Project Runway Recap: One Way Monkey

Recaps

By MrsMiaWallace | Monday, August 20, 2012 | 6:00 am | 27 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Project Runway, Recaps

Heidi does have a problem with the Skunk’s braless wonder. She calls the outfit “inappropriate”, repeats her soufflé line and basically says the look has too many floppy tits. Kors piles on and I am dying on the inside for this model. She should have worn a bra and could have with that design but it must be awful to have the critique move from the garment, which is nothing to do with you, to your body.

Hope the exposure was worth being called Jumble Tits on national TV!

Now Kors starts agreeing with Elena by saying the fabric is really the aging factor at play. Silk Chiffon is for old broads and Michael Kors would know! The judges ask each designer to pick the team’s weakest link and Unibrow proves no one on the panel has a brain cell by saying that he refuses to throw anyone under the bus and so chooses what he considers the strongest look so his opinion cannot be considered. I guess it’s convoluted but I got it on the first try whereas Heidi accuses him of making his choice in order to eliminate the strongest competition. He explains again and I’m not sure Heidi ever understands, she just dismisses him by calling him silly and moves along.

What I find silly is that this is the guy whose personal style they love

Christopher, Blorpheus and Urkel all agree with Heidi’s opinion that Skunk had the worst design. Skunk defends(?) by saying his look might be the weakest of the group but that at least it is his design and not Liz Taylor’s.

Team Sux! Dreads keeps her vocal chords from rusting shut by telling the judges how they shared the pieces to play to the unique strengths of the designers. Nina highly praises the pants, and how there are wide legged pants, straight pants and she appreciates pants and pants. Kors gives up some pants credit but says the ruffle top Squiggy insisted on was a problem. Heidi and Nina agree. Dmitry and Tara get the most praise. His neckline is a positive but Joanna points out that more conservative professions would not allow the back flesh on display, on display, on display.

Heidi and Joanna are split on Elena’s piece. While Joanna feels it is more passable in a buttoned-up office, Heidi remarks she would be afraid if her lawyer showed up dressed as a linebacker. I think maybe Seal would be afraid too, so think about it? Sonjia, Tara, Elena and Dreads finger Squiggy as the weakest link. Squiggy is just grateful to be fingered. Elena drives the knife in by saying Squiggy doesn’t even know how to put darts into fabric. Squiggy singles out Elena as a smart bid to mention the only other criticized look and also gets his personal dislike of her out in the open. Dmitry speaks up to also choose Elena and his reason is her lack of “work ethic”. I think he means she is a shitty team player but either way, she is not going to take it well!

“In Ukraine I rescued five work ethics from a burning shtetl”

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MrsMiaWallace is an east coast girl with a  penchant for travel, libations and great cuisine. She is not known to turn down a mimosa or a martini and finds the transition between the two a good way to mark the passing of time since she can never remember to wear a watch. Her secret love for reality tv and addiction to Bravo have drawn her like a moth to the glittering snark of TVGasm,  where she finds there are others like her... hopefully also nursing Bloody Marys.

27 Comments

  1. 1
    Enrique's Mole
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 7:49 am

    What did Squiggy say to Ven at the end? I didn’t get that he was dissing him, but then I don’t speak Squiggy.

  2. 2
    Enrique's Mole
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 7:50 am

    Oh yes, no way in hell could I wear Dmitry’s dress to the office. Sorry, fat bitch Heidi.

  3. 3
    timgunnssister timgunnssister
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 8:12 am

    I loved Dmitrys dress, but it’s NOT office ready. I also loved TaraReidsSister’s dress but also agree that after about an hour I’d be takin’ a pair of scissors to that neckline.

    Gunnar’s wasn’t all that bad and yes, the model should have worn a bra. However, if she was wearing one and was still all squirmy, either she needs a new bra or the top was really that badly cut. Can’t tell for sure.

    Ven’s skirt looked like an anatomy lesson. You’d think someone who uses that much silk chiffon could make it fit right.

    Squiggy. UGH.

