Kim tells us about going to rehab, and I love that she’s completely spaced out and slurry as she does it. Hey, I’m not knocking her down. I love my Twitch slurry. Some people aren’t meant to be sober. Janis Joplin would have lived longer without the drink, but she would have just been a super homely woman with a real job or something. Sometimes art needs a little push, and Twitch is an artist, dammit. She makes…messes. Super entertaining ones. Long paragraph. My point is, YAY ALCOHOL!
The kid is going to her first prom and is gonna borrow a hand me down from Kathy. No offense but I hope they have a seamstress to take that shit in. Goodness. Kathy says she’s gonna need a boutonniere for her date. Kim has no idea what that is. “You’re kidding.” Blank blinks. Then Kim responds “You’re kidding.” HAHA. “I have a boot, and I have an ear.” LOL KIM. I LOVE TWITCH.
Twitch says that she’s super close with Kathy, unlike KYLE. She tells a story about a dude sticking his tongue in her mouth at prom while drinking her “lemonade”, and then Kyle comes in to make stuff all awkward. She tells us that all of her and Twitch’s fights stemmed from Twitch “not being clean.” I have a feeling a lot of those drinks were to deal with the pain of having a sister who traumatically got a stick stuck up her ass.
It’s fun watching the three sisters together. They kid Twitch about her daughter almost being ready to bone her boyfriend. Kathy warns “Just don’t leave them alone together. EVER.” Especially with a video connection and an internet account. She might get famous.
Lisa is visiting Brandi’s hovel, and she’s wearing some serious spike heels. Watching her wobble her way up the steps is like having tickets to Old Lady Cirque du Soleil.
They gossip a bit about the other ladies. Basically no one keeps in touch unless it’s time to film. Brandi is nervous about seeing Failor, cuz last time they spoke was at the reunion, when Brandi made fun of Fail for using her husband’s suicide for profit. Good call, btw. It must KILL Fail to see this shot of Brandi’s house after she’s gone into such tremendous debt to live in BevHills and fake wealth to get on the show.
Starline Tours: This was once the set of Roseanne.
Kyle’s redeeming quality is about to turn four, so it’s time for a party!
Don’t invite Connie Chung.
Portia wants to call the Joker lady who married the guy on a swing. Failor it is. Portia demands Fail show up to the party, but asks her to please not try to hurt Batman this year. They try calling Twitch next, but she presses “Decline.” LOL, TWITCH! Her mailbox is full. You know that she uses those throwaway cells now so Kyle can’t find her.