Pretty Little Liars Recap: Go Flask Alice

Recaps

By Hypnotoad | Friday, July 13, 2012 | 1:00 pm | 16 Comments
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Posted in: Featured, Pretty Little Liars, Recaps

At school, Em and Spence are talking about Jenna and what a big sighted bitch she is now.  Then there’s some talk about Aria seeing Lucas at the photo studio (I guess that’s where he was) and I guess that’s around the area that Hanna and Aria saw Lucas the other night.  I can’t remember which episode that happened in.  The first one of this season?  Let’s move on, anyway.  So, maybe Lucas took the photos in the graveyard, Emily asks?  Spencer says that could be, but why was he pounding to get in?  Spencer also lets Emily know that Garrett’s being let out of jail on some “compassion” thing to see his mom before she (possibly) dies and then Emily gets all pissed because she didn’t get to see Maya before she died.  Uh-huh.  Because Garrett seeing his (probably) loving mother before she dies is totally like seeing your ruthless, petty, pot-smoking, rude, obnoxious girlfriend before she bit the big one.  Sure, Em.  Spencer says that maybe “A” put Garrett’s mom in the hospital so that he/she could meet up with Garrett and plan some more nefarious shit.  Jenna comes up and hands out some invitations for her birthday and Spencer wonders what happened to “I’m still a target and need to hide” and Jenna says she feels a lot more safe when she’s in charge.

At The Bronze, Em’s servin’ up some pipin’ hot coffee.  Her boss expects her to work Jenna’s party tomorrow, but Emily had plans.  I guess her boss is some kind of hard-ass, because he tells her to show up and work the party if she wants to keep her job.  You know how many times a boss has said that me?  Zero.  Not once.

“I am going to pee in sooooo many coffees.”

Jenna has some lady named Laurel taking photos for her party and introduces her to Emily.  As Emily’s leaving, she overhears Laurel talking about how she had to fire her last assistant — he was stealing supplies and then came back and demanded his negatives.  Could this be Lucas?  Oh, also, Lucas and Laurel:  Digital cameras?  Yeah, they exist.  Just wanted to let you know.  Nate comes in and yells about Garrett being released but Emily tells him to cool it because Garrett’s going to lose someone too and he needs to let things play out.  She asks him to hang out until she’s done working.  Jenna sees Nate and smiles at him.  Oh geez.

Aria’s whining about Ezra to Spencer and then Ezra texts her, telling her he got an invitation to Jenna’s birthday party.  Well, that sounds appropriate.  Meanwhile, Spencer’s trying to hack into her mom’s email to find out when Garrett’s being released so she can be at the hospital to see who he’s “really” visiting or what his agenda is.  Maybe I’m just tired, but this episode is exhausting to recap.  

Paige calls the theater for Em and says that they can use the movie tickets next weekend.  Wow, that is one forgiving theater.  Also, should we assume that Katy Perry’s “movie” will be in release for more than a week?  I don’t want to live in that world, people.  Em’s trying on a clip-on tie (she has to wear it for Jenna’s party) and then Paige has to help her put it on and things get a little lesbian-y, perhaps too lesbian-y for Emily.  Paige is helping Emily look for a real tie when she finds Em’s flask from the first episode.  Emily tells Paige that she can have whatever’s in it because she’s done with all that.  But what if there’s poison or a roofie in it?!  If Paige dies, I will stop recapping.  Or, rather, I’ll recap the show, but the recap will only consist of the word “poop” typed over and over again.

Laurel and Jenna part ways and then Jenna decides to get all up in Nate’s grill and compliments him on his drawing.  Wow, sighted Jenna is such a slut.

“So, um . . . Is this how all black people look?”

And yes, I know Jenna was only blind for like 2 years or something, but that wouldn’t work for the sake of the joke, so just drop it.  

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Hypnotoad
About

Hypnotoad is a 2009 graduate of the MFA Writing program at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. He was a staple of the Chicago Quickies reading series, has been published in various Art Institute publications, and served as an actor/playwright for the Curious Theatre Branch's Rhinoceros Festival. His works have been online at Fiction At Work and is included in their short story collection. A victim of the crappy economy, he is now living back in Kansas. With his parents. His days now consist of perusing Yahoo Hot Jobs, and sporadically posting horrible ideas on his blog. Good times.