    Elena. Bitch, please shut up. Perhaps she should share a bit of her too much personality with Alicia, who appears to have none at all. I absolutely could not work around, much less with, someone as volatile as Elena. I have this image of her on the floor with ( 11 – no 10?) pairs of scissors protruding from her back and everyone feigning innocence. She could even push brother Tim too far.

    Dmitry – I love him more and more each day. Him and his little one way monkey.

  4. 4
    niknakflipflop niknakflipflop
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 8:29 am

    Super hilarious recap! I could read an entire book of your Elena one-liners and snarks! They make my week:)

  5. 5
    lestermaddox
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 8:40 am

    What is with all the funky, exposed zippers? I do not like them at all, and can you imagine sitting on that thing at the office all day? Talk about uncomfortable. There was not a single outfit that came down the runway that would work in any office outside of New York fashion and even then most of them would be iffy. Everything was drapy, bunchy fabric, one shouldered, sleeveless, short, tight, or big shouldered. Most (real) offices run to the consertative and most (real) people dress more for comfort than style – which includes sleeves and jackets because most office buildings are cold.

    I get that what comes down the runway is often remodeled for sale; that runway is for impact, but honestly, the challenge was to design office wear – not runway looks. I really wish the producers would allow more time for challenges. In previous seasons there were a lot of two-day challenges which allowed for better made garments. I don’t mind a day challenge or two along the way, but the end product would be better with a bit more time allowed.

  6. 6
    lindaw205
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 8:53 am

    One way monkey – Dmitry has officially moved to the top of the class!

    Buh bye Squiggy

  7. 7
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 9:10 am

    Thank you for pointing out how terrible Blorpheus skirt was! When I saw that come down the runway, my first thought was, “How the hell do you get camel toe from a skirt?”

    I also agree 100% that Dmitry’s (ha! One way monkey) dress was not office appropriate at all – at least not in most professions.

    I think Blorpheus, Leanne, and Rami should get together and create a line. It would be draped, pleated, and petaled. They can invite in Kenley for their special retro-50s-inspired line.

    I don’t think Skunk’s look was too terrible. With a few tweaks, it could work in an office (at least in the summer time). I honestly thought that Unibrow’s dress was boring as hell. I have a dress very similar to that hanging in my closet. You can find that in a million stores.

    Great job as always, MrsMia! I have to work very hard at work to keep from laughing in my office.

  8. 8
    mere2142
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 9:41 am

    Who the hell is Nathan/Urkel? Has he gotten any airtime in the previous episodes? I do not remember him in the least. At one point I actually thought they brought someone in who didn’t make the original cut to replace the defectors. Wow i need to pay more attention.

    I totally love Dmitry for his dry Soviet humor and directness. He cracks me up.

  9. 9
    sig
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 10:03 am

    It’s been a biscuit kind of week.

  10. 10
    Wendy
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 10:21 am

    Dmitry’s dress could be work appropriate if it weren’t for the cutouts. Honestly, his dress would have been perfect for the previous week’s challenge (day look to night look). It would just need a jacket for the day; take off the jacket, and you instantly have your night look.

  11. 11
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 10:34 am

    Did anyone else note that Gunnar holds his pen/pencil like an impaired two year-old?

    And it’s funny to me that being on the winning team did note mean you were safe. Rules on this show are very…fluid.

  12. 12
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 10:43 am

    Also, One Way Monkey will become a new household phrase.

  13. 13
    LAC LAC
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 11:29 am

    Loving the Dimitry – I like his clothes and his very dry wit. One way monkey indeed! LOL!!

    Elena, jaysus – pit bull with scissors. She must have come out of the womb angry. I would love to see her paired with Blorpheous for a challenge. Whatever comes down the aisle will be padded and pleated and covered in blood. Nina will like it. :)

    Keep up the good work, MisMia!!

  14. 14
    Andyourlittledogtoo
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Elena – both her attitude and her styling – reminds me of that old commercial with the Soviet fashion show. The ones where the women wear these grey/black/brown clothes that are shapeless and identical but are identified by type by their accessories such as holding a beach ball? ‘In Soviet Russia skirt wear you!’ That’s Elena.

