Prom Queens Recap: Teenagers and Tiaras

PROM DAY

PP and her mother have a heart-to-heart about PP leaving for college, and mommy is having a hard time letting go.  Maybe their bff relationship is true and not some bullshit control issue.  They both cry, and this seemingly piece of shit show is growing on me by the minute!  If PP doesn’t win, I’m going to scream until the neighbors call the police.  Of course the narrator shows up to talk trash and say “don’t kid yourselves, ladies.  Dad’s already planning his man cave.”  Eat a bowl of dicks, Narrator. 

Blandrea has a grand plan about her prom arrival.  She tells her parents that her date got them a ride in a helicopter and that “it’s just not a big deal.”  Mama and daddy are not sitting well with that, but Andrea insists that there’s no way she can win prom queen arriving in a regular car.  HA.  Fuck yourself with a rusty chainsaw, Blandrea.  YES, I have no qualms saying that to a minor.  Oh shit, is that some sort of cyber crime?  Scratch that, I mean. . . get thee to a nunnery, Blandrea.  Her family finally puts a foot down and forbids the helicopter. 

The face of gratitude

I don’t give a shit about their daughter’s safety, it’s her giant ass ego I’m concerned about.  Blandrea pouts off to her room where she will probably go on Facebook and bitch about her terrible parents to her 5,000 friends who don’t really care about her (good lord I’m so glad I deactivated Facebook).

One of these things is not as cunty as the other.

It’s prom night in Tatum, Texas, and holy shit their population is 1,385.  I’m from a relatively small town myself, but DAYMN.  No wonder there are only two prom queen nominees.  They’re the only ones who aren’t missing teeth or chromosomes.  For such a small town, people sure are pulling up to the event in the most ridiculous fashions.  Horse and carriage, hydraulic cars, tractors, and what looks like a legit wagon from The Oregon Trail.  I hope they didn’t break an axel and get dysentery! 

If the whole helicopter plan doesn’t work out, they can always just caulk Blandrea and float her ass to the prom.

Of course Blandrea arrives in a helicopter just as her parents forbade her, and I said a few prayers that it would crash into the event, thus ending this nightmare.  I’m having flashbacks to Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion, only with entitled spoiled twats.  HA another couple shows up in a helicopter.  Consider that thunder stolen, girl.  And it’s….some random ho!  Blandrea is not pleased that someone jacked her tacky idea.

It’s a bird!  It’s a plane!  It’s an awful entitled child!