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Yoli is kinda mortified by all the rubber faces around town. Saying that out loud in front of cameras means that she’s got enough money not to give a flying frick what the rubberiest of all thinks about her.
Yoli would rather try to feel young by always fucking older more wrinkly people than herself and eating healthily. After all, why inject botulism into yourself and die young when you can attach yourself to a rich misogynist and deal with his endless rants about how women should act until you die of old age? Fuck that. Bring on the botox, the twinks and the post Ben and Jerry binge laser fat removal, thanks.
She’s invited Lisa and Kyle over for some “staying young without supporting Paul Maloof’s business” tips, and the leader of the informative lunch will be none other than Suzanne Somers, who ruined Three’s Company with her shitty attitude and early escape. No one messes with Janet Wood, Suzanne Somers! NO ONE!!
I’ve seen this flake on numerous talk shows spouting her New Age vitamin pill popping insanity, so I’m excited. She’s about to announce that vitamins do, in fact, work. The proof is that she’s pregnant in her fifties.
Best thing to wash down thirty vitamins? A Big Mac.
Yolanda points out that Suzanne is the most positive person she knows. Well sure, replies ole Suz, her glass is always half full! Of Dr. Pepper and blended up french fries. Why the fuck shouldn’t she be happy?
They sit down to taste Yolanda’s home made cat food and the bellinis she made with peaches she drew herself. Suzanne says Yoli is the classiest woman ever. At her wedding there were so many stars!! Bocelli was amazing, and then you turn around and there’s Cloris Leachman! Yolanda politely declines to point out that it wasn’t Cloris, it was her ex husband MoHam.
Kyle has read Suzanne’s Somer’s books for years, but Lisa has no idea who the hell this bitch is, and there’s no way she’s taking forty pills a day. Suz goes on about how she’s gonna live to be 110 and feels amazing because of her regimen, but Lisa won’t swallow. “Just ask my husband.” LOL.