    I keep wanting to call Dmitri my little ‘one way monkey’ but of course that would not be him, just his phrase to describe someone else’s one-notedness. It’s a quandary. I shall have to resist. But I now have a shiny new insult in my lexicon. Thanks Dmitri! :)

  15. 15
    LAC LAC
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CaMUfxVJVQ

    andyourlittledogtoo – you made me do it!

    SVIMVEAR!!!

  16. 16
    Andyourlittledogtoo
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    LOL Thanks for finding that. I couldn’t remember who the sponsor was. Blue! The dresses were blue! How chic! Eveningwear! (flashlight) Swimwear! (beach ball).

    Yep, that’s our Elena to a tee. :)

  17. 17
    tvsnarkeling
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    Yes, I did see Gunnar hold his pencil and thought what else does he hold so oddly??

    The crotch shot of Blorp’ skirt was great. I noticed it but did not get the full deals of the camel toe skirt. Thanks for the scene shot.

    Someone please tell SQuiggly that big busted women do not like ruffles because it draws too much attention.

    Is it me or are they cutting the time design time down too much? I remember early seasons they had a day and 1/2. Now the show is 1 1/2 hours long but they only get one day to make the dress without flaws. They have less than a day for a dress and they the judges bitch about the poor quality.

  18. 18
    littlealbert
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    RE: Why did Gunnar’s dress deserve to be in the bottom two?
    I would like to present Exhibit A. Unless the model has a large, squared-off, lumpy birthmark dead center in her back, I believe she is wearing a bra. The slightly racer-back design, combined with low-cut armholes, would make it impossible for her to wear a truly supportive bra. Finally, wasn’t this dress also made of chiffon? If so, the fabric itself would emphasize every little bounce and twitch. And on top of all this evidence, Gunnar is an annoying little twit and fully deserves the PR death sentence. :p

    http://www.mylifetime.com/shows/project-runway/season-10/rate-the-runway/episode-5#rate

    Your honors, I rest my case

  19. 19
    littlealbert
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    Pardon the glitch. The photo in question is #9, the back view.

  20. 20
    Val Detinha
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    littlealbert, I couldn’t see a bra, but the skirt is bad too. Looks like the model has a peen! :D

    Now, what about FreeganUni? The judges liked his turban, so he decided to give one to his model? Next week he’ll hang his model with those awful ropes?

  21. 21
    Jayagain
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    Almost lost in all the hilarity about the one-way monkey (and I’m not denying it was hilarious – Dmitry is, indeed, a glorious bastard for that one) was MrsMia’s offhand remark about Blorph burbling Vogon poetry!
    Thank you for the FABULOUS recap!

  22. 22
    MrsMiaWallace MrsMiaWallace
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 7:54 pm

    @Enrique’s Mole – It was really brief but when Squiggy came into the room he said something like “some of you I liked and some of you…” and Blorpheus threw his hands up and laughed and it was kind of a good-natured back and forth about not being each other’s biggest fans. Quickly eclipsed by the Elena hate outburst.

    @LAC and yourlittledogtoo – LOL! That is precisely what Elena makes me channel.

    @Lestermaddox – I think exposed zippers were supposed to be one of the unifying themes for that team. I used to hate them but its such a trend I’m slowly coming around. I am from the south where hiding zippers and buttons and wearing pantyhose was touted as stylish and classy. Now I’m a big city girl and have been guilty of everything I was raised to believe was tacky!

    @niknakflipflop – thank you! That would be one of those insane niche books you would find in a trendy random boutique in Brooklyn and wonder how the hell it ever went to press. And then you would have to buy it. I nominate Flipit as the author and I will guest contribute ;) .

  23. 23
    Memememe
    Posted August 21, 2012 at 7:54 am

    Thanks for the great recap! I don’t know why Lifetime doesn’t pay you guys to write these. They cast the show with such thoroughly unlikeable people that reading snarky recaps improves it 1000%.

    And this year on Project Runaway Runway, the people they cast couldn’t even hack it — much less make the viewers root for them.

