Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Feminism Chokes On a Lemon

67 Comments

1. 1
   SquareHead
   Posted January 29, 2013 at 12:58 am

   ROFL great job Flipit. Love the Not Giggy riff! And the best part of the show….NO TAYLOR! WOO FUCKING WOOOOO!

2. 2
   Tmurda
   Posted January 29, 2013 at 4:44 am

   Uh, “sixth grade graduation!? Huh? Is high school 7th-12th grade in Cali? Was is a “Graduating to your next year of middle school” party? I’m so confused. Is junior high not 6th-8th grade? Someone please explain.

3. 3
   WarOnTara
   Posted January 29, 2013 at 4:57 am

   In some cities, jr high starts at 7th grade. So basically they were throwing a party because her daughter made it out of elementary school.

4. 4
   smango
   Posted January 29, 2013 at 5:08 am

   I haven’t read the recap yet, but I have to post my thoughts before I forget them (thanks for having this up already!!)

   Marisa’s mom looks like the OLD Lea Thompson in Back to the Future… the “saved” old, at the end of the movie, after Marty has made their lives better. I don’t think I can enter a picture, but google it… That’s all I could think about whilst watching her scene.

   I have started fast-forwarding through the Holy Yoli domestication lessons. Oh my lord they are boring… and a bit patronizing. I like her because of her infrequent one-liners (They’ll F your husband for a Chanel bag), but they are so infrequent, maybe they would be best-saved for the “HA! We got you to stop ffw-ing through the commercials but we’re not really back” moment of the show.

   Sixth grade graduation? Really? I think its lovely that Umansky-Richards clan is so family oriented, but geez. When they were toasting her “accomplishment” at the party, I seriously expected them to whip out the keys to a Rolls Royce to bestow upon her. And, Sophia is a very old looking sixth grader. How old are kids in sixth grade? 11? Apart from the braces, she looked about 16.

   I’m going to read now.

5. 5
   smango
   Posted January 29, 2013 at 5:09 am

   @Squarehead – I didn’t even realize Taylor wasn’t on until I saw your comment!!!

6. 6
   Adrianna
   Posted January 29, 2013 at 6:21 am

   @Tmurda I had a 6th grade graduation in New Jersey and it was considered a big deal because you were leaving a school you attended since kindergarten and entering a new school that was 7th-12th grade. There was a ceremony that we had to rehearse for a week with awards and little diplomas and everything. I always thought junior high was only 7th-8th grade and found it very weird when some schools did 6th-8th.

7. 7
   Wills
   Posted January 29, 2013 at 6:35 am

   Yup didn’t miss Taylor one bit…and my goodness Yoli does love her lemons. They are freakin’ all over the place. Twitch is a hot mess!

8. 8
   RTVfan
   Posted January 29, 2013 at 7:01 am

   At the stripper pole class, that teacher looked so familiar. Then it hit me — wasn’t she in the movie Singles? I cannot think of her name. Ugh, failed actresses teaching stripping while calling it spiritual. Barf.

9. 9
   cloudsinmycoffee
   Posted January 29, 2013 at 7:11 am

   @RTVfan – OMG that’s Debbie Hunt! I could die, I looooved “Singles”, and wow she looks so different to me!

10. 10
    RTVfan
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 7:20 am

    Yes! One of the best parts of that movie was that video she made for the dating service. Now I have to go YouTube that. So hysterical!

11. 11
    emilt714
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 7:21 am

    It’s like a who’s who of Cabbage Patch Dolls with acid thrown in their faces.

    BRAVA! Kyle was semi tolerable this episode but that whole grad party was BEYOND awkward. Poor kid looked so uncomfortable and holy hell Mauri and his dad are twinsies!

12. 12
    bravoaddict
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 7:21 am

    The stripping teacher was Sheila Kelley aka Aunt Carol Rhodes from Gossip Girl! I was dying trying to place where I knew her from!

13. 13
    emilt714
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 7:29 am

    And did anyone notice the stripper teacher was lily’s sis from gossip girl?!

14. 14
    mere2142
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 7:31 am

    So Paul and Ad leave Kyle’s kids party because people started talking about Brandi and that’s not what it is about. Um dumbass – it was your BFF Faye who brought it up. Ugh these people hurt my head.

