Welcome back to The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills!
We open where we left off; Adrienne just used her Selma and Patty Simpson voice to call attention to Kim Twitch Richard’s crying and then Brandi told her to STFU. AT THE DINNER TABLE!!! Kyle’s mortified! Mortified I tell you!! Or she’s trying to keep the face skin from the immigrant teenage hooker she had implanted on so it can meld to her face properly.
I didn’t hear a thing. I just don’t want my fucking new fucking skin to fucking fall off.
Ad doesn’t get the big deal. So she’s screaming that Twitch is crying, meh! Twitch doesn’t care!! She always does this when she has to look at Ad up close!
Twitch is just trying to get to the bathroom in hopes of finding a countertop made out of mirror, and Brandi is following behind her chirping that everyone at that table wants to see her fail. Ditch the divorce book and write a general pick me up. Maybe a Chicken Soup for the Drunk Washed Up Soul or some shit, where ex child stars can wake up positive and then wanna jump off a cliff after reading stuff like “The sun is out and it illuminates how little everyone likes you.”
Back at the table, Kyle is just fucking shocked that fucking Brandi said the fucking f word! She seriously says fuck like ten times and it’s hilarious. Lisa shrugs it off, because if no one’s noticed, that’s just kinda how Brandi talks. You can’t get mad at Mexicans for still using the word HOLA after 2004 cuz it’s their language. You can, however, resent RHONY’s Heather for it. I forgot my point.
Shut the fuck up, Heather.
Kyle is super pissed that Lisa keeps defending villainous Brandi, and Lisa reminds us why she feels Brandi might need defending.
Fuck you slut pig!
Kyle points out that screaming the f word and calling Brandi a slut was different because they weren’t in a restaurant where busboys could hear them. Odd rules in BevHills. Kyle won’t let it go, and keeps repeating herself until Lisa admits that saying the f word deserves the death penalty. Lisa, eyes a rolling, agrees while reminding Kyle that Brandi was defending Twitch. Kyle doesn’t have to pretend she’s’ a good sister when Kim’s not on camera, so she ignores Lisa and says again how fucking embarrassed she is that fucking Brandi said fuck. She seriously keeps saying fuck and it’s killing me.
Yolanda is starting up now, too, asking “who talkto nudder vooman dayt vay?!?” Ad, not an original thought in her gelatinous brain, starts repeating “who talks to another woman like that?” over and over. Classy women try to ruin reputations and turn towns against their enemies! They don’t curse!!