Ad says that real friends don’t hold grudges, they just move on. Says the woman who’s *Spoiler Alert* having her vicious gayployee spread pictures of her alleged abuse all over the internet to slander her husband. JUST MOVE ON, AD! Ad says she’s embarrassed to not get an invite. I know that Lisa is too much of a class act to say this, so I’ll do it: Listen here, Chinatown on Fire, FUCK OFF.
Let’s meet Yolanda McSquint!
It’s nodda toomah.
She’s a model from Holland. Yeah, I already hate her, too. She squints, brags about how beautiful the house “dat I beeld and draw avery eench off” is and then, well, I think this pretty much says all you need to know about this dick:
Lisa knows Holanda cuz she’s that Cloris Leachman lookalike MoHam’s ex wife. Wow. She’s a bit old for MoHam, isn’t she? I thought he liked em pre period. Nasty ole coot.
Here’s to replacing Mrs Garret on Facts of Life! Cheers!
Holanda brags that her husband has lots of Grammys and has worked with Barbra, Whitney, and Celine. He’s a badass. Also, he’s a gay guy’s CD collection. She doesn’t want jewelry from him, just love letters. Huh? My guess is she already knows his PIN number anyway cuz that doesn’t sound right. He tells us that he does, in fact, write her love letters every single day. “She doesn’t demand it, she commands it.” Yeah, that’s pretty scary. But it rhymed! You ARE talented! Holanda says when she needs attention she just reads the letters and feels better. I take it there’s not a Pleasure Chest in Malibu. Girl you need to learn to masturbate. Forced love letters. Good lord.
He squeezes her thigh in front of his writing team and I feel sorry for the guys. It’s not easy watching a man in his sixties try so desperately to convince the world that he doesn’t have to do the helicopter on his Viagra infused weewee for forty five minutes to get to half staff. Sadgrammywinninghorns.
TWIIIIITCH!!! Kim Twitchards pops up on the screen and my heart is instahappy. Let’s see how many awkward poses she can make in two seconds!
Ow my back
I need a blanket.
Watch out, Beyonce!
Kim’s taking her youngest daughter to Kathy’s house, which is crazy. One, cuz rumor had it Kathy refused to appear on TV without compensation, and two, cuz there’s probably some form of HPV on everything in that house. I thought you were trying to stay healthy, Twitch!