15. 15
    Mk
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 8:50 am

    @smango you are so right! That’s hilarious. Lorraine McFly….even the clothes!

16. 16
    myfavoritesunglasses
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 9:23 am

    No joke, there’s a video on the Bravo site called “Not Just For Lemonade” where Yoli shows all of the ways you can use lemons in your house. Bitch is crazy for lemons!

17. 17
    Classy Drunk
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 9:45 am

    Tmurda…junior high is 7th and 8th grade. Middle school is 6th-8th grade. I started out at junior high but when I was in 8th grade they brought in the 6th graders and my school changed to a middle school.

18. 18
    Classy Drunk
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 9:50 am

    Wasn’t Marisa’s mom the best! I loved her. Why are the mom’s of the housewives the best part of the show!!!

    Ok…I am going to read the recap now…promise.

    Another thing I notice is that captcha doesn’t eat your messages anymore so now there are no angry captcha messages. While I am happy it doesn’t eat messages I do miss the angry hate messages captcha used to get.

19. 19
    Holyterror
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 10:29 am

    I’m just so glad I’ve never come anywhere close to seeing my mother’s vagina, tampon or not.

    THANK YOU, GOD. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

20. 20
    Holyterror
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 10:35 am

    No one should get 1) a party or 2) any kind of expensive present for doing anything less than graduating high school — I’d like to make it college, but I’ve had a few drinks, and I’m feeling generous.

    NO gifts, PERIOD, for just turning any age — it leads flakes like Trailor to give a 4 year old a diamond, and makes me perpetually wonder where my gifts are for getting bigger and hairier and lower to the ground.

21. 21
    labowner
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 11:02 am

    Sorry Holyterror, but they celebrate graduating from the first grade now. Everything a kid does is celebrated as a monumental achievement. I recall being tolerated by my parents when I was growing up.

22. 22
    NotAlway'sPerfekt
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 11:31 am

    Holyterror@19 Hil.Ar.I.Ous!

23. 23
    dizzygirl
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 12:13 pm

    Maybe I am a prude? My 3 kids…2 boys 20 and 15 , 1 girl 18.. HAVE NEVER SEEN MY VAGINA EVER. WTF? My daughter, when she was 3, found a box of pads once and thought they were extra big band aids…but NEVER ONCE have they seen my vagina with a tampon string hanging…hell my husband of 24 yrs has never seen that come to think of it…ok back to recap..

    captcha code….it is different..well it sure the f*ck is!!

24. 24
    Classy Drunk
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 12:30 pm

    Agreed. I’ve never seen my mom’s vag. Are they walking around the house stark nekkid on their cycle or are they just letting their children in the bathroom with them. That’s all I can think of.

    I mean if there was an actual graduation I could see there being a party, but other than that I can’t see why there’s any acknowledgement because someone went from 6th grad to 7th grade.

    And that little girl looked like she was at least in 11th grade. #truestory

25. 25
    a
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 12:41 pm

    Looks like Miss Adrienne I’d never sell a story to a tabloid Maloof is the cover girl of a magazine you would find by the register at the local No Frills (or at least thats where I saw it). The headline was something about Brandi destroyed/hurt/betrayed the Maloof children. But calling Brandi a drug addict and a bitch has no effect on her children?!
    What a delusional whore. I only hope that Brandi and Paul realize that they are in love, marry and then Brandi can be Adrienne’s childrens stepmother. Oh Karma – I beg of thee….

26. 26
    ohralphie
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 12:43 pm

    comment by ‘a’ is mine btw…

27. 27
    Classy Drunk
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    @ohralphie, gotta make sure you get that commentgasm credit!

28. 28
    spababe
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 1:21 pm

    Where I live Junior High is 7th and 8th grade. The kids do graduate from 6th.

29. 29
    KJN
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 1:21 pm

    I agree. Graduation ceremonies/parties for anything less than high school/college=ridic. We never had anything like that and thankfully they didn’t do it at my daughter’s school either. I think I would’ve puked.

    Where I went to school up to 6th grade was elementary school, 7th and8th were junior high, 9th-12th high school. My daughter’s was different. Up to 4th grade was elementary, 5th-8th middle school, the rest high school.

