Project Runway Recap: Rocking the Blight Away

Project Runway

By MrsMiaWallace | Tuesday, September 25, 2012 | 8:39 am | 31 Comments

Getting a kick out of the Big Apple

Hola Gasmii!

Last week we lost a smelly little rodent and by God, he had all but redeemed himself by the time he left. Isn’t that always the way? The answer is no, it isn’t, as this week will prove!

Tim said something that was cringe-worthy, and still somehow managed to be classy, about used tampons and maxi pads that reminded me of a joke about a lesbian vampire making tea that makes me gag a little every time. You’re welcome for that!

Dmitry won for an amazing and gravity-defying separates ensemble and Blorpheus FINALLY was taken to task for making the same goddamn thing every single time.

I will call you flower if I want to

A few of you expressed sympathy for Blorpheus and how hurt he was at the rare criticism, but my heart is colder and blacker than yours and his acknowledgement of the critique was basically, “well, if they want me to compromise the quality of my work, I can”. Way to learn and grow!

Not unless it’s horizontally

On to this week!

At Atlas everyone is realizing that not having their gay firefly mascot flitting around makes for a quiet and somber house. Unibrow admits to sleeping in Skunk’s bed, but that is hardly indicative of any true feelings of loss since Unibrow’s usual spot is curled up in a sock drawer. The boys consolidate rooms and Chris consolidates his personality, proving he has fully absorbed his in-utero twin to get all the bitch aspects we need for ratings. He and Blorpheus whine about how they are awesome and talented and should never be found at the bottom. They both seem like bottoms to me!

“Is someone going to help me with my purse??”

The girls are playing a whole different game and Sonjia is trying to do math on who has won what, while Elena burns her hair off. Watching Elena’s beauty routine is making me wince a little. She is a naturally lovely girl and has great genes as we learned from seeing her mother; but the pancake makeup, tarantula false eyelashes and over-processed hair are not doing her any favors.

“I think I just solved the Da Vinci code!”

They skip the fake Heidi hellos, and head straight to Radio City Music Hall to meet Tim Gunn and a bunch of USO hookers found in a time capsule under the Subway. They do their best impression of the 3rd Reich and everyone pretends to be excited by this development.

Perfect unison is something I greatly admire in both a fascist regime and a vagina

Then Herr Heidi comes out in her own dancer uniform and we will not be spared her uselessness after all. She looks great to me and does a little kick routine, holding her own at least for a mini-routine.

Much easier to hold one’s own when you’ve been choreographed around

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MrsMiaWallace is an east coast girl with a  penchant for travel, libations and great cuisine. She is not known to turn down a mimosa or a martini and finds the transition between the two a good way to mark the passing of time since she can never remember to wear a watch. Her secret love for reality tv and addiction to Bravo have drawn her like a moth to the glittering snark of TVGasm,  where she finds there are others like her... hopefully also nursing Bloody Marys.

31 Comments

  1. 1
    caligal
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 9:14 am

    Blorph needed to go. When the judges asked why he didn’t make the costume more fitted, he blamed the model for not having a waist! Hello! If she doesn’t have a waist, then you design something that makes her appear to have a waist. Idiot.

    Ah Dmitry, whispering to his model, carefully sewing….swoon!

  2. 2
    Detinha
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 10:45 am

    MMW, I’m still on first page and can’t stop laughing! :D These recaps are better than watching the shows! T

  3. 3
    Detinha
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 10:46 am

    MMW, I’m still on first page and can’t stop laughing! :D These recaps are better than watching the shows! Thanks!!

  4. 4
    juddfan
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 11:04 am

    I’m thankful to all the petite flowers in the universe for the results this week. Blorph can do nothing else . . . that had 0 style, the thick bra straps, the small, invisible, crooked triangle cut away. He un-pealed a loofah and wrapped it around a dish cloth!

    I was worried for Eleana the whole time, she was getting so much camera time.

    Someone on the Tlo site said Christopher should have used a dark mesh for the bodice, and I so agreed! Also, the lack of movement was weak!

