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Tuesday, December 4, 2012
12:38 am
42 Comments
Tagged: adrienne maloof, andy cohen, brandi glanville, bravo, bravotv, camille grammer, comedy, episode 4, flipit, full episode, funny, improv, io west, kim richards, kyle richards, lisa vanderpump, parody, real housewives of beverly hills, recap, redub, rhobh, ronnie karam, Season 3, spoof, taylor armstrong, tvgasm, ucb, voice over, watch what crappens, Yolanda Foster
Brandi says what I just said, but in a much nicer way. Fail rolls her eyes tells us that she was almost skinned alive and turned into a lampshade by her monster of an ex husband when she overcooked a pizza once, while Brandi just got dumped for a younger woman. “Is that a whole book?”
Well, if not, she’s probably learned by now to make up a whole bunch of shit to turn it into one.
Holyanda is all up in arms. “Howcan dee vimins talkzdo eachudders lige deez?!?” Huh? You learn to talk, then maybe we’ll all follow suit, k ya high fallutin bitch? Hey Yolanda, SHUT THE FUCK UP. If anyone needs to apologize here, it’s you. Call every East Texas hillbilly man and apologize for stealing their haircuts.
Kyle, to us, says “Yolanda. Darling. NO ONE IS LISTENING TO YOU.” Because right now? At this moment? Acting like a lady at the dinner table is totally uncalled for. Man, Kyle’s Law is ever changing. Fail, meanwhile, is sniping at Brandi still, unable to let it go. Her book was about ABUSE, DAMMIT! Women die every minute from almost getting fired from reality shows and resorting to blatantly lying their husband into the loving embrace of a noose!
Yolanda, who’s about to stick a fork in Fail’s eye (politely, of course), says “Oh leddidgogoyles!!” HAAHA!! She asks us what planet these woman is from and I just smile. Oh, Yolanda. Welcome to your first season, where you’ve still got a shred of humanity. Soon, you’ll start reading twitter and watching the show and seeing what these hos will say behind your back. Then you will be hated on the street by complete strangers for reasons you can’t figure out. Slowly, you’ll start needing compliments to validate you, and products that no one needs to remind the public that you’re more than just a saggy ex model who married up. And the insecurity and the shame and neediness will water a little seed inside of you and you’ll eventually, probably by the fourth episode of your second season, blossom into a stinky, evil, thorny c word of a flower. And you will be COMPLETE. Enjoy the ride, boo!
Brandi is now squealing about how her book won’t need to choke anyone to sell copies while Fail tries to remember what her face felt like back when it had nerve endings.
Fail goes into her bs drama about how she was left in so much debt and had to write to save her baby through no fault of her own, and Brandi rolls her eyes and refrains from calling her the c word. See? She’s growing!
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42 Comments
Oh Flipit, I love you so! My whole day will be made better because I just laughed for 7 straight pages. Thank you!
Thank you for the belly laughs. Those wimmen are one hot mess. Now, when’s the pod-cast?
OT, I was heartbroken to hear that Icky and Crooks have broken up. Her love tank must be full. My all-time favorite re-dub is your RHOC reunion with Crooksy and the Ickster. I want it as my door bell, my ring-tone, the timer on my oven…..Insurance. Might as well, I must of listened to it at least a million times.
Really hating Kyle. What’s with her always siding with assholes like Failor and Adrienne? I don’t get how Lisa let’s that stumpy hag talk to her like that
Great recap! Thank you so much Flipit for bringing up how much of a bitch Kim was to Brandi that night. It irks me that she and Kyle seem to forget their mean girl cackling that started the night they met her with a heels/wedge and a cast on that was such a crime!
Where you said Yoyo will be by the 4th episode of her second season, HILARIOUS!! ‘Enjoy the ride boo!’
I was on the fence with her, more towards liking her, but her uppity-ness is getting on my nerves. Do you know what show you are on honey?!
I just kept shaking my head this episode and repeating Gaw I hate you Kyle, Ad and Taylor. Ehhh! But I really did like the scene when the ladies were cutting loose. Looked like a lot of fun to me!
