Project Runway All Stars Recap: Up Your Arsehole

Project Runway

By MrsMiaWallace | Tuesday, November 13, 2012 | 12:39 am | 15 Comments
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Dead Mauth – His design rings the truest to “wearable art” yet, as I’m interpreting it, because it is not something you would buy in a store, but it has a sort of everyday Avant Garde feel to it. Also impressive that he took on tailored separates. Talent seems to inhabit the mumbling cocoon that is Dead Mauth.

Blue Velvet/Pleater – Oh dear. While Andre did peacock to a tee, Blue Velvet just puts out a sad old Peacrock. I don’t know what is the worst part: the glued on polka dots, the Disney Fairy silhouette or the inexplicable 70s sex kitten hair. It’s all equally bad.

Althea – Her dress is a basic racer-back with print. It looks good, but is not a standout and she owns that. Her model is fierce though, and she owns that.

Ivy – When do I hate her? Because it’s not this episode! I love her look, it definitely conveys a high fashion, artsy edge, but is somehow more convertible to street style than Dead Mauth’s. Again separates, which is maybe a sign that it is easier to make a jacket high fashion than a dress, but I could see that blazer with skinny jeans walking down 81st. The downside is the styling and shoes. Uli would have killed this.

Joshua – His dress is OK at best. It mostly looks like Kane’s dress had sex with Lord & Taylor and created a normal silhouette with LSD pattern. Pass!

Josh, Althea, Papa Elsa,  Andre and Uli are safe. Andre hasn’t had much screen time, but he takes the chance to behave like a lovable, simpering idiot on the way out before we get down to business.

“Try the veal, I’ll be here all…. my life if you’ll let me”

Aryan is up first and he gets praise almost all around for his clean design and bold but wearable print. One of the “I’m a Lumberjack and I’m OK” twins did say that as a Taylor Swift-esque silhouette, it may not translate to the art gallery world as intended. Duh, everyone knows you find Taylor Swift drinking dewdrops and combing her hair with moonbeams under toadstools if not joyriding in the back of a ’57 Chevy. Not at a Manhattan art gallery.

At least she has hyperactive souffle/high-fashion hair!

Seeing her standing beside her tall, skinny model, one understands the genesis of St. Pancake’s superior attitude and associated deep insecurity. She is a dumpy, plain girl. And she can spackle herself and wrap herself in Versace, but her figure will be a lifelong struggle (like most!) and her looks are nice, but average. Also, all those hair extensions make it looks like you have no neck. Simplify to reveal the beauty baby!

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MrsMiaWallace is an east coast girl with a  penchant for travel, libations and great cuisine. She is not known to turn down a mimosa or a martini and finds the transition between the two a good way to mark the passing of time since she can never remember to wear a watch. Her secret love for reality tv and addiction to Bravo have drawn her like a moth to the glittering snark of TVGasm,  where she finds there are others like her... hopefully also nursing Bloody Marys.

15 Comments

  1. 1
    adelefig
    Posted November 13, 2012 at 1:45 am

    Loved your recap! Emilio”Thothas” model was on ANTM! I can’t remember her name but it starts with an “A” (Too lazy to look it up) and she came in third behind blood lover Allison and “winner” Teyona..(future dentu-grip model!)

    I hate Ivy and her true colors are bound to eventually seep out. She embarrassed herself on her season and she is trying desperately to prove she is not a Bi#ch!
    Ms. Pancake face’s voice is like nails on a chalkboard! yeeeoowza!

    I always kinda liked Suede. I didn’t care for his fashion but he was never mean spirited and seemed like a kind soul.

  2. 2
    beebstx
    Posted November 13, 2012 at 5:17 am

    Emilio’s model is named Aminat, and she rocks. She looked awesome in those colors. The trouble with All-Stars is that I can’t separate the characters they are now from what they were in their own seasons. As a result, I still hate Ivy.

  3. 3
    TalldrinkofH2O
    Posted November 13, 2012 at 5:58 am

    I thought that Ivy’s look appeared as though someone had a slip break a strap and slide down. Emilio’s, on the other hand, really had impact. It was the type of outfit that if someone walked in the room, it would be a WOW! moment rather than a what-the-hell-is-she-wearing moment like Ivy’s. ARyan’s would have been good in the make your own fabric challenge (which I guess the aerosol art challenge is a modification of.) His print just wasn’t large enough, sloppy enough to look like graffiti.
    Poor Kane was TRYING to be nice to St. P and let her know to cool it on the I’m-so-rich stories. However, she refused to hear what he was saying.

  4. 4
    Enrique's Mole
    Posted November 13, 2012 at 6:24 am

    Love you, MrsWallace, hated Ivy’s look! Pancake’s (what’s her name again?) dress was whore-endous. I don’t want a cooch peak on the runway.

    Mushmouth did a wonderful job and deserved the win. Can’t believe the judges and the lumberjacks got it right!

  5. 5
    timgunnssister timgunnssister
    Posted November 13, 2012 at 8:23 am

    Jersey Chore and Pancake were BFF’s on their season but don’t appear to even be speaking on All Stars.

    And I still hate calling them All Stars and the constant insistence by all that these are the most talented designers EVER. EVER I say, damnit. EVER!

    Most of these didn’t make it to the Fashion Week show in their season and NONE of them won so what’s up with all the ‘best ever’? I thought the last bunch of All Stars were the best ever. Or does that not mean what I think it means?