  24. 24
    chicagoslut
    Posted August 21, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    I loved this recap! Thank you Mrs Mia Wallace. I feel we are kindred spirits. I too once mistook a line of heroin as cocaine. But that was another life.
    This show drives me crazy! I design and make clothes for normal women (size 8 to 28 and beyond). On the off chance I design something for a tiny person they are teenagers and want an original dress for a school dance. The smaller sizes are easier but I’m so used to big girls and I lose confidence and wonder how a 25 inch waist line is ever going to fit. When it does I fantasize about creative ways to slip sugar on their carrots to make the occupant fat.

    When I watch this show I wonder how well I would do with the amount of time they are given and the answer is horribly. It takes me 4 hours from drafting the pattern to the finished product to make a simple skirt. SIMPLE skirt. But to my defense I am a perfectionist and I like to make sure the thing fits.

    The judges sometimes ignore the poor execution and sometimes don’t. It’s never consistent. They also ignore the parameters of the challenge quite a bit as in this last challenge. I can see Tara’s dress in an office on Dynasty, Moonlighting, Heart to Heart or any other 80′s show but not now. It was a great cocktail dress and would probably retail well above $500. Who wears such an expensive dress to work? Not me. I would save it for NYE or some charity event.

    I agree that Dimitry’s dress was inappropriate for the office but if he covered up the zipper, added a jacket and filled in the cut-outs it might work. As for who I think should have won. Maybe Chris because he made a suit. The skirt was too fuzzy though.
    All the garments sucked for work.

    As for Elena, as much as I didn’t like Squiggy and his incessant whining, I loved that he called her out. She is such and A$$hole. It makes me believe she spent time in a brothel and had to fight her way out. But I doubt it. Maybe she waited in one too many breadlines—wait that was Russia, right? I see her designs as well as Tara’s designs as what to wear for Armageddon. Elena designs for the army and Tara designs for the pheasants.

    I’m a new commenter and hope to comment more especially on next week’s challenge.

  25. 25
    TalldrinkofH2O
    Posted August 21, 2012 at 6:16 pm

    My husband’s mother (she had long passed on before I met him) had a dress factory in NYC (with her husband) and was a wedding dress/formal wear designer. She also did custom fabrications for some of the celebrities of the day.
    My husband claims that she could eyeball a person, never take measurements and make a complete suit for the person in about 2 hours, and it would fit perfectly.
    To be more detailed, she was a “sloper” – someone who could “slope” the sample sizes up and down as needed for the various sizes to be produced, so she obviously had some mad skills when it came to design and construction.
    I think that PR is looking for someone like her. If you look at perhaps the most successful of the PR winners, Christian Siriano, he sewed extremely fast and had good skills. That’s probably really what it takes to be successful in the business of the BIG business of fashion design vs. smaller scale operations.

  26. 26
    juddfan
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    Just got back from Vaca, but I was delighted I got to watch this epi on the plane, Jet Blue, I love you!!!

    I’m actually glad Elena is here . . . I’m afraid there wouldn’t be nearly as much to comment on if she was gone. I still like her Mad Max style too, and I pretty much agreed with her opinions on the photo shoot. she’s got some skills. I’d see her, Dimitri, Tara, Sonji and Blorph in the top group. Maybe Christopher could knock one out . . . too many shoulders, or pleats could ruin it for one of them. I do wish Elena could tone it down, and be more professional in her personal manner, but at least she, for the most part, knows what she’s talking about. I’m sure a little sexy times would go a long way in calming her, I tend to get a bit “pent up” when it’s been a long, long, long time . . . sigh . . .

    Anyway, great cap! I didn’t think Skunks was that bad. I thought that the black dress with the white shoulder was just okay, and not worth singling out. I hated the floral fabric. Once again, Blorph and the flowers . . . Dimitri nailed that one!!! It was refreshing to hear him say what I thought about it being old!

  27. 27
    juddfan
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    And, are they really making so little on this show they can’t dress Heidi anymore, and they can’t give them more than one day for anything! I’d really rather see them do their best and tear it up, rather than slap dash work, esp since anyone can go for any reason any week. Would even the odds, I think!

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