    But, the class of ’88 got screwed the year we went into what was supposed to be junior high. Our town was basically dying, with families leaving and mostly retirees coming, so they eliminated our junior high. We had been looking forward to having a whole school with just two classes in it. Instead we were little tiny freshman throw into the big scary high school.

    The class of ’84 were juniors at the time so we had them in our school for two years before they graduated. They were the wildest, meanest, BIGGEST (these guys were HUGE!) class ever. It was so scary and the poor little guys in our class got it good.

    Funny thing is, a few years later I ended up hanging out and partying with those guys all the time and married the brother of one of them.

30. 30
    crankyguy
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 1:39 pm

    When I was in public school, the graduation ceremonies were really for getting to leave the building. You could spend first through sixth grades in the same building, so at the end of sixth grade, there was a ceremony. Same for the middle/junior high school building and high school building. Now, I have nieces and nephews in private schools who have a ceremony for EVERY fuckin’ grade, because they are just so fuckin’ SPECIAL.

31. 31
    wasabipeas
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    I liked drunk Kim better.

32. 32
    featherhead
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 1:55 pm

    Anyone else think that Twitch is getting a nose job to score the good drugs? I’ve noticed that it actually moves as she talks. It twitches, lol!

33. 33
    crankyguy
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 2:20 pm

    Regarding how many of a mother’s parts her child should be allowed to view, I seem to remember from a previous season that Vyle had her kids all gathered around to witness her having her pudendum debushed.

34. 34
    Holyterror
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 2:56 pm

    My mother never even said the word “vagina” in my presence until I was over 40.

    There’s a healthy upbringing for ya.

35. 35
    Rosemary's Baby
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 4:59 pm

    Kim drives me nuts. I find her so irritating when she speaks (or tries to) that I just want to reach through my TV and throttle her. I don’t know if she’s inarticulate or brain-damaged, but she is one weird woman.

36. 36
    Robin
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 6:04 pm

    I used to wait until my Mom got in the bathtub, then I would come in and sit on the can to discuss things with her. She was a captive audience. She welcomed those little mother daughter talks.

    Fast forward to my early teen yrs when I would wait till she got into the tub to ask her for money, because I knew she would give up and tell me to go ahead and take it from her wallet and leave her alone while she is trying to take a bath!

    BTW she was naked when she took baths. I also saw her naked preparing her bath, but I don’t ever remember seeing anything falling out of her vag.

37. 37
    Lola Says
    Posted January 29, 2013 at 7:59 pm

    I KNEW that was aunt carol rhoads teaching the pole work!!!

    I love me some B but we ‘re sawing sawdust about Eddie/Leann… You’re not acting tough by talking about it alllll the time.

    Vyle was so rude at the party, after Estella made her sweet grandparent speech. Enter Kyle, “SPEAKING of grandparents…” ::sniffsniff:: and make it all about her. What a bitch.

    I am loving Yoli more and more… (Move over, Goopy!) But not that bathing suit!

    Kim is a delightful crazy mess. Honestly, would any of you trust Dr Schnoz to handle your beak?
    Kim’s spirit animal is Jerri Blank from Strangers with Candy… Twitchy twins!

    Can. NOT. Wait. For next week! Cam gone wild! And getting shushed by Yoli!

38. 38
    myfavoritesunglasses
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 10:38 am

    I’ll be honest .. when Kyle told basically the EXACT same story that Brandi had just told, but with changed nicknames for their girly parts, I assumed she was being a lying liar who lies. To me it was a one-upper type move .. but maybe I just hate her too much to see her objectively.

39. 39
    Angela
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 2:39 pm

    I think the best part of the dreaded tampon conversation was Lisa’s comment about there also being a For Sale sign down there. Love my Lisa!

    Oh, and hey, if everyone wants to stop talking about Brandi and Ad, here’s a tip – stop bringing it up. I am looking at YOU Vyle.

40. 40
    labowner
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 4:39 pm

    Does Suzanne Sommers not believe in Spanx?

41. 41
    PepperIsBoss
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 5:01 pm

    really? we’re questioning the reality of the tampaxed vaj showing? please. these people throw parties for everything and anything, like 6th grade “graduation”. i’m sure as shit that has now extended to a monthly party in honor of aunt flo’s arrival. and since you can’t have a party w/o the guest of honor, good ol’ tampax is front an center – that is, until a lawsuit is mentioned or it’s kyles white (people) party.