  5. 5
    Detinha
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 11:38 am

    A quote unquote (ha!) guest recapper? “That concerns me
    ..” like Tim would say..

    Have a great trip, MMW!

  6. 6
    timgunnssister timgunnssister
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    Have a great second 74th birthday, Mrs.Mia! Loved the Grey Gardens reference.

    Blorph needed to go. He was proof that you can be well trained yet still turn out blah designs. He is the April of this season with less crying. And less hair. One way monkey indeed.

    Loving Dmitry more with each episode. Either he’s straight or just has a true appreciation of the female form. I’m voting for straight because my fantasy life insists.

    Sonjia, Elena and Melissa aren’t making womanhood look too good. The tears, the indecision, the lack of confidence, the acne – please. If I wanted to go through all that again I’d just go back to Junior High.

    I must say, I would have liked to see Blorph taking care of a baby, albeit a mechanical one. Flower shaped diaper, anyone?

  7. 7
    Chris Velazquez
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    It’s looking like it may, just may finally be a decent final 3 for this season, so here’s hoping. Blorpheus’s ouster could not have come any sooner… but it would’ve been appreciated if it had.

    MrsMiaWallace, you gonna be in Puerto Rico? Cool, hope you enjoy it! If by any bizarre chance you stop by my humble little bar in the mountain/countryside in the town of Cayey, you have a free drink waiting for you.

  8. 8
    itchy itchy
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    So one day Sonija was eating breakfast and talking with her boyfriend: “Well, yes, I am pretty in a kind of boringly acceptable way, but that’s not going to cut it on Project Runway. I need a… a… thing. Something to set me apart from the others… hmmm… what could it be, what could it be…. hmmm…. Honey, could you pass the syrup?”

  9. 9
    Pawesl
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    Christopher idea was nice but the execution was weak. the skirt needed more movement and he should have done a night skyline of new york with dark blue mesh.

    Dmitri was robbed again.

  10. 10
    Miss Molly
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    Every time I see Sonjia in her turban and sunglasses I get a real Norma Desmond vibe. All she needs is one of those finger cigarette holders.
    Dmitry was robbed and I blame Messing.

  11. 11
    NotaNJHousewife
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    Anyone catch that PR All Stars Season 2 promo? What is that about?

    I don’t know if Dmitry is straight or not, but the straight guys on PR usually make a point of proclaiming their straightness. And he hasn’t said anything.

  12. 12
    Jason
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    I actually liked Blorph’s dress. The only reason they kept Elena was because she provides drama whereas Blorph is like a big bump on an even bigger log.

  13. 13
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted September 25, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    Anybody that wants 1 can get a Blorph’s Rockette dancing suit at the walmart. In the nightgown dept. Not made out of the exact same material. But you have to get right up on it to tell.

    I know this makes 3 times I’ve confessed to seeing stuff on a reality show hanging in an actual walmart. But I respect Tvgasm and @MrsMiaWallace too much to lie. Even though I’m going to have Fiddler On The Roof earworms all day now.

    I’m glad Blorph finally went. But I wish they would’ve had the artificial baby challenge 1st. Just to see how fast he’d bust his.

  14. 14
    NotaNJHousewife
    Posted September 26, 2012 at 12:05 am

    How great is it that one of the tags on the mini cap is ‘Old French Whore’?

  15. 15
    mirabelle gingerbread
    Posted September 26, 2012 at 1:21 am

    I’ll be the first to volunteer to have dimitry judge us in a blowjob contest. but I have a feeling we’d all win. I know I’d feel like a winner. it’d be a prize enough to have him screaming “auf wiedershein, oh, you’ve been auf’ed!”