Kyle is still an asshole. But, dare I say…Fail was on WWHL last night and while she seemed wasted as she kept having to be bleeped, she was almost self-aware and kinda funny. I think she’s beginning her Jill Zarin Ride to Shut Up Mountain redemption tour.
Agreed KdogATL because calling me a slut pig isn’t inappropriate because it was in someone’s house is about the lamest excuse I’ve heard for anything.
Debt? Bills to pay? I thought the raison d’être for Taylor’s book was to save lives.
Failor has gotten so FUGLY I can’t stand looking at her in HD. She looks like a dug up, warmed over zombie. I gag each time she’s one screen. And God bless the sense of humor of whoever convinced her that the hair pulled away from her face is a good style for her – bwahahaha!
The Hoof is getting more hateful, nasty, jealous, and DUMB with each minute we watch her. Remember the first season when she barely spoke, and we all thought she was classy, smart and a good person? Yeah, should have stayed mum, bitch. All this cow learned in life is to cheat, lie and backstab. And the level of un-self-awareness in her is truly epic! She’s finally completed her transformation in Tre-Ape from BH. Everything she says is OK, she does not hold grudges, she lets things go while others can’t, she’s all about friendships and supporting other women, etc. etc. ** Ouchhhhh, MASSIVE optic nerve spasm from the EYEROLL ** . I can almost hear her screaching ‘It’s a JOKE, get it?!’ Nasty, entitled piece of garbage.
I love Yolanda and Lisa. I think the reason Yo came on the show is so Lisa could have somebody in her corner – after last season when they all (sans Brandi) were after her I bet she refused to return without some support.
Vyle – by now it is clear that she ONLY cares about where the next comission may come from for Mauri, that’s why she’s sucking up to the Hoof and other rich ladies, and totally hating on Brandi. As for her tolerating Trailor – looks like she needs to have someone whom she can order around, who will do her dirty work, and who will perpetually kiss her ass. They BOTH are totally disgusting. Plus Vyle is such a fucking coward, liar and backstabber, I hope Lisa will finally put some distance between them now that she has Yo and Brandi to hang out with. She does not deserve the way Vyle talks to her, and especially about her behind her back. Fucking conniving hypocrite!!!
“The sun is out and it illuminates how little everyone likes you.”
Ouch and awesome. Back to reading.
Before I begin I am going to just throw out a COCK for old time’s sake.
Yay, Gypsy. I only wish Brandi has told Ad at the sacred table of refined dining, “What’s it gonna take for you to SHUT THE FUCK UP, bitch? Do I have to grab the waiter’s BIG COCK and stuff it in your mouth?”
‘Uh oh, Failor’s here. She’s not missing a free line.’ IDK if I need to read anymore after that b/c I can SOOOOOOOOOOO see it and I love you so hard FLIPIT!
@Crankyguy, I doubt if that would even do it but I would nominate Brandi for an EMMY if she did!
Oh man, I just laughed all the way through that whole recap. So funny and spot on.
I also really, really hate Fail and Ad. I was screaming at them to STFU the whole hour. Kyle can be so ridiculous about such petty stuff, but she can be pretty funny too, so I just kinda/sorta hate her.
Love Lisa sooo much. I don’t get why she puts up with Kyle’s crap, either. I love the way she stands up for Brandi and is really trying to help her succeed. Brandi is rough around the edges, but I think there’s a genuinely nice person in there, that has been horribly hurt and it comes out as trying to act tough. She’s not mean just to be mean (AD!).
I’ll always have a soft spot for Twitch, cause I grew up watching her in just about everything when I was a kid. She didn’t have a childhood and it’s so sad that she seems to not be that well off. I believe that Kyle DID steal her house! Bet that whole family helped themselves to her money. Kyle’s also probably jealous, cause although she acted too, Kim had a much more successful career. Poor Twitch.
I’m sorry but where in the FUCK does Brandi get off telling Kim people at the table want her to fail. Who is she talking about?
Was Lisa using an EmergenC?
