Welcome Gasmii! We are on to the second episode of Project Runway! Last week we had Christopher the Meek rightfully win for a kick-ass gown and Beatrice the non-sewer expelled for making sweatpants shirtdresses. Also Fat Morpheus came in second for constructing a complicated and beautiful rose-inspired blouse but then pairing it with a pant suit that gave his model a brand new eating disorder when she watched the runway.
Beauty is a beast
On to the episode! The intro seems awfully talky this year. We have each contestant putting out the traditional snippy soundbyte and Heidi, Tim and the judges talking too. If this is how they are “keeping it fresh”, fine by me. Tyra has taught us already how to ruin a show trying to be innovative.
Sparkle Snaps still better than Tookie De La Creme
This week we have a favorite among challenges – the non-traditional materials challenge and it’s candy! Something like this always means one thing- lots of whining about running out of time in the workroom and some tense footage of designers swearing they aren’t going to finish. Correct me if I’m wrong but have we ever seen someone truly NOT finish? Maybe a little glued together or a ragged hem, but to have a model walk out without clothes? Nice try editors, ten years later we are not falling for it. The designers are up and at ‘em in the Atlas apartment and discussing the previous challenge results. Fat Morpheus privately interviews that he should’ve won over Christopher. Ego alert, Aisle Blubber.
Lanti is rattled from being so close to the bottom and not starting this challenge very confidently. A lot of the designers say they didn’t want Beatrice to leave but then considering her talent…
No love lost
Heidi brings them out to earn her paycheck. She reiterates that Christopher as the winner has immunity this go-round and as this has been the format for every show for ten years this should surprise no one.
Except people practicing exaggerated expressions for more camera time
When she says that it’s a “sweet location” everyone figures it’s a candy challenge and I swear Dmitry says “teats and sweets are not for me”. I rewound it many times. And you know what? He’s right.
Definitely more of a Chip and Nips kind of guy
We have the product placement of the day in the form of Dylan’s Candy Bar. Apparently Ralph Lauren’s daughter went on to open a candy store… I guess growing up around anorexia made her want to give back. It’s not just any sloppy old sugar mill though, it’s a high-end candy experience of course and they each can spend $500.
“That is one twizzler and six jelly beans each in a rhinestone bag, enjoy!”
The designers go bananas-adorable, grabbing candy and filling their goody bags. It is the grownup version of finding a golden ticket and I love it. Since it’s such a fancy boutique tooth decay emporium there are also shirts and umbrellas and non-candy items there that a few designers gravitate toward. Lantei looks like she is going for wallpaper, Christopher is eying some pillows and Grandma Moses starts picking out T-shirts. This is looked down on by the purists who realize the challenge is about transforming materials and creativity. We can surely expect an all-candy creation from the Afrasians of the world.
Picking out souvenirs for the grandkids
Christopher asks the clerk how much a chocolate boyfriend is. And here I felt bad about biting the faces off rabbits every year. Gasmi, I have this sneaking slinking little suspicion that Christopher is a very similar animal to Skunk but has: 1)more self-awareness 2) a better edit. He clearly also thinks he is adorable and witty. Judgement suspended until further proof.
I feel like $500 should buy truckloads of candy
Back to the workroom Fabio is sketching by hand (J’adore) and also smashing rock candy for a Jackie O look, which sounds ambitious and cool. To counteract this we see lots of people “sketching” on their HP Tablets. Don’t worry sponsors!
We are also treated to a lot of heavy-handed juxtaposed good twin/bad twin shots of Skunk and Chris. Skunk is convinced that Chris is threatened by him and Chris is convinced that Skunk is a giant bitch.
One of you is right
Chris comes out and calls himself the nice twin which doesn’t sit well with me. I recap so I tell you who you are and you pretend to be modest about it, m’kay? We have Sonjia playing around with some cool-looking jelly sharks, the Dreads is building dirt-inspired coveralls. Even though Buffi was the most vocal in the store about not relying on fabrics, she is using a brightly striped umbrella as her skirt. Which seems actually worse than gluing candy to muslin or T-shirt material to me. She approaches this task with all the thoughtful tact we have come to expect from her and screeches while flailing a hammer to separate the metal spokes from the umbrella fabric.