    I love elena & her outfit was not that bad at all. the concept that would have been perfect for this challenge, in my opinion, would have been something with a sparkle gradient. a simple ballerina-practice sillouhuette with the two colors diagonally placed so they meet in the middle – I’d choose pink & green myself since they’re pretty awesome together – that way it would be bold & sparkly but simple at the same time. that was elena’s issue, too many details all clumped together in one place. but I don’t think that the ultra-harsh criticism was deserved at all. it was WAY better than blobbeussus’! chris is a cutie pie & he deserved the win although my heart did break a little for my dear pretend boyfriend. he is wunderbar & I want him to win every challenge here on out. elena is at the top of my list, too, but I have a feeling that she won’t last too much longer, she simply isn’t as talented as chris & dimitry are, but it would be fan-friggin’-tastic if they were the final three. unibrow who?

    ‘Have you seen most of the plus-size sections out there? It’s horrifying. Whoever’s designing for plus-size doesn’t get it. The entire garment needs to be reconceived. You can’t just take a size 8 and make it larger. In my travels, I’ve been an advocate for larger women. I’ve been talking to designers, but only a half-dozen make an effort. Most say, ‘I don’t want a woman who’s a size 10 or 11 wearing my clothes.’ Well, shame on you! It’s not realistic. We need to address real women with real needs.’ – tim gunn

  16. 16
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted September 26, 2012 at 6:21 am

    MMW- With every recap I looove you just a wee bit more. Your turns of phrase are delightful, from the MiaDmitri nesting doll through the three rows of Romneys.

    *swoon*

  17. 17
    lindaw205
    Posted September 26, 2012 at 6:39 am

    I say Dmitry was robbed again……I loved the costume and don’t think Christopher’s would show up very well past the 3rd row.

    Hey Elena! This one time, at band camp…….

  18. 18
    ConfusedinCanada
    Posted September 26, 2012 at 6:57 am

    I have never been so happy to see anyone go in my life from all the cycles of this show as him! Karma is a bitch asshole!

    I agree with everyone else Dmitry was robbed….

  19. 19
    itchy itchy
    Posted September 26, 2012 at 10:43 am

    So I guess I’d be in the minority if I were to admit that Dmitri reminds me of Droopy?

  20. 20
    timgunnssister timgunnssister
    Posted September 26, 2012 at 11:51 am

    Thanks to my son, I am now the proud owner of a ringtone voiced by my adorable older brother saying “Bitch slap that bitch!”. Mama would be so proud.

  21. 21
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted September 26, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    I’ve seen a few girls walking around NYC sporting headwraps like Sonjia. As a fellow Brown girl who wraps her hair quite regularly, I must say that I love her choice in fabrics. But I prefer my bun on the side or at the nape of my neck rather than gathered above my eyebrows. It looks good on her though.

    Was anyone else surprised to learn Blorpheus was only 28? I thought he was at least 35+. I did notice how estranged he and his sister seemed during the family challenge and I chalked it up to him having a conservative West Indian family and him being the gay black sheep. Either way, it’s sad..but his ego seems fragile and forced…I think deep down he’s a sad, lonely soul. Or has high-functioning Asperger’s. He just can’t really connect with people, he just seems detached from everything and he rarely smiles. I bert derp down, he wanted to make friends with the other designers but just lacks the social skills for anything beyond small talk.

  22. 22
    itchy itchy
    Posted September 26, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    I bert derp down too, but I don’t talk about it in a public internet forum. Sheesh.

  23. 23
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted September 26, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    @Itchy, I’m so glad that you don’t talk about berting deep down either. You see, @SarClassy can get away with things that you simply can’t.

    And, yes, you are a minority, and probably of one, who thinks Dmitry *sigh* reminds you of droopy. There are no doubt many Gasmii who are saying “Who?” at this very moment.

  24. 24
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted September 26, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    My sister wears headwraps like Sonjia’s too…I don’t like them, but I guess they’re pretty popular.

    And I agree that Dmirty was robbed.
    I actually think that you would be able to see the detail on Chris’s outfit from pretty far back. The buildings didn’t look that tiny, and honestly, when you’re in the poor people seats, you can’t see the detailing on most costumes, so its kind of moot.
    But the skirt on Chris’ was absolutely terrible…it was all stiff and didn’t move at all. And the color of it was kind of blah.
    Just because Dmitry’s costume had the right blend of movement, sparkle, contrast, and design, he deserved to win.