  6. 6
    juddfan juddfan
    Posted November 13, 2012 at 10:58 am

    Have to give it up to Emilioth . . . loved it! Considering how bad it was, in the end, Pleather’s didn’t look as hideous as I thought it would, not that it was good or anything. I hated Kane’s the most, I hate that silhouette, just for starters . . .

    I’m glad Pleather is gone . . . he needs to get some sleep, or maybe even rehab. At least I didn’t hate him as much as some of you are hating Hivy! I really don’t remember her on her season . . . oh well . . . can’t hold onto every useless factoid on reality television!

  7. 7
    NatPatBen
    Posted November 13, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    I laughed out loud at: “I’m only now mastering the spraypaint function in MS Paint.”

    That function IS ridiculously challenging.

  8. 8
    salvadoralexio
    Posted November 13, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    the judges kept talking about “pie-ets” in reference to the polka dots on suede’s dress, is a pie-et a tiny pie? why aren’t they polka dots?

  9. 9
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted November 13, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    @thTalldrink: Good eye realizing this was very similar to the make-your-own-fabric challenge. Unfortunately spray paint and a few yards of white fabric were all the “All Stars” budget would allow.

    @adelefig : Yay! It’s not just me that feels that way when the Pancake speaks!

  10. 10
    Riley
    Posted November 13, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    Ivy’s look was really ugly. I don’t know what the judges saw in it.

    A lot of the fabrics and outfits looked pretty nice considering how stiff painted fabric is. Emilioth was smart to go with that texture. I really liked his work. Obviously a lot of effort and thought went into it (of course, he thtill thounds ridiculouth when he exthplains himthelf).

    Pancake annoys the crap out of me. Something about her makes me want to punch her in the face. I think it’s her voice. And her weird-looking eyebrows. And the fact that I could hit her in the face with a baseball bat and her pancake makeup would shield her from any real harm.

  11. 11
    PokeyFace MyPokeyFace
    Posted November 13, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    Yay! A Red Green Sow reference. So few people I know would get that, but you cracked me up with the Harold’s Craft Corner thing!

  12. 12
    Polkdot
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 6:50 am

    That fugly dress non-Heidi wore in the opener is actually by Stella McCartney, from her Spring 2012 collection (another designer whom I can’t bloody stand. Ughhh!)
    It was worn, among other 10 million times, by LeAnn Rimes to ACM Awards in Vegas in March 2012, and by then it was already in its 15th incarnation, at least.
    It is definitely something that would not surprise me had it been from Marchesa’s vaults. That label started out so strong, with soooooo many just absolutely stunning pieces (mostly red carpet ones), but somehow it’s been sliding down the quality/appeal scale the last 2-3 years. I blame the disgusting HarveyW and his getting Georgina preggers. It seems she not only lost interest in designing, but also taste and imagination (I guess waking up every morning next to him would suck anyone’s soul out – excuse me for planting that mental image; puke!). Shame really, because she not only lost her way professionally, but the sparkle she had in her eye, that cute girlish hunger for life is gone too. And it shows it the clothes…..

  13. 13
    timgunnssister timgunnssister
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 7:58 am

    salvador – they were talking about paillettes. These are discs usually of plastic or mylar that resemble big sequins except they generally have an off-set hole. They add color, shine and movement to fabric and are typicaly used on holiday or evening dresses and bags.

    Suedes weren’t really paillettes, to me, because they weren’t shiny/metallic.

  14. 14
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 8:18 am

    “And the fact that I could hit her in the face with a baseball bat and her pancake makeup would shield her from any real harm.”

    It would probably rise up and smother you of its own volition as well.

    But it’s weird because Laura never bothered me in her season. She was like…the spoiled princess barbie wannabe designer who pretty much just sat there and made ugly clothes that Nina didn’t like. When she got aufed, it wasn’t happy or sad, it just was.
    But this season…my God, she’s such an annoying bitchmonster. People are gonna be popping bottles when she finally goes home. I know I will.

    Kane should just be a designer for drag queens. I like him, but he does not need to be dressing the average, everyday woman.
    And I want to take Andre home and put him in my pocket. He is so weird, I love it.
    And I thought his dress was so cute.
    Haha at Laura calling it gross and then ending up in the bottom herself. And haha too for her not really paying attention to Joanna and getting reamed for it, because J definitely mentioned that the hemline was weird.
    Joanna usually just comes in, asks some questions, and hits the bricks. She isn’t nearly as hand-holdy and helpful as Tim and she shouldn’t be, given that these designers are supposed to be all-stars. So if she actually gives a critique, you better listen.

    And I hated Ivy’s outfit. Honestly, I thought it looked tacky and I felt like the skirt made no sense.
    But Emilio’s was great, and yes Aminat is amazing. The only thing is she can’t take a picture to save her life. But her body is so perfect for runway, and she was working his outfit.
    I definitely agreed with the judges about the belt though. Something wider and with more contrast would have definitely pushed it to the next level.

    I want Anthony Ryan’s dress on my body though.

  15. 15
    LAC LAC
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 8:33 am

    Great recap!

    OMG… did Laura overdose on bitch pills on her way to the bitch clinic for her six month appointment with Dr. Bitch? Jaysus, slap a dark wig on her and I am hearing Kenley. And that ain’t good!

    Really liked Emilio’s outfit and I thought it captured the challenge. The belt needs some work, but that it is a minor thing.

    LAC really hated Pleather’s outfit. LAC was sorry to see Pleather go as LAC loves to hear Pleather speak about himself in the third person.

    Someone needs to tell Kane that this is not All Stars Honey Boo Boo – this pageant theme running through his clothes is not good, although the southern fried bitchy pettiness is divine!

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