Prom Queens Recap: Teenagers and Tiaras

TTR’s mom is confident that on prom night, her daughter will come home with the tiara.  I kind of want her to adopt me.  Is there such a thing as adult adoption?

FOUR DAYS UNTIL PROM

Now it’s time for Princess to buy her dress.  This must be just for the show, because all the girls I knew got their prom dresses far in advance.  No one waits until four days before the dance.  You get a too-small dress months in advance so no other bitch has the same look and you have plenty of time to diet/starve/purge/abuse prescription medication to fit into that sucker.  Princess is walking around in public with a tiara that has pink feathery trim.  This is just unacceptable.  No matter what age, I would snatch that thing off her head and snap it in two in front of her face.  Delusions are best crushed at an early age. 

They fooled me since apparently they are tiara shopping.  Sigh.  Dad’s affinity for the “bigger glitterierer” tiara and his mannerisms lead me to believe there’s a reason there’s no mother in the picture.  If you catch my drift.

“When Annie’s not around, I’m the one wearing the tiara.”

 Our resident bitch Narrator snipes in saying that unless these tiaras come dripping with diamonds, these plastic tiaras are way too tacky for posh TTR.  If I were Princess watching this at home, I would want to cut this bitch.

NOW it’s time for some real dress shopping.  Turkish Tara Reid tried her dress on two months ago like a good girl, but that asshole Narrator chimes in to remind us that hopefully TTR’s been skipping the ice cream Sundays.  Daaaamn, girl, that’s low.  I don’t think this nominee has much to worry about.  A steady diet of only alcohol, club drugs, and semen doesn’t equate to that many calories. 

The hooker look is in for 2012.

Uh oh, it seems TTR did in fact gain a little weight.  Not one to let alone a golden opportunity, the Narrator pipes up with, “suck it in, girl, you only have to wear it once.”  I can’t help but notice TTR’s lack of tan lines on her back.  Slut.  The $350 dress won’t clasp in the back, which is probs due to alcohol bloat.  This sets off TTR to be snippy to her mom about not bringing her shoes.  Oh no!  What ever will they do???  With her hair back in a ponytail, the mom looks exactly like Chelsea Clinton after a team of stylists finally pinned her down and gave her a makeover. 

“You will come home in tiara or body bag.”

THREE DAYS UNTIL PROM

Back at the Prom Committee HQ, Princess is hassling miss TTR over having 22 absences, which is 12 more than she’s “legally” allowed to have.  TTR might not be able to run for prom queen!  She believes that some of those absences are false (yeah right) and plans to fight them.  What school would even let a student fight absences as “administrative mistakes?”  To be fair, she could have just been blowing a guy in the bathroom when they took attendance in homeroom. 

“And you’re sure I can’t make this up with an ORAL exam?”