42. 42
    annie
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 5:34 pm

    OK I dont have kids….but WTF is with this “graduation” thing for every grade???? Pre-School graduation, Kindergarden Graduation, 6th grade……so stupid! Congrats, your kid isn’t a total moron who has mastered fingerpainting, and can now move onto crayons. YAY! Now, by the time the kid gets to the High School graduation, they’ve already had 4 so they arent going to think it’s a big deal. Enough of this madness already.

    Ugh…..isn’t “female empowerment via poledancing” so 2006? Speaking of Brandi, shuuuuuuut up about Eddie already. Take a cue from Camille and just insert little embarassing jabs about him into random conversations and just move on.

43. 43
    labowner
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 5:40 pm

    Annie we know some men have a type they are attracted to. Brandi and LeAnn aren’t much different. Poor Brandi when she realizes this.

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    annie
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 5:42 pm

    @lab…….YES! good point!

45. 45
    AmyOops
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 5:43 pm

    Well I’m finally out of the hospital again…yay! Glad to be back, and I just wanted to agree with Flipit about how it might be fun to hate on Camille again, not that I actually began truly liking her. Next week looks like fuuun.

46. 46
    Robin
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 5:52 pm

    How are they the same?

    LeeAnn screwed around on her hubby and left him for somebody elses husband. Nothing like Brandi.

    LeeAnn if fugly. Nothing like Brandi

    LeeAnn goes to the tabloids to pretend to make nice to the woman who’s husband she took and claims to want to be “One Happy Family”. Brandi doesn’t even pretend to be nice.

    LeeAnn can’t sing. Brandi can’t either. OK there ya go. They are alike in one way….

    Robin

47. 47
    annie
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 6:05 pm

    @Robin……youre right on those accounts, but I think Brandi and Leanne have similar personalities of enjoying drama (and the aftermath), and being general shit-stirrers.

48. 48
    annie
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 7:10 pm

    oh, @Amy….welcome back!!!!!! Hope you are feeling better!

49. 49
    Robin
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 8:02 pm

    @annie

    I promise I am not trying to be contrary. I agree with you that Brandi can be a shit stirrer. Her problem is that she has trouble with the aftermath. I don’t think she enjoys it at all. She opens mouth, inserts foot and THEN regrets what happens afterward.

    This LeeAnn person knows what the aftermath will be, and counts on it.

    TC, Robin

50. 50
    Robin
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 8:03 pm

    LEMONS !!!! for the #50

51. 51
    SarahRita
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 10:45 pm

    Was I the only one who didn’t even know Kyle had a daughter in 6th grade?! I knew she had a bunch of daughters, but I thought they were all in high school and up, and then there was little one. All I did for my college graduation was down tequila shots before and after the ceremony, and then moved on with my life. But what do I know…I don’t have the money or the need to want to throw a celebration for every single achievement someone makes, a simple pat on the back and a shot of tequila works just fine:)

    I think Kyle, The Morally Corrupt Faye, Maurice, and Adrienne are all little ugly trolls who need to go live under a bridge at Shut Up Mountain. I would include Paul, but I have always had a soft spot for him, and I feel that he is just being manipulated and pushed around by Adrienne. I used to love Adrienne, and the fact that even though she has real money, she never boasted about it, but now I see that she just threatens people with it, she really is just awful.

    Failor is still a failer even though she wasn’t on this episode, and I still love Brandi and Lisa. Yolanda is starting to grow on me, but I think it is just because she is in her own little perfect world of boring, and sometimes it is just nice to take a break from all the horribleness. Sorry for the tangent, I just got out of my night class, and my mind was still racing.

52. 52
    kassel
    Posted January 30, 2013 at 11:07 pm

    Love your take on Kyle.

53. 53
    labowner
    Posted January 31, 2013 at 9:06 am

    Welcome back Amy.

    Robin, one would think if Brandi really regretted what she says, she would learn to filter herself for the sake of her children. Now her kids friends will be teasing them about moms vagina rejuvenation surgery.