Good sound-proofing makes good neighbors
All the designers just love this. Blorpheus finds Buffi tres gauche in both her designs and her workroom etiquette. Lantie has a headache from the banging and a heartache from self-doubt. The rest of the room privately snarks about her design as well. Grandma Moses channels the good old days of her youth when soda jerks wore white aprons and blacks had to drink from separate water fountains and basically envisions a candy-button bedecked apron dress. The only two who seem to truly be making a candy outfit and not using a material as a base are Tara Reid and Afrasian. They are both relying heavily on Twizzlers and licorice as ‘material’. Afrasian envisions a “sweater” dress that has a Spongebob face and Tara has an S&M licorice bodice.
Sinful and sticky
Tim comes through to make everyone panic and tells Fabio that building a 50lb dress will kill his model and Dmitry’s plan to not attach the candy until the models arrive is dumb. Afrasian is heading into starting over territory as his vision is not coming together, but once again Tim has no clue how to advise this walking cartoon. I think he probably wakes up in a cold sweat at the thought of fashion by Afrasian.
Tim advises Elena keep working but questions why she would choose all beige materials from a candy store? I question how Tim found her in the workroom.
Ninja designer is not immune to criticism
Tim’s worst review is reserved for Grandma Moses. Who looks to be decorating a white apron. I did that for my mom in first grade for Mother’s Day! I used Puff Paint though so I would’ve been disqualified. She had been fully confident that this was a winning look and she is so devastated by his description (“It’s a throwaway” ouchhh), that she can’t even finish her interview and has a sweet old lady melt-down.
Somebody get the Werther’s Original, STAT
Time is, of course, running short but everyone actually seems on track. Even Grandma Meltdown who is trying to work in some of Tim’s criticism. When the models come most of the designers don’t really have anything for them to do yet as they furiously glue. Skunk is one who is ahead of schedule and trips around the room to check all the designs and surprisingly, give them all rave reviews. Chris is stumped by this side of Skunk and feels there is another shoe somewhere that is about to feel the effects of gravity.
Look up bipolar in the dictionary. You won’t see this picture, but you will get a definition of bipolar, which he fucking is.
Blorpheus assesses himself and Sonjia has the head contenders, we don’t really see his piece yet, but her top is looking amazing. The little jelly sharks are all swimming around the neckline fantastically. Grandma Moses realizes she doesn’t actually have any better ideas than overly romanticizing a past that would not have been fun for most of the people in the room, and reverts back to Victorian Apron that Tim did not think would work.
Lantie has basically given up whatever she was trying and is also starting over. She admits she won’t be using a lot of candy. She seems completely checked out. Maybe it was the umbrella hammer session that broke her. Elena then has An Accident. She is using a glue gun and wearing hoochie shorts (according to Chris, lol) and burns her thigh and hand? Anyway she cries and whines and starts setting up the storyline for why her beige pina colada POS will lose only because her ability to design is now compromised. If I sound unsympathetic, it’s only because I am. I have a healing 3rd degree burn that I didn’t tell anyone about, went into shock, then convinced everyone we should keep driving ATVs up a mountain and go zip-lining all day. At no point did I cry. I tell you this expressly because I am not a badass, the thought of a papercut makes me slightly nauseous.
Drama queens, however, make me angry
The next day Elena says she feels as though she was hit by a bus. Which only tells me she has never been hit by a bus, and has very little imagination. They all return to the workroom to find that all the people using cotton candy now have gross shrunken hard little patties to work with. Panic time for Buffi and Afrasian! Hair and makeup and now I know why Flipit always skipped this part. Dull-town, population L’Oreal.
Although they could give this one a scrubbing…
Also I will take now to point out that doesn’t Buffi’s shirt seems the same as the one she designed last week? Which is also the same as one we saw in her intro portfolio. What a spectrum of talent!
Runway time! Dylan Lauren is the guest judge of course, although it is not clear whether she will be judging from a candy perspective or fashion. If only they had to make dresses out of trust funds.
Heidi goes ahead and loses the Runway challenge to take the pressure off.
Looks like its snake molting season again
Skunk – his look is actually pretty lovely, the “fabric” does actually move a little and the peplum skirt is on trend and well executed. He of course, feels this is something everyone is now jealous of.
Sonjia – Her dress is adorable. It is hard to show the detail in a full-length shot, but it is all working. The hat is a little cutesy though. She mentions that it was worth all the glue-gun burns. A normal reaction to a minor injury, amazing!
Tara – her look is boxy but the detailing and use of licorice really is pretty great.
Urkel- His look is kind of candy beer wench/futuristic Marie Antoinette, but definitely on the interesting side of mediocre. Also the skirt weighs 20lbs so he’s mostly just praying his model doesn’t faint like Miss America on the runway.
Grandma Moses – We have the Victorian Apron worn over the Chiquita Banana lady’s costume. She could not be more pleased of course.