Prom Queens Recap: Teenagers and Tiaras

She interviews that basically Princess looks like shit and her corsage is made of out of poor ass balloons and that Princess is pumping a “circus look.”  I have to admit that in the long shot of TTR standing, clutching her pocketbook, she looks gorgeous.

Thank goodness she lost those three pounds and fit into the dress

We are then treated to snippets of prom-goers revealing whom they voted for, and we are led to believe the vote is split.  Back to Princess in her damn tiara telling us that soon Queen Princess will step up to take the throne.  Then we’re treated to another shot of her date with the Janiston hair.  I can’t.  I just can’t with him. 

“Did you bring my juice box?”

PROM QUEEN TIME!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, let’s not just dash over the prom king.  He’s never officially introduced, but wow.  He’s a skinny white kid with super long, scraggly hair.  Judging stereotypically, he looks like a major nerd, which is cool, but I’m surprised.  Maybe he does everyone’s homework.

Jesus: “I died for THESE sins?”

The tension builds as they announce that it was an extremely close race.  Turkish Tara Reid tells us that she will freak out if she doesn’t win.  Princess just says that she will cry.  Her moment of humility has me back on her side.  Besides, it’s always easier to root for a plucky ginger. 

“And your 2012 prom queen—“ TTR immediately stands up tall, confident that she has that shit on lock. 

If this is just an editing trick, then BRAVO!

Princess is nervously holding her prepubescent date’s hand, which is so endearing.  And the winner is. . . PRINCESS!!!  She totally redeemed herself to me toward the end, so I’m actually happy she pulled it off.  Her date is clutching his pearls and making me say awww. 

Ladies and gentlegasmii, Queen of the Dumpster Fires

Turkish Tara Reid holds it together and manages to clap for her opponent, but I can see her stroking out on the inside.  Princess has won her 35^th tiara and upgraded to Queen.  TTR is grateful and tells us that she wrote a list in fourth grade of everything she wanted to do in life.  The “last thing” on her list was be prom queen.  Well, I guess she die now.  Bye, girl!  She just instantly pulled her ass from my favorite list. 

Then Queen Princess kisses her five-year-old prom date.

Then Chris Hansen walks in, asks her have a seat, and offers her iced tea.

“I still won, bitches!” she remarks.  Classy.  TTR lets us know that she has “a better everything than her.”  Well, she probably does have a better skillset that includes putting on a condom with her mouth.  That is, if she ever uses them.  She calls her mom who is still supportive and tells her that she doesn’t need a crown to be a queen.  If only she would ground that little floozy every now and then and enforce some consequences. 

“Hold on, my john is calling.”