16 Comments

  1. 1
    ChaCha
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    Since when is putting on a clip-on tie harder than tying one? Puh-leeze.
    I do love your idea of the fight between Ezra and Lucas being like the one between Colin Firth and Hugh Grant in Bridget Jones Diary. Made me laugh!

  2. 2
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 7:22 pm

    Hahaha! Totally! “This clip-on tie is too frustrating. I’ll go with a regular tie; those are fuss-free, thanks!”

    I wish Pam had been walking by the doorway just then, holding a box full of ties, just at the right moment. “Oh, honey, I have a box of ties right here!” Actually, I want there to be a running theme were Emily says stuff like, “I could really go for some milk right now,” and then Pam walks by with a box of milk cartons. “Oh! Here you go honey!”

    “I really wish I had a live Indigo Girls CD right now.” “Oh, sweetie, I was just walking by with this box full of Indigo Girls CDs! Here you go!”

  3. 3
    plockeness monster plockeness monster
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 8:44 pm

    Did I miss a plot line about Ezra being broke??? I didn’t understand Aria’s pressing need to keep him from living in a van down by the river??

  4. 4
    SuburBint
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 8:51 pm

    I love this recap. I love it so much, I want to put it in my pocket and take it home and cook it a nice meal and then snuggle up with it on the couch while we eat popcorn and watch Bridget Jones’ Diary. If I wasn’t married already, I would drag this recap down to the courthouse and make it legally mine forever. I love it that much.

  5. 5
    plockeness monster plockeness monster
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 8:54 pm

    Hypno – the fact that you lovingly hate this show makes your recaps even better. Tobot. Ha.

    So, no one in Rosewood gives a shit that Aria is dating their old teacher? There was no scandal? They can just show up to a H. S. bday party together and everyone’s like, “Hey.”????

    I think the pills came from Mona. Is Paige stupid? She didn’t realize the flask was Emily’s?? The questionsssssss!!!!!!! Ieofpqjrnfobiowjt

    Jena’s face is weird.

  6. 6
    Kim
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 9:53 pm

    GREAT RECAP, as always. I’ve come to terms with the fact I’m never going to be able to follow the characters’ logic with anything and will just accept everything that happens. There’s no way I’m going to remember anything about pills and flasks and where the pills came from and who they were meant for and why why WHY.

    @ Plockeness– probably because the actress that plays her is like, 30 years old.

  7. 7
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 10:20 pm

    SuburBint — Let’s go to Utah so that you can marry this recap and then I can marry both of you and the three of us can live happily ever after.

    plockeness — It’s Aria. She has the emotional maturity of ants on a log. And I don’t mean ants, as in insects, on a log, as in wood. I mean that she has the emotional maturity of a stick of celery with peanut butter smeared in the middle and sprinkled with raisins. I can’t explain her because . . . Well, I just don’t like her. I make no bones about the fact that she’s my least favorite PLL girl. Especially since she and Ezra flaunt their love like Neil Patrick Harris flaunts his fatherhood (we get it, you’re a hot gay dad, we’re cool with it, we were always cool with it, enough).

    I love this show, mostly because it infuriates me on a weekly basis. Let’s add yet another plot to the 8 that we already have! Let’s add more new characters!!! Let’s bring back characters that have been gone for 14 episodes!! At this point, I fully expect the new “A” to be either that lame tennis kid that Spencer hung out with or Emily’s dad or the first guy that played Jason. Suspense!

  8. 8
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 10:39 pm

    Also, can I get some more love for my Riley hate? That guy SUCKED. Perhaps if they would have hired an actual actor for the role, it would have been better. Season 4 is still oddly my favorite season of Buffy (I looooooooove shows about college), but Riley is the worst, except for maybe –

    Aaron Rose. Where my Gossip Girl hos at?! Again, if they’d hired a real actor, perhaps it would have worked out. Also, it would have been nice if the “actor” didn’t look like he couldn’t give an infinity amount of shit about his role during every single second he was onscreen. I swear, watching his episodes was BRUTAL. He and Serena may be neck-in-neck with Buffy and Riley.

