Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: A Bad Audition and a Dollar Tree

33 Comments

1. 1
   emilt714
   Posted March 12, 2013 at 6:48 am

   Holy crap… Dana has the NERVE to call Brandi out for lacking class?!?!!?!? GOOD GOD LEMON. Spiller her drink/lighting her cancer stick from the table candle… What a pig! Was NEVER a fan of hers, but holy cow, what a fat slob.

2. 2
   Olivia
   Posted March 12, 2013 at 6:58 am

   Dana was there for a reason.

   To prove that there is someone else even sluttier than Brandi. Drunker than Kim. And more hateful than Taylor.

   We all have a purpose in life and this is hers.

3. 3
   hbgchick
   Posted March 12, 2013 at 8:55 am

   “…she thought she’d been taking water pills but she’d really been taking that same drug that made her have seizures last season right before rehab.”

   Lol…ok, I didn’t watch the show so I’m not sure if this is Flipit’s snark, or something Kim actually said. If it’s snark…awesome as usual. If she actually SAID this…WTF? A.) how could a person possible make this mistake and B.) how could a physician prescribe medication that caused them to have seziures before?

   Twitch is as delusional as Jodi Arias, either way.

4. 4
   Hantz Down
   Posted March 12, 2013 at 9:07 am

   LOL Dana! After all the shenanigans on this show that make me shake my head, Dana’s “performance” was the first time my jaw dropped. She is just mad at Brandi because Brandi got a regular spot on the show and Dana got the boot. Dana was such a pitiful loser. Oh, so your obviously cheating boyfriend should have still given you that Lamborghini?? I was actually surprised at the language on the show about her sucking “penis”. (how klassy). I know it isn’t a kids show but it just took me aback because of all the stuff Brandi has said, that they didn’t bleep it out. Whatevs.

   I like how Fail responded to Dana’s question if she is dating anyone with a “no”. Um, didn’t she just abandon her kid to fly off with her married lawyer to bone?

   I would love to hear more details about Dana’s destruction since I hated her when she was a bit-player that was trying way to hard to become a feature player. And if she was part of this group, why didn’t I see her at Kyle’s store opening?? Or why wasn’t she in Paris? I guess she was at the mechanic’s turning in the Lamborghini. Loser!

5. 5
   Gma96793
   Posted March 12, 2013 at 9:07 am

   Just read that Adrienne and her boy toy Sean Stewart have broken up!!!!!! (who did not see that coming)

6. 6
   featherhead
   Posted March 12, 2013 at 9:32 am

   Did anyone see Ad’s before plastic surgery picture in the Star magazine? OMG – She had a nose to rival Jimmy Durante! This episode had so much to snark on – Drunk Pam, Stoned Twitch, and even Taylor calls her and Vyle’s chat about mixed up scripts in the changing room BS in her blog. And how dare Brandi be right about Pam’s cheating boyfriend! Love it!!!

7. 7
   Hantz Down
   Posted March 12, 2013 at 10:24 am

   @GMA96793 – How tragic that Ad and Sean didn’t last. With a true romance like that one not working, what hope is there for the rest of us???

8. 8
   labowner
   Posted March 12, 2013 at 10:37 am

   “Girlfriends don’t get alimony”

   You’re right, that is why they call it palimony.

   “explain to me why dollar stores charge 99 cents for the same damn dish soap I found at Target for 85 cents!”

   Where in the fark do you have the kind of time to allow you to know this?

   Thanks for the great recap. This show is so farking boring. Yeah Vancouver housewives.

9. 9
   mere2142
   Posted March 12, 2013 at 11:54 am

   I think we need the ‘gasmi on the case of ‘What the fuck is Kyle’s husband’s real name?’ because everyone seems to have a different pronunciation/idea of what is correct. Even his own sister in law doesn’t seem to have a clue. Someone has to be able to produce his birth certificate!

10. 10
    labowner
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 12:21 pm

    He claims to be Mexican so I am assuming the “o” is correct. I don’t get why we care about the pronunciation of his name. I know plenty of people who get called different names by different people.

11. 11
    moore
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 1:44 pm

    Wasn’t Dana married? I remember her bragging that her 1 year old son could speak Thai or something. Wasn’t she also a proud ass kisser? What a complete personality change. But a step up in my book. That scene definitely made up for all the “barely there” moments we had to endure of her last season.

