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Tuesday, November 6, 2012
12:35 am
47 Comments
Holyanda is quick to report that Brandi said that she’s slept with everyone in this town. Kyle is giddy. She says she’s shocked. “Not that she would do it, but that she would say it.” HA. Kyle’s an asshole, but she’s a funny asshole. To get technical, Brandi’s words were “You’ve slept with everyone,” not that she had. Blame it on bad translation. I blame everything on foreigners. It’s the patriotic thing to do.
Lisa has a delivery! It’s a giant, tacky as hell bouquet from Adrienne. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. That might have worked better months ago with a card that said “Sorry I tried to ruin your reputation on national television because I was jealous of the attention your tiny old ass balding dog was getting”, but now you just look like a fucking fool. And it’s DELICIOUS.
Saddest droopiest brownest deadest arrangement of all time.
And now for a burning question: why does a woman with a house the size of a mall do deodorant commercial?!?!
Smells like desperation.
The final scene is Twitch and Kyle being all awkward with each other. Kyle thought Twitch just hated her cuz she was wasted, and can’t understand why sobriety hasn’t made Kyle more palatable. Try ear plugs. They’re cheaper than rehab and way less offensive.
What did you guys think? Was the return of our girls everything you’d hoped it would be? Is Ad getting a bad rap? Will Brandi ever utter a sentence that isn’t about being a whore?
Check out my ReDub of the “Coming This Season” clip below!
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47 Comments
I thought that flower arrangement was the ugliest thing I have ever seen!
Seriously? Those were the make up flowers Ade? You didn’t want to send something pink since that’s Lisa’s favorite color?
Kyle needs therapy for her relationship with her sister. She needs to let that shit go so they can all move on. Why do they HAVE to come to Portia’s birthday party? Maybe they had plans as a family or maybe Kim doesn’t really like you right now Kyle.
I’m gonna just dive right in and say Failor’s makeup looked like Phaedra was practicing on one of her mortician dolls.
UGH.
Yay!! RHOBH and Flipit!!!
That flower arrangement was hideous!! I too thought brought Brandi said ‘you slept with everyone.’ I was confused but didn’t care enough to rewind.
@Classy totally agree. I was thinking they are 16 and up into their 20′s not interesting in hanging out at a 4 year old’s birthday party on a nice Saturday afternoon. I know I wouldn’t be.
Hilarious recap, Flipit! My favorite… \Holanda says when she needs attention she just reads the letters and feels better. I take it there’s not a Pleasure Chest in Malibu. Girl you need to learn to masturbate. Forced love letters. Good lord.\ Bwahhahaha! I was sooo ready for RHOBH after that fuster-cluck known as RHONJ and the too-tame and kind of lame, RHONY.
Glurk! The flowers. How much did they cost? $25,000? Where was Dana? Aaahhh, so many questions.
Hysterical Flipit. Loving old squinty eyes. Her and Twitch besties already. Think they’ll have a sleepover?
BOOT and EAR!!!!! HahahahafuckingHA.
Oh Boy– forgot these broads were back–I love that word– my very proper great aunt used it often-heeheehee.
I missed gravelly voiced slurry Twitch—sigh…..So nice to see the sunshine now the east coast is gettin’ cold
FYI…as of this episode Kyle is a slut pig in my opinion.
Uh, this is the first time in the history of EVERDOM Kyle didn’t do a split and whip her hair (back and forth) into a pony tail and an event.
Lady Point to Kyle.
‘The last time I saw him was on that fire show and the only thing he extinguished was my boner.’
Right? I mean did he used to be HOT. What the hell happened? I blame Leanne Rimes!
Love having you recapping our favorite ladies Flipit!
I watched the marathon yesterday including Kyle’s White Party where Ad insisted she turn Taylor and Russel away because “friends don’t sue friends”. Imagine my surprise during the scenes from this season and guess what? It seems that Ad is sueing everybody (well at least Brandi) from what I could tell during the screetching. Boy have the tables turned! And that had to be the ugliest flower arrangment that I have ever seen! So glad Flipit’s back!!
Just what Kim needs, parental advice from Paris Hilton’s mom. Much as I hate to say it, it might be better to listen to Kyle. Her oldest managed to graduate from USC and hasn’t been arrested for drugs yet.