54. 54
    featherhead
    Posted January 31, 2013 at 11:26 am

    Kim’s now trying to sell some merchandise. She thinks her incorherent mumblings are actually catch phrases. Mmmm Humm as Pheadra would say. Here’s the link for the rest of you “slut pig’s”

    http://kimrichards.spreadshirt.com/

55. 55
    crankyguy
    Posted January 31, 2013 at 11:34 am

    @featherhead, holy shit on a golden spatula. She wants $20 for a dog tag that says “blah, blah, blah.”

56. 56
    dizzygirl
    Posted January 31, 2013 at 11:54 am

    @featherhead wow is all I can say…love and light and slut pigs? way to keep it classy there Twitch…I would buy a shirt that said Twitch on it though… we should come out with our own line here….

57. 57
    labowner
    Posted January 31, 2013 at 12:10 pm

    Cranky – Iphone cases, not dog tags.

    What man is going to where a slut pig shirt?

58. 58
    annie
    Posted January 31, 2013 at 12:19 pm

    @Robin….no worries I see exactly what you mean. But my question to Brandi, is if she causes drama, and regrets it, why does she keep doing it?????

    @featherheaad……haha! Thanks for that link! Kim trying to schlep stuff….aye aye aye. sign me up for the slut pigs shirt ASAP (groan)

59. 59
    crankyguy
    Posted January 31, 2013 at 12:32 pm

    @labowner, I just stared at it in disbelief, and it looked like a dog tag. That’s what I get for not reading the description. Okay, then — it’s a bargain.

60. 60
    labowner
    Posted January 31, 2013 at 12:36 pm

    Cranky – I think the whole is for the camera. As I don’t own an “I “anything I can’t say for sure. I am surprised there isn’t a “You stole my house” shirt. Or did I scroll by that one?

61. 61
    featherhead
    Posted January 31, 2013 at 1:53 pm

    I knew you guys would appreciate her website! She is so delusional! I agree – the Gasm should come up with our own line. We’re funny as hell!

62. 62
    dizzygirl
    Posted January 31, 2013 at 2:16 pm

    We need a line…like seriously… I would wear “return to Twitch Mountain” with a childhood pic of Twitch and “You stole my G*d damm House! ” with Twitch finger pointing in the back of the limo…what about a t shirt with a silk screened “neck scarf she wore all last season….and Brandi’s STFU Gate….and Adrienne’s “you just watch!!”or CHARACTER ASSASSINATION!’ ” or my fave ..The Morally Corrupt Faye Rancid…we have SO much material to work with… or Brandi’s “He was the love of my life” with a pic of Eddie with a circle and line slashed thru him like a no smoking sign…. oh the possibilities!!

63. 63
    AmyOops
    Posted January 31, 2013 at 9:23 pm

    Aw, thanks @labowner and @annie I’m hoping for a miracle “fix-it”!

64. 64
    Clare S
    Posted January 31, 2013 at 10:45 pm

    Ok I just read an article in a British tabloid ( the Sun aka the trashiest paper in the world)that quoted Brandi talking about liking to “hook up” with her girlfriends. She said Eddie used to like to watch and sometimes her friends boyfriends or husbands would like to watch. She said it turned Eddie on. Is it possible that Adriene participated and that’s really the big secret? Maybe Adriene is gay or bi and won’t admit it? Is Sean Stewart just for publicity?

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    Robin
    Posted January 31, 2013 at 11:14 pm

    If Adriene was trying to clean up a scandal like that, she surely wouldn’t pick Sean Stewart to link arms with in public…

    Robin

66. 66
    Clare S
    Posted January 31, 2013 at 11:30 pm

    @ robin I don’t know I just keep trying to reconcile surrogacy with how over the top Paul and Adriene acted at Maurice’s party. Could the truth be that Paul and Adriennes marriage was a sham from the beginning? Remember Brandi said something at the reunion about who was really married or something like that? I think Sean Stewart is washed up but I also thought hair glitter went out of fashion when disco died….

67. 67
    MarianMoney
    Posted February 1, 2013 at 3:39 am

    Vagina= inner sheath, anyone sees one, they need a mining hat. When did Hi Klass society start calling labia vaginas?

    surrogacy?= the real scandal is that the mother was an illegal kept in the basement, and Ad wore a fake belly in public. She was afraid Lisa was going to break this story. The divorce scandal is over who is the bio parent of these kids, Ad or Paul.