12. 12
    Mimo
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 1:52 pm

    @moore #11 – My memory says that she wasn’t married – just had the boyfriend. I think Brandi might have “mentioned” that he was cheating on her and that’s why she hates Brandi so much. Was she the one that was raised rich, then poor and then rich again? (Depending on whether she was with mom or dad) or am I thinking of someone else?

13. 13
    moore
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 2:35 pm

    Ha! Yes! I remember her stupid sob story at the reunion where she pretended to cry over not knowing who she was. If she was a rich girl or a poor girl or whatever she was going on about I really don’t remember. I just remember she said all that while wearing Adrienne’s hideous “f*ck me” pumps from her shoe collection and then proceeded to say she’s loves kissing people’s asses (she kissed kyle’s and kim’s all season) and would do it all over again if she had to. That’s why I was shocked about her complete 360 degree turn around this week. But I guess that was to be expected because people who kiss people’s asses are usually very fake and two faced.

14. 14
    FuriousFlipper
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 6:06 pm

    Sir, you are golden. Love love love love your recaps. The “..while hick America is polishing their baseball bats” and the “..lemons donated to the poor people in need of detoxing” and the – well, I’ll just have to read this again. All of it, golden.

15. 15
    Gypsy
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 7:04 pm

    For those of you with RW/Challenge cross over knowledge Dana is from the same town as CT from MTV and the Sponge Bob twins from BCG/Oxygen network so, that should clue you in to her class. We call the county where they are from Mingya Valley as in everyone from there is FUCKED!

    Can someone tell me why no one will tell Yoli to get a new weave. I. MEAN. REALLY. Talk about Dollar Store??? WTF is up with that mullet?

    #HOLYYOLIMULLET

    Oh and @flipit….Learn to type, boo. GOLD!

16. 16
    Libithina
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 7:32 pm

    Wait, Dana’s from Methuen??? LOL

17. 17
    SarahRita
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 7:58 pm

    @Gypsy-All I could look at was the exposed tracks in Yoli’s weave! I love me some Yoli but damn girl needs to get a new weave!

    @Flipit-you sir, are a genuis, the baseball comment caught me off guard I spewed out my wine onto my dog. Hilarious!

18. 18
    Drit-er
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 8:12 pm

    Dana was freaking hilarious. Get that crazy drunk bitch on the show more often!

    Flipit – you da man, man! You make me feel so much less like a cockaroach for watching this show….I just feel smug instead.

19. 19
    yummy
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 8:30 pm

    Dana…so absolutely desperate for camera time and so jealous of Brandi! I found her to be extremely pathetic and sad. Please have a seat, you are nobody in this world, as Yoli would say!

20. 20
    too-old-to-care
    Posted March 12, 2013 at 11:09 pm

    Did I see a hole in the seam behind Ad’s right armpit at the store opening? Watch when she raises her right arm.

21. 21
    Holyterror
    Posted March 13, 2013 at 2:06 am

    When Yoli’s hair is down, she looks like Klaus Kinski in Aguirre The Wrath of God.

    Not a good look.

22. 22
    KarenVC
    Posted March 13, 2013 at 7:14 am

    It is my belief that Kim relapsed in Paris. Although, she seemed fine when she was telling her \story\ to Kyle about mixing up her pills. Having been in recovery for 21 years I have seen this scene play out time and time again. It can be hard to get clean, that’s why it is suggested that we get sponsors…one of the first things a good sponser would have done was go through Kim’s medicine cabinet with her and dispose of medications that she does not need, or that could possibly trigger a relaspe. No one that is serious about their sobriety would just take pills willy-nilly without reading a label. Kim come clean, and change your sobriety date. This secret could ultimately be your downfall.

23. 23
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted March 13, 2013 at 5:06 pm

    Great recap, as usual. FABOOless and now we have the Morally Corrupt Faye Rancid’s return to look forward to next week–like an erupting carbuncle on the ass of Beverly Hills. What a treat! The gift that keeps on giving. Kind of hard to top Dana though I thought for sure she was going to light the filter of that cigarette. I liked Maloof Hoof’s top with the illusion? of its split underarm seams.

    I did enjoy seeing what makes up the limp, straw-like tresses of Her Beigeness. I still will nevah understand why such rich bitaches have such skankazoid looking hair dids.

    Shishishi…..

24. 24
    labowner
    Posted March 13, 2013 at 5:24 pm

    Really odd – page three is possessed. Last week it was missing and this week it turns everything bold again.