HOLLA boys and girls. Flipit so glad you’re recapping these broads and I can’t wait for some Twitchisms on the podcast.
Honestly, I feel bad for Kim. If I had Vile Kyle for a sister, I’d be wacked 24.7. What an insecure, annoying beotch. Vile needs to drive into Shut(thefuck) up Mountain immeadiately with her new herpes push present/car.
Love Lisa and her pink fabulousness, Brandi reeks of desperation still using the sex=love=funny shtick, Ade is looking like Grandma Wrinkles aka Sphynx, Yolanda looks just like an older version of Mo-nohadma’s new daughter/wife and Shanna Taylor Hughes Ford Armstrong is still a skanky snake.
Let the games begin!
The best flower arrangements have no natural colors and require a hot glue gun. Dear God that was hideous. I guess an arrangement that was actually attractive wouldn’t have been as ironic.
Kim doesn’t seem to have gleaned much in rehab if she still thinks Brandi did something to her, and still makes vague, lame excuses instead of just telling Kyle she doesn’t want to go to the fucking party. Step One oughtta be: choose not to lie.
Didnt Kim miss all of school because she was so fabulously famous, and isn’t that her go-to excuse for being so fucked up? So what’s with the prom story?
Well Feather – they are not friends so sue away Ad (cold hearted biatch that you are).
RHOBH IS BACK! FLIPIT’S BACK! WHOOHOOOO!
I love love LOVE Ad and Fail bitching about Lisa not inviting Ad when Fail didn’t invite Lisa to her Fake Awards Day Thingy she had last year. Maybe she just wants SUPPORT. And people to lift her UP. HuH? HUH?
So far I hate errrbody but Kim. New girl gettin’ on my NERVES.
I can totally relate to Brandi, bless her heart. She’s just trying to fit in. I want to give her a hug. I’ve made a few self depricating jokes when I was nervous. I called myself a slut before anyone could beat me to. It diffused a tense situation where I was about to get into a bar fight in DC. Everyone had a good laugh except for the one prude in the group. She’s so my favorite.
I truly believe that Kim is sober but unfortunately homegirl is still out to lunch. You pop too many pills or whatever the hell she was doing, and you’re going to do irreversible damage. Kids: just say \no\ or at least \well okay but only a little\.
Kyle is a bully. Portia is indeed her one redeeming quality. How cute was the little girl. \Hello darling\???? Too cute!!!!
Failor and Ad kinda just take up space. Adrienne is living proof that money can’t buy everything. All that money and she’s worried about not being invited to a party thrown by someone she’s fueding with.
Yeah Yolanda was cast for the sole purpose of being the stick-in-the-mud moral compass. A lot of reality shows have them. They’re the people who are kinda above all the drama. Think Carole on NYC or Kandi on ATL. Yolanda thus far is kinda boring and a hoity toity gal. Her main purpose will probably to get pissed off at the antics of the other ladies. Kandi and Carole are very likeable. Thus far Yolanda not so much.
Lisa was awesomeness as usual. Lisa used to be the above the drama girl but it looks like she’ll get her manicured hands dirty this season fighting with Adrienne and using Brandi as her foot soldier in said fight.
Not a shabby premier episode. Atlanta’s was better but they keeps it classy in chi chi Beverly Hill dahling.
Anyone wonder how much of Adrianne’s divorce is because Bernie has her ear?
Teleflora® should add that horrendous arrangement to their website and call it the “I wasn’t invited so fuck you bitch”.
@Miss Molly – awesome!!
I gotta say that despite her lack of any class or decorum, I kind of have a soft spot for Brandi. I agree with Terrence that it’s just her way of fitting in. Most of the people probably don’t like her because she actually has said what she’s thinking about them to their faces in the first season, like Kim being on drugs, instead of waiting and saying everything behind their backs, which is obviously the polite thing to do. And Kyle is so full of that two-faced stuff.
