Pretty Little Liars Recap: Fakin’ Babies

Recaps

By Hypnotoad | Friday, June 29, 2012 | 1:01 pm | 15 Comments
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Posted in: Featured, Pretty Little Liars, Recaps

At the nuthouse, Hanna’s sneaking in to see Mona.  Wasn’t she behind a locked door?  Let’s see how well this goes.  Wow, the security is lax in this place.  Wren tries to stop Detective I’ll Have to Google His Name Because He Hasn’t Been On the Show in 6 Episodes from visiting Mona, but he has a court order to see her.  Detective Wilden is his name (and sporadically showing up is his game).  Wren spies Hanna and probably gets a boner.  But it’s a British boner, so it’s more refined and respectful than an American one.

Nate and Emily are at The Only Restaurant talking about swimming and Maya and Maya’s family and junk.  There’s an anecdote about Maya but I’m not going to repeat it because it doesn’t end with ” . . . and then she acted like a megabitch and ruined everything,” so it’s obviously a lie.  Nate said that Maya called Emily her “first real love.”  Oh, uh-huh.  So “real” that she boned some dude at Camp Druggie-Whore-Awana, apparently.  Em wants Maya’s parents address so she can thank them, but Nate doesn’t have it and will give it to her later.  So, I’m going to assume that Nate isn’t actually Maya’s cousin and is either in cahoots with “A” or has his own agenda to blackmail or something (maybe he’s the druggie that Maya effed with at Camp Toke-And-Boff, I don’t know).  Nate left a book behind.  There’s probably a clue in it.

Hanna’s still at the institution.  It’s been an hour and Detective Wilden is still talking to Mona about Alison’s remains or whatever.  She tells Wren that she has just one question for Mona and will hurry, but Wren says that he’s already in trouble for extending her visiting hours (which Hanna didn’t know about).  He says that he thought that Mona and Hanna were connecting, so he just did it.  Oh, brother.  Wren has an agenda, and said agenda is about 6 inches long and uncircumcised.

Ew!  I’m kind of raunchy this week, I’m sorry.  Back at someone’s house (Spencer’s?) they all agree they need to find out who the Black Swan is, like, prontito.  All the gals say that Melissa is the Black Swan, dammit!  Spencer says that she’s going to Philly to find out and they should come along.

Ella spies Ashley at The Bronze and Ashley asks her if she’s meeting someone for a date, someone from Mainline Mate.  Oh, cat out of bag, beyotch.  Ella’s all, Uh, wha?

In Philly (totally not Vancouver!  It’s totally America!  It’s not Canada, okay?!), suspiciously skinny Melissa is walking out of her apartment, but Aria, Em, and Hanna are spying on her.  Hanna calls Spencer — apparently, she’ll meet with Melissa while the others spy in her apartment.  Spencer tells Hanna to wait until she signals.  Hanna:  “Roger that.”  Aria:  “Roger that?”  Hanna:  “What?  We’re on a mission.”  Hee.  

Back at The Bronze (which serves wine, thank god), Ashley is showing Ella the ad and telling her that she shouldn’t delete it, because people actually do meet online.  And not all of them end up on To Catch a Predator, I might add.  Ashley and Ella are kickin’ back, talkin’ about datin’, and it’s kind of fun.  I like the scenes when people aren’t talking about secrets or mysteries or Maya.  It doesn’t happen often.  Ella says she’s struggling to adjust to the single life.  She can’t even fix a toilet.  Or dial a phone to get a plumber to come over, I guess.  She says her toilet ran for three days until her neighbor fixed it.

“I’m an old-fashioned girl.  I believe the man should do all the dialing.”

God, get with it, Ella!  It’s the 90s!!  Ashley says things will get better, but the hard part for her is not having someone to share the little things with.  Ella says it’s hard for her to sleep.  Ashley tells her that one day she’ll wake up on the other side of the bed.  Or, if you’re like me, you’ll wake up in someone else’s bed.  

