of course, the first thing that happens is Zoey asks Sam to take her spot on a trauma patient because she’s avoiding Lenny. The patient, Dave, is a teacher who fell off a chair and keeps insisting he’s fine. He’s been sent in because of the school’s safety procedure policy, but reassures them he doesn’t want to sue anyone. He’s the cool guy, and just wants to get back to his class. So naturally, while they’re transferring him to a bed, the gurney slips, Dick lets go of the sheet, and Dave gets dropped flat on the tile floor. Nice work!

Everyone immediately blames everyone else, they all rush to help a now actually injured Dave, and While this is happening Dick just walks away. Who didn’t see that coming? Anyway, Dave is now bleeding from the head and can’t breathe without pain. I know he’s the cool guy and all, but I’d be suing the shit out of All Saints after a stunt like that.

O’Hara is more determined than Jackie to trash Kevin, and she’s examining Eddie’s eye, hoping his dust up with Kevin resulted in a detached retina or some kind of permanent damage. That’s cold, O’Hara. Eddie insists he’s fine, but you know how guys are.

If you truly don’t think your retina’s detached, I’d be happy to remedy that for you.

Jackie warns her to stop making things up, and Eddie emphasizes that Kevin is his friend, and he doesn’t want any trouble. They argue about the boundaries of post-adulterous friendship, and O’Hara grabs Eddie’s badge, reminding them both that the pummeled face in the picture was Kevin’s doing. Then Dick appears at the pharmacy window and tries to order movie tickets, so Jackie books it out after him. She passes Dick off to Thor, with more instructions to keep him close.

Countdown to Escape #2!

Jackie has commandeered Charlie and forced him to go with her to a meeting. He’s disgruntled because it’s his 18th birthday, and he’d rather have some gyrating stripper ass in his face than listen to another AA story. Jackie tells him she’ll take him to lunch, but when she steals a sip of his smoothie, he freaks, and this happens:

This gets them summarily rejected from the meeting, and the leader won’t sign Jackie’s paper, so that’s an hour wasted she can’t count toward her custody case.

As they leave, she starts yelling at Charlie, but it turns out he freaked for a reason: his smoothie was spiked with Vicodin. To give Charlie credit, he did try to save her sobriety. He didn’t offer her the smoothie and he definitely made it clear that she couldn’t have any, but Jackie is maaaaaad. She tells Charlie they’re done, and leaves him on the sidewalk. Happy birthday!

Back at All Saints, Jackie storms the pharmacy, in search of ipecac. Ok, I might skip watching this next part. Showtime knows better than to make me see the puke, though, and we switch over to Cruz, Thor, and Dick stabilizing a patient. Naturally, Cruz has no clue that Dick isn’t an active healthcare provider, and Thor isn’t about to let him in on the joke, so Cruz just tells Dick to get an ID badge and leaves. So Dick wanders off to surgery. Thor is busy manually breathing for the patient and can’t follow. Escape #2 complete!

Coop finishes stitching Dave’s head, and makes a crack about satisfaction or your money back. Dave mentions that he shouldn’t have to pay for the injuries incurred while BEING DROPPED BY THE HOSPITAL STAFF, and of course since money was mentioned, Cruz swoops in and drags Coop aside.

He orders Coop and the nurses to not acknowledge in any way that they dropped Dave, and says that Coop’s buddy-buddy attitude is going to get the place sued. Well, I’d be more likely to sue a place that wouldn’t acknowledge dropping me on my head. I’d also be more likely to consider suing if the head doctor was a condescending prick. Admittedly, my brain went straight to the lawyer’s office the second Dave hit the floor, so maybe that’s just me.