    And I did feel kind of sad for Blorpheus this episode. You can tell he really has no idea what to do with criticism. And his story of his lonely childhood made alot of sense as far as why he is so socially inept. I still am glad that he went home though. I’m sure there are lots of people who will love to buy and wear his origami transformer clothes, but it was getting really old really quick.
    Crazy how young he is though. He looks and sounds like he’s 40.

  25. 25
    juddfan
    Posted September 26, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    I would never wear a headwrap if my hair was that awesome blue color!!!!

    I like dimi, but I don’t love him like you grrrls on here, so if I only saw his pic, I might see a little droopy there (droopy dog, yes?) He’s way too witty for it to sustain tho . . . I’m so glad he’s on the show.

    I figured Blorph was one of those types who would just sit at his machine and sew intricate flowers over and over . . . almost as an escape, so I wasn’t shocked to hear it. My ex has that disaffected speech pattern, which has allowed me to have more sympathy, but agreed, so glad he’s gone!!!

    He does look around 40. He does seem lonely. but, I beg to differ on people lining up for his flower clothes, unless they’re rich enough to wear something once. I can’t see those getting cleaned and pressed. Wouldn’t the shiny seems from the overlaps start to show on the outer fabric? Might be a good place to find a crumb from last night’s dinner, if you’re hungry . . . just beware the lint bunnies gathering inside, they WILL bite you!!!!

  26. 26
    DallasHockeyMom
    Posted September 26, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    what happened to page 6 of the recap?

  27. 27
    MrsMiaWallace MrsMiaWallace
    Posted September 26, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    @itchy – LOL, I was going to say something but well, it would be gilding the lily

    @DallasHMom – it loads fine for me??? If your question is about the quality of the writing then it may be page 6 is my Bloody Mary tipping point … I suggest you read no further, it probably only gets worse

    @Detinha, timgunnssister, snowshoe cat, et al: thank you so much! I am so glad you’re enjoying these! I blush!

    About Chris’ design in blue – I agree it would definitely stand out more but I think the silver is really part of the magic that makes me begrudgingly love it the most. It just makes me think of shiny Sears Tower, which to me is just NYC up and down.

    @mirabelle – I approve, but I still have an asexual love for Dmitry (you’re welcome Marcellus), but @caligirl – that gentle sewing and murmuring… really put a hurt on the “a” :)

    For this week I am predicting Elena goes down… she has hovering near the bottom and keeps cranking out mistakes despite her true talent. Plus the real problem is I think she is pretty demoralized at this point and I fear her with a baby!

    @Chris Valezquez – Thanks!!! I don’t know if you want to post the name of your bar on the internet but if I end up in Cayey I will just go to all of them and loudly proclaim “Yo soy Señora Wallace! Send out the virgins to wax my loins!” I will let you know about bail.

    Love you all and I’ll miss you!

  28. 28
    timgunnssister timgunnssister
    Posted September 27, 2012 at 9:55 am

    Oh. My.

    The 2nd season of All Stars includes both Ivy Higa AND Wendy Pepper. I love some of the ones coming back but can’t watch unless Ivy and Wendy go home in epis 1 and 2.

  29. 29
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted September 27, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    The only All Stars season I want to see is one where all the winners go head to head.
    Anything else is a no.
    Especially after the h0t boring mess that was the last all star season.

  30. 30
    Shana
    Posted October 5, 2012 at 3:05 am

    @Chaosbutterfly: absolutely, great idea. That would be interesting, past winners competing.

  31. 31
    Shana
    Posted October 5, 2012 at 3:12 am

    I would have loved it if they put on the white backscreen a computer generated picture of the models in their outfit multiplied–to kind of get an idea of how they would look standing in a row. It is not just one dancer’s outfit being judged, but how they come together in a group as well. Dimitri’s outfit would have looked interesting being worn in a single dance line, as would Christopher’s outfit. Not sure about the other outfits though.

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