Project Runway All Stars Recap: Up Your Arsehole

Project Runway

By MrsMiaWallace | Tuesday, November 13, 2012 | 12:39 am | 15 Comments
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“You call these All-Stars?”

Hola Gasmii!!!!

Well, I hope you’re enjoying the vblogs Flipit provides and appreciating not having to double down on a MrsMia sense of humor per episode, which is a win win!

Last week was the Disco Infernal, and all that happened is that no one knew what Disco was, which is a blessing because it was awful. Uli won for making a Hooker Pocahontas and Wendy lost because her only talent is bringing in pictures of her daughter for people to draw on.

 “This season’s so full of assholes that I haven’t even gotten screen time yet!”

Oh, and even only knowing about half the cast, I already hate Suede, aka Pleather, aka Blue Velvet. It’s like he hijacked my airwaves and reached directly into the part of my brain that says, “You know what? No.”

On to the show!

Well, two things are different about AllStars: one is that the hotel they’re staying at does not spend as much money and doesn’t get the obligatory opening shot as designers ready themselves for a day of post-Apocalyptic Drag Queen Dumpster Diving (just a guess based on some of the things these people wear), while they discus the last elimination. The second is that NotHeidi actually meets them in a place where the challenge is either explained or unfolds. As in, she is behaving in a useful fashion. Both of these things can be explained by a smaller budget and shorter show, and I say Brava!

Well, a small budget has it’s drawbacks

NotHeidi shows up in a dress I have seen a million times on “Who wore it best!?!” about six months ago. I forget what designer it’s by, but the dress looks like it fell out of the Z Gallery/RHOC ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. I don’ think it is, but this abomination would only make sense if it is something by Marchesa that Weinstein shoves down every hungry young actress’ throat, or it’s a walking Dorian Grey print because why else would someone encase themselves in this? In any length, way and style? Also it’s (regrettably) a red carpet dress, but Miss Constant Dress-Up has to have it on at 10am in a back alley. I forgive her only if she’s just stumbling home.

“I only stumble over my chin”

So the challenge is to somehow collaborate with three street artists (read: criminals), and create a spray-paint design that they then use for a “wearable art” look. Pancake Face is already upset, for the funniest reason ever. She is too fancy to be around spray paint. Is that ironic? I’ve been bad at this since a bug in your white wine was just deemed to be bad luck.

 “The truth is, if I add any more flammable materials to my body, the Fire Department is going to shut me down”

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MrsMiaWallace is an east coast girl with a  penchant for travel, libations and great cuisine. She is not known to turn down a mimosa or a martini and finds the transition between the two a good way to mark the passing of time since she can never remember to wear a watch. Her secret love for reality tv and addiction to Bravo have drawn her like a moth to the glittering snark of TVGasm,  where she finds there are others like her... hopefully also nursing Bloody Marys.

15 Comments

  1. 1
    adelefig
    Posted November 13, 2012 at 1:45 am

    Loved your recap! Emilio”Thothas” model was on ANTM! I can’t remember her name but it starts with an “A” (Too lazy to look it up) and she came in third behind blood lover Allison and “winner” Teyona..(future dentu-grip model!)

    I hate Ivy and her true colors are bound to eventually seep out. She embarrassed herself on her season and she is trying desperately to prove she is not a Bi#ch!
    Ms. Pancake face’s voice is like nails on a chalkboard! yeeeoowza!

    I always kinda liked Suede. I didn’t care for his fashion but he was never mean spirited and seemed like a kind soul.

  2. 2
    beebstx
    Posted November 13, 2012 at 5:17 am

    Emilio’s model is named Aminat, and she rocks. She looked awesome in those colors. The trouble with All-Stars is that I can’t separate the characters they are now from what they were in their own seasons. As a result, I still hate Ivy.

  3. 3
    TalldrinkofH2O
    Posted November 13, 2012 at 5:58 am

    I thought that Ivy’s look appeared as though someone had a slip break a strap and slide down. Emilio’s, on the other hand, really had impact. It was the type of outfit that if someone walked in the room, it would be a WOW! moment rather than a what-the-hell-is-she-wearing moment like Ivy’s. ARyan’s would have been good in the make your own fabric challenge (which I guess the aerosol art challenge is a modification of.) His print just wasn’t large enough, sloppy enough to look like graffiti.
    Poor Kane was TRYING to be nice to St. P and let her know to cool it on the I’m-so-rich stories. However, she refused to hear what he was saying.

  4. 4
    Enrique's Mole
    Posted November 13, 2012 at 6:24 am

    Love you, MrsWallace, hated Ivy’s look! Pancake’s (what’s her name again?) dress was whore-endous. I don’t want a cooch peak on the runway.

    Mushmouth did a wonderful job and deserved the win. Can’t believe the judges and the lumberjacks got it right!

  5. 5
    timgunnssister timgunnssister
    Posted November 13, 2012 at 8:23 am

    Jersey Chore and Pancake were BFF’s on their season but don’t appear to even be speaking on All Stars.

    And I still hate calling them All Stars and the constant insistence by all that these are the most talented designers EVER. EVER I say, damnit. EVER!

    Most of these didn’t make it to the Fashion Week show in their season and NONE of them won so what’s up with all the ‘best ever’? I thought the last bunch of All Stars were the best ever. Or does that not mean what I think it means?

  6. 6
    juddfan juddfan
    Posted November 13, 2012 at 10:58 am

    Have to give it up to Emilioth . . . loved it! Considering how bad it was, in the end, Pleather’s didn’t look as hideous as I thought it would, not that it was good or anything. I hated Kane’s the most, I hate that silhouette, just for starters . . .