Hanna is antsy because it’s been 20 minutes, but Spencer hasn’t texted them yet.  So, they just throw caution to the wind and decide to snoop around Melissa’s apartment.  Meanwhile, Spencer is still waiting for Melissa.  This will turn out well, I’m quite sure.  They enter Melissa’s apartment (they have a key, so it’s not breaking-and-entering) and begin to search for medical records.  Emiliy spies some books on the bookshelf and opens one and puts it on a desk or something.  Spencer gets a text from Melissa saying that she forgot her wallet and will be there in ten minutes.  Suspense!  Hanna left her phone in her purse and she left her purse across the room, so she doesn’t get the text from Spencer about Melissa.  Then Melissa shows up and the girls freak out and try to put everything back and then of course Hanna spills a bunch of keys or paper clips or something and Melissa’s about to open her apartment door!  (Sidebar:  You know what I’d do?  I’d go to the kitchen, grab some pots and pans, and then when Melissa came in, I’d be all, “Oh!  We wanted to surprise you.  We feel bad about, you know, not having a baby and junk, so we were going to make you a surprise dinner, so Spencer gave us the spare key, but now you ruined it.  Now you have no baby, and no surprise dinner.”)  The key turns and Melissa opens the door to her apartment.  She spies the book that Em put on the end table and is all, Hmmmm.  Then she opens the closet doors to get her wallet.  Also, the gals are hiding in the closet, but they don’t get caught.  They all agree that it was a close call and agree to leave, but then they find a hanging clothes bag (what are those called?) from the costume shop.  Inside, there’s no costume, BUT there are some decorative feathers.  Like you’d see on a black swan costume.

“Oh my god, MELISSA’S A CHICKEN!!”

Hanna, no.  Just . . . Just no.  Later, at Spencer’s house (I think), the girls show Spencer the feathers and tell her that they match the ones that Hanna pulled from the ball last season (did that happen?  Let’s assume it did.).  Hanna says that Melissa is totally “A.”  Spencer says that it’s still not concrete and wants to go back to Philly, but the girls say she can’t go alone because Melissa’s “A” and will do crazy crap and crap.  Spencer will wait for her mom to get her and then they’ll all go together.

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Hypnotoad
About

Hypnotoad is a 2009 graduate of the MFA Writing program at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. He was a staple of the Chicago Quickies reading series, has been published in various Art Institute publications, and served as an actor/playwright for the Curious Theatre Branch's Rhinoceros Festival. His works have been online at Fiction At Work and is included in their short story collection. A victim of the crappy economy, he is now living back in Kansas. With his parents. His days now consist of perusing Yahoo Hot Jobs, and sporadically posting horrible ideas on his blog. Good times.

15 Comments

  1. 1
    begonia skies
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    “…Now you have no baby, and no surprise dinner.” hahaha!

    i still feel like wren has something to do with A.

  2. 2
    Lizbot
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    No Ezra this episode? Almost makes me wish I had watched.

    The recap had me laughing out lad as per usual, but I’m just not motivated to make time to watch the actually show anymore.

    Good luck with the move and the new job.

  3. 3
    NikkiHughes
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    Ok, I just moved from 9 a.m. to 8 p.m. today to a new apartment. My back is breaking and every muscle is sore. So I don’t know if that is why, but you were on fire in this recap and I laughed way too many times to quote anything. But….Alf? Really?? lol

    I sure wish my parents were this MIA when I was 16!!

    Also, your friends don’t have internet? Someone else recapping this show is unacceptable! BUT, you know I love you, and good luck on your move and job. Maybe hit me up and give me the deets on where you’re going, etc. Closer to me!?!?! :D

  4. 4
    Pillania Pillania
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 9:29 pm

    Love your recaps, love this show. What does it say about me that I found the whole Melissa-coming-back-to-the-apartment scene to be truly suspenseful? I’m a little ashamed.

    I think Melissa knows they’re onto her (she totally knew that book was out of place) and made up the Black Swan story accordingly.

    I agree that Maya’s cousin, already forgot his name, is not really a relative and has ulterior motives.

    How is A this all powerful that he/she/it is actually flying to Cali to run Caleb’s mom off the road?! Girlfriend needs a hobby.

  5. 5
    Liz
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 10:45 pm

    Love your recaps, always and forever Hypno! I will miss you during your hiatus. Have a safe move!

    Yeah, I think Veronica is looking like Mariska Hargitay these days with that hair.

    Ooooh, what if cousin Nate ended up like Peyton’s fake half-brother stalker?? That would be awesome.

    I like Caleb because he’s the only character that consistently seems like a good person. And not a robot.

    Also, I’m starting to think The Bronze and The Only Restaurant in Rosewood are somehow the same. How did that coffee shop have “takeout”??

  6. 6
    plockeness monster plockeness monster
    Posted June 30, 2012 at 9:59 am

    Hilarious recap! I agree with Begonia, the no baby/no surprise dinner line was pure gold.

    I wish I had some awesome PLL predictions, but you kind of have to go with the flow or you’ll make yourself crazy.

  7. 7
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted June 30, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    My friends DO have internet, but they also have a 3 year-old and a 1 year-old, and I want to help out as much as I can, and they don’t live in the same area, so it’ll be a commute to and from my new job every day. Plus, when/while I’m moving, I won’t have internet until I get it hooked up. Boo. Hopefully it won’t be a long hiatus!

