Besides, what if you do take 40 pills a day and live to be a hundred and ten? The only bitch you’ll know that’s still living is fucking Suzanne Somers? What’s the point of that? Just eat something and die young and semi good looking, people.
The thought of boning at age 110 is enough to make Lisa stop eating her cat food, and she says that she’s running fine and doesn’t need pills. Suzanne asks about her sex life. Lisa clams up. No one wants to imagine Ken naked, even her.
Brandi is arriving at class to learn to host Brandi’s Night School for Girls. If she would actually go to night school, she might have a chance at life. She’s never been a stripper, but once Eddie tried to save their marriage by having a stripper pole installed in their bedroom. That didn’t work, so he found a bi-polar alcoholic anorexic has been to install in his bedroom instead.
The class is semi awkward to watch, but it’s peaceful too, in a way. Especially The Stripper’s Prayer.
Dear Lord, please help me to freeze of the warts I can change,
And accept the herpes I cannot.
Once Brandi learns to “give her body up to the pole,” (yes, that’s the real expression) she takes to it like a fish to tartar sauce. Shocker.
Kyle is throwing a sixth grade graduation for the brat she conceived to compensate for not booking an extra roll on Friends back in the day. Faye is here! Adrienne is here (and treating her husband like total shit as usual)! It’s like a who’s who of Cabbage Patch Dolls with acid thrown in their faces.
Adrienne tells us how haaaard it’s been! Her secret being outed has just WRECKED her and embarrassed her children! Thankfully, she now has a homely twink addict to embarrass them instead. But that’s jumping to the future.
For now, Ad is thanking Faye for standing up for her at that dinner party and calling Brandi the piece of trash that she is. Kyle pats Faye on the head and assures Ad that Faye went above and beyond. Adrienne nods and says the passion came from Faye really believing in the cause. So Faye really believes that you didn’t use a surrogate, or what? I don’t get it. How could anyone think that? You punish them by refusing them sugar cubes, for chrissakes!
Adrienne has trashed Brandi enough, so she eats her tiny cube of chicken and leaves. Then Kyle gives a speech about her brat and I don’t give a crap unless a semi is about to crash through the house and run all these fools over. FF.