    I’m glad Pleather is gone . . . he needs to get some sleep, or maybe even rehab. At least I didn’t hate him as much as some of you are hating Hivy! I really don’t remember her on her season . . . oh well . . . can’t hold onto every useless factoid on reality television!

  7. 7
    NatPatBen
    Posted November 13, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    I laughed out loud at: “I’m only now mastering the spraypaint function in MS Paint.”

    That function IS ridiculously challenging.

  8. 8
    salvadoralexio
    Posted November 13, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    the judges kept talking about “pie-ets” in reference to the polka dots on suede’s dress, is a pie-et a tiny pie? why aren’t they polka dots?

  9. 9
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted November 13, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    @thTalldrink: Good eye realizing this was very similar to the make-your-own-fabric challenge. Unfortunately spray paint and a few yards of white fabric were all the “All Stars” budget would allow.

    @adelefig : Yay! It’s not just me that feels that way when the Pancake speaks!

  10. 10
    Riley
    Posted November 13, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    Ivy’s look was really ugly. I don’t know what the judges saw in it.

    A lot of the fabrics and outfits looked pretty nice considering how stiff painted fabric is. Emilioth was smart to go with that texture. I really liked his work. Obviously a lot of effort and thought went into it (of course, he thtill thounds ridiculouth when he exthplains himthelf).

    Pancake annoys the crap out of me. Something about her makes me want to punch her in the face. I think it’s her voice. And her weird-looking eyebrows. And the fact that I could hit her in the face with a baseball bat and her pancake makeup would shield her from any real harm.

  11. 11
    PokeyFace MyPokeyFace
    Posted November 13, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    Yay! A Red Green Sow reference. So few people I know would get that, but you cracked me up with the Harold’s Craft Corner thing!

  12. 12
    Polkdot
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 6:50 am

    That fugly dress non-Heidi wore in the opener is actually by Stella McCartney, from her Spring 2012 collection (another designer whom I can’t bloody stand. Ughhh!)
    It was worn, among other 10 million times, by LeAnn Rimes to ACM Awards in Vegas in March 2012, and by then it was already in its 15th incarnation, at least.
    It is definitely something that would not surprise me had it been from Marchesa’s vaults. That label started out so strong, with soooooo many just absolutely stunning pieces (mostly red carpet ones), but somehow it’s been sliding down the quality/appeal scale the last 2-3 years. I blame the disgusting HarveyW and his getting Georgina preggers. It seems she not only lost interest in designing, but also taste and imagination (I guess waking up every morning next to him would suck anyone’s soul out – excuse me for planting that mental image; puke!). Shame really, because she not only lost her way professionally, but the sparkle she had in her eye, that cute girlish hunger for life is gone too. And it shows it the clothes…..

  13. 13
    timgunnssister timgunnssister
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 7:58 am

    salvador – they were talking about paillettes. These are discs usually of plastic or mylar that resemble big sequins except they generally have an off-set hole. They add color, shine and movement to fabric and are typicaly used on holiday or evening dresses and bags.

    Suedes weren’t really paillettes, to me, because they weren’t shiny/metallic.

  14. 14
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 8:18 am

    “And the fact that I could hit her in the face with a baseball bat and her pancake makeup would shield her from any real harm.”

    It would probably rise up and smother you of its own volition as well.

    But it’s weird because Laura never bothered me in her season. She was like…the spoiled princess barbie wannabe designer who pretty much just sat there and made ugly clothes that Nina didn’t like. When she got aufed, it wasn’t happy or sad, it just was.
    But this season…my God, she’s such an annoying bitchmonster. People are gonna be popping bottles when she finally goes home. I know I will.

    Kane should just be a designer for drag queens. I like him, but he does not need to be dressing the average, everyday woman.
    And I want to take Andre home and put him in my pocket. He is so weird, I love it.
    And I thought his dress was so cute.
    Haha at Laura calling it gross and then ending up in the bottom herself. And haha too for her not really paying attention to Joanna and getting reamed for it, because J definitely mentioned that the hemline was weird.
    Joanna usually just comes in, asks some questions, and hits the bricks. She isn’t nearly as hand-holdy and helpful as Tim and she shouldn’t be, given that these designers are supposed to be all-stars. So if she actually gives a critique, you better listen.

    And I hated Ivy’s outfit. Honestly, I thought it looked tacky and I felt like the skirt made no sense.
    But Emilio’s was great, and yes Aminat is amazing. The only thing is she can’t take a picture to save her life. But her body is so perfect for runway, and she was working his outfit.
    I definitely agreed with the judges about the belt though. Something wider and with more contrast would have definitely pushed it to the next level.

    I want Anthony Ryan’s dress on my body though.

  15. 15
    LAC LAC
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 8:33 am

    Great recap!

    OMG… did Laura overdose on bitch pills on her way to the bitch clinic for her six month appointment with Dr. Bitch? Jaysus, slap a dark wig on her and I am hearing Kenley. And that ain’t good!

    Really liked Emilio’s outfit and I thought it captured the challenge. The belt needs some work, but that it is a minor thing.

    LAC really hated Pleather’s outfit. LAC was sorry to see Pleather go as LAC loves to hear Pleather speak about himself in the third person.

    Someone needs to tell Kane that this is not All Stars Honey Boo Boo – this pageant theme running through his clothes is not good, although the southern fried bitchy pettiness is divine!

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