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Last week, Wesley and Aria shared a smooch when Wesley decided to test his sexuality. Spencer was still a dick to everyone and attacked Mona by fondling her at a meet, Jason got shafted in an elevator and disappeared and Melissa made a reappearance to scowl and pout. We open with the girls discussing Jason’s disappearance in the coffee shop and why Cece would lie about knowing Det. Douchebag. They must read this recap because Aria finally says out loud that any information the girls get should be relayed to all of them and that they should call the girl in the red coat, Red Coat. Det. Douche stops by to threaten them while Hanna blabs about him taking a boat ride with Ali. He threatens them once more and walks out while the others look at Hanna like she has on white after labor day. There’s always one girl in a group that can’t shut her mouth and she is the one that should always be the last to know or on a need to know basis. Aria arrives home to find Wes has also disappeared along with Mike…who is still fucking missing. #WhereIsMikeAnyway? Still.Not.Home.
Hanna and Ashley are walking around when they see Det. Douche grabbing Cece and putting her into his car. He makes sure to give Hanna a long lasting gaze which Ashley questions her about and Hanna again spills about Det. Douche possibly having an Aria-Ezra type relationship with Ali. Ashley warns her about opening her mouth around town with possibly unfounded rumors. Hanna walks off to meet with Emily who is pissed that she blabbed again but this time to her mom. They devise a plan to find out it Caleb and Paige are withholding information they found out about Mona from them by confronting Paige after school. Spencer is playing dead when Melissa walks in with a cute new haircut to tell her to get her ass out of bed or she’s telling her parents what is going on. I really don’t think they give a shit considering we barely see them even though they both work in the small ass town of Rosewood. Seriously where are all their parents when this shit is going down and why does everyone hate them so much? I really wonder what these girls did to bring on so much wrath and neglect.
Aria walks into Fitz’s apartment and surprise, surprise he’s back in town but more importantly why is she carrying around a fake Damien Hirst x The Row bag? I almost flipped my shit until I realized those weren’t pills because those bags are like 10′s of thousands of dollars and how would she conceivably afford one when her parents couldn’t even afford a furnace at one point and she doesn’t have a job? Anyhow she’s all over his dick about how she missed him, how he should have called her at least once an hour and how she doesn’t understand why he was so distance. He, more gently than I would have, explains that his life was turned upside down and he needed a moment to think outside of her clingy ass. Fitz tells her about Malcolm and how his mom paid off Maggie to be quiet and then confesses that he wants Aria in his life despite his face saying otherwise. He asks about Wes but Aria is too chickenshit to admit that Wes kissed her and agrees to dinner later that night to avoid the subject. That hairstyle is not working for her because it makes her face look super bloaty. Meanwhile, Ella is at school not giving two fucks about her missing son when she walks into her classroom to find Spencer hiding out. They have a heart to heart about people changing and how pathetic Spencer has been lately.