Next, Portia calls Lisa. “Hello, dahling.” OMG THAT KID!! I hate being nice in these recaps, but dammit I really wish I had ovaries right now. Brandi says hi to Kyle and tells us that she and Kyle are ok as Kyle rolls her eyes.
FAIL. She says that her public struggles have been hard, but that’s no reason not to shop with money she conned out of innocent people. She walks around talking about how fat she is and she’s, of course, still all anorexic and coke head-y looking. Ad meets her to shop and tells her that Paul is going bi. Coastal. These two are hideous with personalities to match. Just pointing out the obvious while nothing happens in this scene. They avoid the Lisa discussion until Fail brings it up. Ad thinks Lisa is a mean girl and she’s being petty. Well, show up and tell everyone she sold stories about them or something. I’m like Adrienne’s face at this point. I feel nothing.
Time for Lisa’s party. We are slowly being introduced to the cast of her spin off show, and me likey.
Yolanda is one of the first guests to arrive and she’s already too good for this shit. A thought bubble pops up over her head.
The girls arrive one by one. Twitch grabs a mic to announce that she’s drinking water, and Holyanda joins her. Brandi introduces herself to Yoli and says she knows her cuz she was married to MoHam and it’s a small town. “You know everyone, you’ve slept with everyone…!” Of course Holyanda is mortified, but as we now know, Brandi mentions fucking in every single sentence because she’s insecure. She’s that girl in junior high who gave bjs to the football team when all she really wanted was a hug, but no one would hug her cuz she smelled like sperm. AWWWW!!
Kyle gives Twitch shit about not answering the calls, and then tells her and Failor that she’s sorry she got stuck inviting Brandi to her kid’s bday party. Kyle knows that Brandi talks shit about her, “but I still enjoy seeing her face. Both of them.” I think we can thank her manny for that one. Well done, manny! Twitch smiles tightly and then scribbles “do not bring glass pipe to Portia’s party” on the back of her hand.
Twitch might not even show up at the stupid party cuz she has kids, or something. Brandi approaches and Twitch twiches the hell outta there. Brandi tells us that Twitch blames her for all her drug and alcohol problems, and this is the sixth time she’s said that tonight. Girl, she blames you for telling everyone about it on national TV! You didn’t make her do drugs, you made her get SOBER. That’s just unforgivable.
Holyanda joins the group, so Twitch comes back. They start talking shit about Brandi, and Kyle makes cat claws. Because Brandi’stwo faced. Kyle’s not quite there yet. She’s got one Kyle face and one Taylor face fillering up to the surface.
Give it time.