    I agree with your opinion of Caleb, Liz. He does seem to the be only one without an agenda (and yes, let’s not count The Tobot). Now if he would only cut that hair! I think the dude who plays him would be ever so much more attractive with shorter hair.

    Begonia — Wren could TOTALLY have something to do with “A.” I mean, can medical doctors actually just hang around institutions as part of their job? When I was in the asylum (they based Angelina Jolie’s character in “Girl, Interrupted” on me), I don’t remember that being the case. But I was too busy talking to Jesus to notice anything, so I don’t know. Wren’s just creeping me out. I really hope he doesn’t put the moves on Hanna. Of course, now that Caleb’s broken up with her, I’m sure he’ll be there for “sympathy.” Gross.

    And Maya’s “cousin” is totes up to something. Why is he so chummy with Emily? That whole “Sounds like a great first date to me” line really skeeved me out. He just met Emily AND she’s a lesbian AND she was dating his blood-relative. Ew.

    Liz: Refresh my drink — who is Peyton? Is that Hanna’s new half-sister? And how DID The Bronze have takeout? I thought it was just a coffee shop with little horrendously expensive scones and crap. This show . . . It bugs me so much. I love it.

  8. 8
    Liz
    Posted June 30, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    Omg, it’s not even just that Caleb’s hair is so long, it’s that they’ve now started mussing it for every scene. It’s ridic.

    And I’m sorry, that was a One Tree Hill reference. One of the characters, Peyton, was adopted, and one day the half-brother she had recently been told about showed up. All of her real and adopted family died (maybe her adopted dad just moved, but still she was living alone in high school) so she just believed him when he said he was her brother. But then it turned out he was actually a random stalker who lied about being her brother. He tried to kill her on prom night. It was super ridiculous, and awesome.

  9. 9
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted June 30, 2012 at 10:02 pm

    Liz! Why you gotta get me thinkin’ that there are more characters in this show than there really are?! Sheesh. ;)

  10. 10
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted June 30, 2012 at 10:14 pm

    Also, I kind of feel like that Peyton scenario HAD to have happened on some show before then. LIke 90210 or Melrose Place (the original, not the Ashlee Simpson piece of shit), some Aaron Spelling show. Or some WB crap like “Dawson’s Creek” or something. It didn’t happen on “Felicity,” because that show was focused on asshat Julie and her g.d. dad’s kidney (or maybe her stepdad. I really didn’t pay attention to Julie so much, because she sucked so much moist ass.)

  11. 11
    Liz
    Posted July 1, 2012 at 7:00 pm

    Lol! Sorry, it didn’t even occur to me that that would be confusing, which is stupid since we are obviously talking about PLL so I don’t know why you wouldn’t think I was referencing PLL.

    I fall into a weird age group (or maybe I was just really sheltered as a kid or something?) where I sorta missed all those shows so I wouldn’t know. But it seems like it had to have happened before on one of those shows!

  12. 12
    plockeness monster plockeness monster
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    Hypno – I feel pretty confident there was some type of kidnapping/stalking plot on the original MP. The story lines and character’s were bat shit cray.

  13. 13
    atlgirl
    Posted July 2, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    Keep the Maya jokes coming, Hypno. No one liked her, plus they’re hilarious.

    I actually almost liked Aria this episode, it was nice to see her care about something besides herself and her smarmy boyfriend. And I loved the scene between Aria and Hanna’s moms, a great 90′s reunion.

  14. 14
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted July 4, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    So apparently there was no new Pretty Little Liars episode this week. So, happy 4th of July! Or if you’re in not in America, happy 4th of July!

  15. 15
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted July 4, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    Happy 4th of July Hypno! I have found that I would much rather DVR PPL and watch a 3 hour block of Big Bang Theory reruns then watch this shit when it first airs. I don’t know, I am just not as into it as I was during the winter season…maybe because, oh IDK they are wanting us to think that Mona is A when really she isn’t…I watched this episode, but I feel like I missed so much, thanks for your recaps. Or was it just that boring? Detective what’s his ass is back, so that means he is up to no good. Wonder if he is going to go sniffing around Ashley again…wait, that is her name right? Hanna’s mom, Ashley?

    And seriously writers, wtf happened to Holden? I was hoping he would get paired with Aria and Ezra would just go away!

    Me thinks Jenna and Melissa are working together, I don’t believe for a minute that all of a sudden “someone sent me something and told me to be there.” bs…Some way some how they have lucas and Wren in on it too…

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