  9. 9
    SuburBint
    Posted July 14, 2012 at 11:54 am

    @ Dangerously — the pic of Buffy and Riley is what completely sold me on this recap. I hate the Buffy/Riley relationship with a deep, abiding, and poisonous passion, and every time I watch season 4, I spend much of the time saying cruel and cutting things to him. Sadly, my words seem to have no effect.

    How great was it when Buffy and Spike got engaged, and Riley found Buffy looking at wedding dresses? LOVE THAT!!!! “Oh, no, he’s totally old! Well, not as old as my last boyfriend….” “I’m very tired now, and I’m going to go far away and just be… away.” Yet he always returns. And sticks around waaaay too long.

    Anyway, no, you are not along in the Riley hatred. And I don’t think it was just because Marc Blucas is a horrible actor, the whole Initiative storyline is clunky and weird and unpleasant. Also, Riley is totally just a rebound from Angel. Who is also annoying, but I don’t want to kick him in the junk every time he appears onscreen.

    Is it just me, or is Buffy kind of like Ted on How I Met Your Mother? She’s the main character and everything revolves around her, but she’s by far the last interesting character on the show. Okay, stopping now, cos I could ramble on about BtVS all day. You may now return to your regularly scheduled Pretty Little Liars discussion.

  10. 10
    SuburBint
    Posted July 14, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    @Hypnotoad I just got up, and was just on the MasterChef recap, which is why I foolishly called you Dangerously. Which is embarrassing, but not as embarrassing as if it had happened in bed, so we’re all just going to pretend like it didn’t happen. Right?

    Slinking off now to go and blush in a corner….

  11. 11
    SuburBint
    Posted July 14, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    Almost as embarrassing as forgetting to close my html tags. I am on a roll today! Time to step away from the computer.

  12. 12
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted July 14, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    I’m pretty entertained by your post right now SB…keep going

  13. 13
    SuburBint
    Posted July 14, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    @ Classy Drunk — I think I am currently a danger to myself and others, comment-wise. It’s raining today and that always makes me super sleepy, and when I’m super sleepy I lose all of my normal faculties and become a rambling, wrong-name using, html-tag-leaving-open-er. Which may be amusing at first, but will end badly.

  14. 14
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted July 14, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    But Em doesn’t like boys so why would Paige be so jealous of her talking to Nate for like five seconds. So jealous that she has to start drinking? Paige that’s reserved for when your girlfriend tells you she found someone else and she’s moving out of your place and in with her. Kids these days are so sensitive.

    How did Aria keep getting back in the kitchen? Don’t most places look down on that? Was there no hair in the cupcakes? Maybe that why the sucked.

    I wonder are little girls watching this and thinking the relationship with Ezra and Aria is cute.

  15. 15
    Lizbot
    Posted July 15, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    @Classy Drunk: Sadly, yes they are. At least my 12 and 14 year old nieces are. They think Ezra is hot and the relationship is ooooh so annoying. Which is only part of the reason I despise that story-line so much.

    I keep saying, Aria’s a teenager, so I kind of expect her to be naive and to think it’s great that her teacher wants to date it. Ezra’s a supposed adult who is so immature and whiny, it doesn’t matter to me how “cute” he ostensibly is. I’m hoping for the character to die a grizzly death by the end of the season. Is that very wrong of me?

  16. 16
    Pillania Pillania
    Posted July 17, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    I fiiiinally got around to watching this episode/reading your hilarious recap.

    When did A&E go public with their relationship? I thought the only people who knew were the other PLLs and Aria’s parents. Suddenly, they’re flaunting it all over town.

    Did the only other restaurant in town burn down? They’re always at this Bronze place now. At least everything (the Bronze, the photog lady’s shop, the cupcake store, the hospital, the church) are conveniently all on the same block.

    The horrible product placement for Katy Perry’s movie (“don’t you want to see the firework sizzle?” or something) made me want to die.

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