Lisa takes Brandi on a house tour and they joke about how Brandi wants to bone that hunk of burning hemorrhoids, Ken. As they walk into the enormous walk in closet, Brandi says, at the exact same time as RHOM’s Joanna Krupa, “Fuck yooooou.”
Ken comes home and sneaks into the closet for a nice long silent but deadly faht, but the girls are there so…he couldn’t hold it. Once Brandi is revived, she gives the couple a gift. Sex toys. Maybe next time you should get them something useful. Like Febreeze. The party of the day? Villa Blanca’s third anniversary! Three? They make that place sound like an institution. How come no one throws Little Caesar’s party? That place has kept me fat for decades. WHERE’S THEIR CELEBRATION?!?!
Everyone has been invited to the party. Except Adrienne. Not because her face looks like poop on a windshield going through a drive through carwash, but because she was a vile c word to Lisa at the reunion. Good for Lisa, although she should have been done with that freak after she signed Lindsay Lohan’s sister Slowhan to a recording deal. That kind of desperation will never a good friend make.
Kyle also opens her scene staring at herself in the mirror. It’s one of those super magnifying ones, though.
Thankfully, we are shielded from seeing what she sees.
Kyle’s life is soooooo hectic you guys. Perfect, but hectic. Heck, she has a hot husband who bought her a new car just cuz! AW!!
Surface: This is the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for me.
Truth: So when is that herpes you got from the hooker gonna show up on my jay, ya scumbag?
I actually feel bad for her as she squeals. You know he’s impregnated the counter girl at Pinkberry or some shit. That car is expensive. Yes, it’s leased to look richer for a TV show, but it’s an expensive lease! Just for the record: GROSS.
Adrienne arrives to emasculate Paul over a nice dinner. She tells us that they’re both busy and super lucky. I can’t tell if she’s lying or not. She still looks like a Connie Chung mask that got left on the radiator so who the hell knows what’s going on in her head?
Dong dong a ding donga ling dong
Taylor calls and sucks the air of the room. She’s gained ten pounds, you guys!! I don’t believe that. Vodka and coke are not fattening. Look at Kim. Anyway, she says she wants Ad to take her shopping to buy fat clothes to wear to the Villa Blanca party and D’OH Ad wasn’t invited. HEHEHEHEHEE. She’s shocked. SHOCKED. Um, bitch, you have a DVR, right? Do you record your own show? Go back and watch that shit. You’re super gross and mean. GIVE CONNIE CHUNG HER FACE BACK!