    I would kill to see Kevin and Yolanda attempt to have a conversation.

25. 25
    kthxbai
    Posted March 14, 2013 at 12:47 pm

    @KarenVC That pill story was such classic Twitch I can’t complain since it make me ROFL so hard.

    So does @Flipit.

    To show my gratitude, here’s my best Dollar Tree tip: Be sure to look in the dishes section. We got crystal claret glasses. And a whole set of dinner dishes. Plain white with a little gold electroplate rim that hasn’t flaked or messed up in the dishwasher yet. And we’ve been using them for close to 10 yrs. We got 12 of the claret glasses and 8 4 piece place settings for less than $50.

    If Miss Andy doesn’t want her, Dana would be great on Bachelor Pad! Or Welcome To Myrtle Manor. It’s that new show about the trailer park in S Carolina. That I hope gets recapped.

26. 26
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted March 15, 2013 at 3:17 am

    Dana’s got a sure-fire way making sure that cigarette is out–sit on it!

27. 27
    Tamitha
    Posted March 15, 2013 at 4:15 am

    @KarenVC_Yes!!! Agreed with all your words! And if nothing else, that bitch WAS drunky monkey that first night on the balcony. Dah-RUUUNK! It all makes sense, really. Jetlag, alone in your own hotel room in a foreign city, one known for romance, but you are sans lover…..everyone else celebrating….all catalysts for potential relapse. Anyone on her type of medication regimign (sp?) is WELL aware of what pills are in what bottles and what to take when. You KNOW that bitch has one of those plastic, sectioned, day-of-the-week, a.m./p.m. pill organizers/holders! My mom has a cabinet full of them! The bitch is on a trip, far away from home, dealing with social anxiety and jet lag and a time difference that might make her hesitant to call her sponsor. Her sitch SCREAMS relapse! I think her tears are more out of frusteration that she cannot get away with SHIT! She is so obvious when she has self-medicated that she is called out IMMEDIATELY by SOMEONE every time, and CANNOT hide that shit. She’s like “DAYUM! Can’t everyone go back to ignoring the white elephant for, like, ONE SEC, so I can down all the clear liquor out of the mini bar and refill the bottles with water since i’m a broke bitch? Puh-LEEZ?” Poor twitch. *sadface*

28. 28
    WhiteTrashGal
    Posted March 17, 2013 at 2:34 pm

    “Thankfully, there’s a gutter in front for Faye to crawl out of. She designed the store. I expect a lot of wicker. When did tie dye and plastic beaded bullseyes start happening?”

    Do not try to tell me you didn’t recognize Kyle’s outdated merch right on ol’ MC Faye. I have no idea what the women of BH wear when their stylists aren’t dressing them for the camera, but I believe they make a good case for why America went to jeans and t-shirts 40 years ago. The words “yeast infection” and “body odor” always pop into my head when watching this show.

    And now that they’ve added “brown staining” to the furniture, I’m pretty sure if I ever visit there, I’ll be standing up the entire time.

    As for Twitch, I haven’t believed a word she’s said since the first season. That woman has more denial in her little finger than Andy’s got obvious glee in a Reunion show.

    Love ya’, Flipit, for catching “the detail” so beautimously.

29. 29
    dizzygirl
    Posted March 17, 2013 at 5:40 pm

    I have a feeling our beloved Miss Andy brought Dana out b/c of the over whelming hatred of MCFR….but do we want Dana over MCFR? It is not unlike Sophie’s Choice….we are being forced to pick one….

30. 30
    Foofoo
    Posted March 18, 2013 at 1:48 am

    Can we also talk about the stain on Dana’s dress and the couch when she got up to greet Fish?

31. 31
    KarenVC
    Posted March 18, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    Oh, I have one more observation about Twitch…she snarls at Lisa that taking a sleeping pill would be a relapse, but taking other medication by \mistake\ is not? Time to change your sobriety date.

    I also wonder why Twitch does not have a blog up on Bravo.

32. 32
    labowner
    Posted March 18, 2013 at 5:16 pm

    “The words “yeast infection” and “body odor” always pop into my head when watching this show.”

    White Trash are you telling me you think BH smells like a stinky cab driver?

33. 33
    WhiteTrashGal
    Posted March 27, 2013 at 7:51 pm

    labowner: “White Trash are you telling me you think BH smells like a stinky cab driver?”

    Why yes, labowner, I may be saying exactly that. lol

    Or the dressing room at a mid-market department store?