I also must admit I go against the grain in regards to Kim. She’s slightly funny in the total mess kind of way, but as much as I dislike Kyle, I’m usually on her side in regards to Kim. Having a close family member be an addict for years and deal with all the repercussions is not easy to get over. They probably do need some therapy. Considering Kim still seems to hate Brandi for calling her out, I’m thinking Kim has as much of a problem moving on as Kyle does. And Portia’s party? They’ve had one every season. She had to know it was coming. Kyle has older kids that seem to be close to Kim’s kids, so I doubt it would be a big deal to stop by the party for an hour. These are not quite like the parties for little kids that I’ve suffered going to as a teenager. I know they’re having problems now, but at least Kim could just own up to it, answer her phone, and tell her sister she’s not coming instead of making Kyle hunt her down and then give a wishy-washy excuse that she might not come.
Wow so you go to rehab and you are suppose to come out perfect and deal with every situation perfectly? There are years of issues between Kim and Kyle. Leave Kim alone.
WTF Kyle’s face looks amazing. Glad to see Kim’s really cleared up when sober. Brandi, learn to dress. Lisa your hair looks gorgeous (is it hers or fake)? Kathy Hilton took off a few pounds.
Oh and the men folk fighting. Did they watch NJ and get jealous?
What is with the nude lipstick? Very distracting.
Flipit so glad you are recapping. Not sure how you are going to top last seasons oh so inappropriate but hilarious comments and descriptions.
No, you’re not going to be perfect coming out of rehab. But when you’ve been in and out of rehab multiple times and have played the denial game with weird or lame excuses for years, the people closest to you start to lose patience and trust, especially when in the back of your mind you’re just worried about when they’re going to fall off the wagon again. People coming out of rehab have a lot of trust to regain from the people closest to them. Kim’s reaction to the party invitation obviously isn’t the worst ever, but it’s not going to help the situation. The two women have deep-seated issues that haven’t all been seen on the show, but Kim’s drug problems are definitely a huge strain on a family. I always find it much easier to feel sympathy for a drug addict that I don’t know rather than the one I do, which is why I started giving Kyle some leeway last season. I especially feel terribly sorry for Kim’s children.
But enough about that. This season looks pretty full of the petty drama that we live for in these shows.
I love Brandi! I would totally be friends with her.
@Miss Molly
There could be a market for that.
“Did Someone fire you, steal your boyfriend, run over your dog, leave you off of a guest list?” Send Them A Shitty Arrangement! Guaranteed to insult!
Where’s the rest of the RHOA recap? I couldn’t comment there b/c there’s no where to put it!!!
@classy, trying to figure it out now. Not sure what happened.
I’m Team Brandi 100%
Failor looked like a Muppet in the talking heads.
WTF – we have Lance Briggs posting on here?
@Robin.
The arrangement you are talking about has been done already. It is a pile of sh.. on your doorstep or in your mailbox. If you live in New Jersey, it could be a horse’s head.
@missmolly too Fn funny thanks.
@flipit /Ronnie simply loved the video – awesome. Thanks
I have an odd feeling about Yolanda. Something odd about her aura or something. I can’t seem to pinpoint what it is that’s off putting about her.
lol i’m from LA and i been to Kathy’s house when i hungout with Barron Hilton.. i hung around all the Hollywood Hills kids as oppose to the valley where i’m from cause i was fun!! i don’t mind seeing Brandi’s home it actually made me connect to her a little hanging with the likes of Lisa. I don’t like that her hair got blonder, it had no dimension or shine, girl does need to learn to dress! lol hopefully she’ll try a stylist next season. OH and since this a Beverly Hills recap, i’d like to add that i saw Mauricio and his daughter at target last year, lol
lol i had to add i could already see Fail looking at Brandi’s house going, wow, i had to swindle every little last dime i could out of unsuspecting investors to get to this platform in life and She doesn’t? ITS NOT FAIR!!!
Love your writing! This is by far the best blog out there. In my humble opinion -
“Janis Joplin would have lived longer without the drink, but she would have just been a super homely woman with a real job or something.”
Yes!!
Although I hate when you pick on Taylor, Flipit, (the others are totes fair game in my little world), I’m abso-fucking-lutely glad I get to, er, read your fabulous sense of humor
Now I must actually try and read the recap before my nighty-night pills kick in.
YESSSS hillarious recap!!!! Your photocaps had me rollin’, especially that Kim gif.
Was it just me or was Brandy’s house kind of a shithole (for Housewives standards)?! It looked like the kind of dump you’d see on “House Hunters”.
