Nurse Jackie Recap: Served!

Jackie asks Thor if he’ll cover her so she can meet Kevin, then requests help in the form of his magical gay makeup skills. He trashes all her outdated makeup and conceals her undereye bags. She should totally recruit Thor to teach Grace about eyeliner application. Jackie is ready to win back her man!

It’s a waste of Thor’s concealer though, because Kevin doesn’t show. Instead, he sends divorce papers by way of an Asian messenger. Jackie (who was certain she had Kevin in the bag, if I recall correctly) is so totally blindsided that she orders a giant whiskey. Before it can arrive, she cancels it and orders a shitload of pie, instead. She leaves a desperate voicemail for Charlie, then proceeds to eat her feelings.

And now I want pie.

She returns to All Saints in a less than stellar mood, which Zoey proceeds to aggravate by nagging her about her shoulder. Sam sees it coming, but Zoey keeps talking, which results in an ass reaming the likes of which she hasn’t gotten from Jackie since Season One.

O’Hara is attempting to rest on her couch while Akalitus studies for her recertification. Coop appears like a douchey Wiseman, bearing a mobile for O’Hara’s baby. O’Hara snarls at him and promptly rejects his gift. Aw. He can be irritating, but I thought that was mean. Someone gives your fetus a gift, you say thank you, right?

Coop is unfazed, though, and stoked to hear the baby is a boy. Can’t keep that guy down. Jackie shows up looking shell-shocked, but her attitude on the Kevin situation seems to have done a 180: “If that fucking guy thinks he’s gonna leave me eating alone with a pile of divorce papers,” she says, “he’s got another thing coming.” BOOM. Watch it, Kevin.

Coop is full steam ahead during his forum on the new uniform scrubs, using Thor as an unwilling model. The news goes over badly, but Coop reassures everyone this is an open forum and they should ask questions. This prompts Sam to voice what we’ve all wondered for about four and a half seasons now: why is Coop such a dick? Coop denies being a dick, and asks for a show of hands: who thinks Coop’s a dick?

Oh. Well, okay then.

Awesome. Zoey and Thor voice some concerns, but it’s clear that the Q&A session isn’t going to have any bearing on what will happen. The words fell from Coop’s mouth, but they belonged to Cruz, and everyone knows it. Basically, they’re stuck wearing the scrubs. Akalitus doesn’t roll like that though, and she just up and leaves. Everyone follows, and it looks like Cruz is has a uniform-based mutiny on his hands.

Lenny brings in a pregnant woman who got clipped in the belly with a cyclist’s bike handlebar. No surprise there; those guys are generally dicks. O’Hara is ready to take the case, but Cruz shows up and dismisses her without explanation.

I’m sorry, you and your fetus will have to step outside.

Good Nurse Jackie is tending to Timothy, wondering if there’s anyone they can call for him, since all attempts to reach his insane mother fell short. All he can talk about is Jess, though, his dead girlfriend with whom he made the ill-fated leap. He says a few things about how that bridge was the last place they wanted to be, but nothing about why. It’s weird and sad, but sort of incoherent. Also, way to mention your busted shoulder to a freshly de-armed man, Jacks. Jeez.

Cruz pops into O’Hara’s office to update her on the pregnant patient, and gets a face full of angry Englishwoman for his troubles. She hisses at him about her ability to work, and lets him know she will do so until the baby chews right through its own cord, thank you very much. And once again we see how Cruz’s asshole behavior results in misunderstandings: he took over the patient because he’s an obstetrician, and was better qualified to deal with it. He could have just said so at the time, but that’s not how Cruz works—he barks orders, and is used to being obeyed. If he wants you to have an explanation he’ll let you know. But he’s still a turd, because he throws a “that’s just one powerful man’s opinion” at her. Cruz, this is why no one likes you. Before she can glare a hole in his forehead, a disheartened Coop delivers the box of uniforms to Cruz, telling him he’s on his own with that shit.