I hope Kim stays sober….being around Kyle would drive anyone to drink.
Kyle does look great though, hopefully she got a new stylist because some of her past “fashions” were awful.
Taylor….I’m actually rooting for her. Can’t say anything bad……yet.
OMG that flower arangement was hideous. It looked like someone found some driftwood in the LA River and glued a bunch of flowers on it. Holy shit.
the new chick…already forgot her name..reminds me of Jennifer Coolidge. Eek
Looks like it’s gonna be a good season with this 90210 hos
Flipit, you are gold! I’d never make it through RH seasons without the fun recaps, and yours are the best. Your vlogs are so good, somebody better snap you up on a TV entertainment show fast so they can put you under guard before it’s too late. You clearly add so much perspective to the drama, I expect they’ll find you with your face stretched out like a kite, stabbed through the heart with a pair of Louboutins, lying in two pieces on a vacant lot in Hollywood any day now with \ Surrender, Dorothy!\ tattooed on your forehead.
Love the snark, I really did. But the alcoholism/death from alcoholism related jokes were not funny. Neither were the racist references to Adrienne’s “Chinese” features or the implication that Mohammed is a pedophile. Where did you get that? I’ve seen nothing about him that suggests he likes inappropriately young girls – but I do happen to know that such slurs are very common when people want to insult someone who is Middle-Eastern. Maybe TVGasm needs to find a less ignorant writer to recap shows for them.
“Mohammed is a pedophile. Where did you get that? I’ve seen nothing about him that suggests he likes inappropriately young girls”
There’s your joke lady…
“. . . not funny . . . the implication that Mohammed is a pedophile. ”
He fucks girls young enough to be his granddaughters, if that fact has escaped you, and he does it in his creepy sex chamber which we saw on a previous season was hidden behind secret panels. Everybody gets the joke, except you, and nobody is accusing him of being an actual pedophile. Only you know, but I suspect that if the same remarks were made about the same kind of guy who just did not happen to be Middle-Eastern, that you would not have a stick up your ass about it.
Yes, a much less ignorant writer must be cast for this highly sensitive, intelligent and educational subject matter. When one starts being insulting toward reality show participants, who deserve the utmost respect, it crosses the line.
Pri- you must be new here, because Flipit RUNS the site…he’s not going to kick himself off this blog! Plus nobody would want him to, besides you. He’s Fucking hilarious!
You should probably find another site that doesn’t offend your precious sensibilities.
Pri – you didn’t think those things were funny. Some of us did.
“Love the snark, I really did.”
Um, hun, I’m not so sure you understand what snark IS.
Although it really made my day reading that you wanted the snarktastic head-cheese-in-charge of Tvgasm replaced with a kinder, gentler recapper. Tee hee!
I do understand what snark is, actually. I just forgot that the Internet is full of idiots who decide “snark” is whatever masks their bigotry!
Amazing recap, as always. Um, all I have to say about this episode is that I hate adults being invited to, and expected to attend a child’s bday party. Yeah, if your friend has kids around the same age, invite their kid, and suggest they stay for a drink or something. Other than that, leave people out of your kid’s celebration. They don’t want to come.
@Pri…’I do understand what snark is, actually. I just forgot that the Internet is full of idiots who decide “snark” is whatever masks their bigotry!’
CHILD PLEASE! The only bigot I see around here is YOU! You can’t make fun of a cradle robber because he’s middle eastern? Only an ignorant bigot would make that distinction. If you’re like 100yrs old & you ‘date’ women who are like 20…the pedo jokes are sure to come. No one is accusing him of being an ACTUAL pedo so if you DO understand snark..maybe your snark radar is off since you don’t get the joke. A stick up one’s ass is known to make one’s snark radar malfunction. You may want to have that looked into.
Flipit, like his faithful readers, hates people of all races, creeds, colors, religions, & sexualities. If you’re a fucking idiot or a dumb ass bitch on reality tv, your nationality has nothing to do with you being an asshole that we take pleasure in ridiculing. So there’s that.
If you don’t have a sense of humor about the idiots who entertain us around these here parts…SURELY you know of other places that’s more to your liking. We definitely won’t be begging you to stay around. ESPECIALLY when you’re insulting the Master! Toodles!