@lab I do agree with you on that. Where did that come from? It’s true for Brandi, but why would she include Kim in that? I don’t know who she was meaning. Kyle, maybe? Obviously she doesn’t know Kyle well enough to know if that could possibly be true.
When YoYo was going on about there being nothing worse than drunk wummin I thought she was talking to Kim. I found it hysterical that she was saying it right to Kyles face. Oh and way to talk about being classy when you’re sprawled out on the kitchen counter! As my dad always says, tables are for glasses, not asses!
Mere I thought she was saying that in response to Taylor’s drunken behavior at their dinner table.
@ labowner: Who wants Kim to fail??? Let’s start with her reprehensible, phony sister! Then there’s Taylor and Adrienne. Brandi is straighter with Kim than Kim’s own sister!
Brandi is crass, but she isn’t the phony baloney that most of those women are, which is exactly why she doesn’t fit in. I like Yolanda too–on one level she’s a snob, but underneath it all I suspect that she’s more real than Vyle, Fail, and MaHoof. If Yola wants to backstab you, at least she’ll show you the knife first, unlike the aforementioned phonies.
This was a fun ep, good to see these bitches let loose.
Weirdly enough, Kim’s “let’s celebrate my sobriety” vacay turned out to be the drunkest I have seen these ladies. Thong sniffing, mud masturbating, arm wrasslin’ wimminz.
Thanks Flipit.
I got to thinking that Ad was a poser and her brothers were the ones that made the wheels turn in the Maloof org when she went to the Basketball game in the midst of talks to sell. She looked downright scared. Not the buisiness woman she presented herself to be.
Then, last week she about pissed herself when she met with Lisa. She stuttered and fidgeted with the things on the table. Couldn’t make eye contact. I could not picture her in a boardroom with investors and other board members if she folds like a cheap suit when she has to face Lisa, however formidable Lisa may be..
TC< Robin
For fuck’s sake, Flipit. Taylor was fun, mostly agreeable, and she had a blast with the other women. Why two effing pages trashing her? How bout doubling up on blasting Kyle, Yoli, Ad, and the ones who were actually asshats in this episode?
Ooh I would be so fucking happy with one recap that didn’t dis Taylor…just one (or maybe two) lol?
Love ya, tho.
Taylor acted like an idiot, she have tooken Brandi’s news of her book with a grain of salt, seeing as it wasn’t nearly as close of a situation. Yolanda is intimidating, lol, she seems like she’s never seen the show and its re-freshing seeing her take everything in but I hope she’s not Lisa Vanderpump’s replacement. I miss seeing Lisa’s Glamorous old mansion though. ALOT. lol is that wierd? I wanna get to the Camille storyline this year, total bitch! is this true? i hope she puts her guard down this season and causes some sparks, hanging out with Brandi would work, and it took along time for me to realize i don’t like Kyle
When hell freezes over and Taylor quits acting like a total piece of shit, maybe she will get a good paragraph. In the meantime, she deserves every unkind word written or said about her. She is a beast.
@ KJN 13
\Love Lisa sooo much. I don’t get why she puts up with Kyle’s crap, either. I love the way she stands up for Brandi and is really trying to help her succeed. Brandi is rough around the edges, but I think there’s a genuinely nice person in there, that has been horribly hurt and it comes out as trying to act tough. She’s not mean just to be mean (AD!).
I’ll always have a soft spot for Twitch, cause I grew up watching her in just about everything when I was a kid. She didn’t have a childhood and it’s so sad that she seems to not be that well off. I believe that Kyle DID steal her house! Bet that whole family helped themselves to her money. Kyle’s also probably jealous, cause although she acted too, Kim had a much more successful career. Poor Twitch.\
I tots agree. I think Brandi is a nice person and doesn’t pretend to put on airs like some of the others. She tells like it is but she doesn’t have the clout in BH to get away with that.
I grew up watching Twitch, too. I think you hit the nail on the head. Makes me sad to think her family might have done that and may have contributed to her addiction. I really hope she succeeds with her recovery this time.
I don’t think Camille’s a regular this season. Is she featured in the intro? Does she have a tag line?
Ad’s nervous hair adjustments when facing “conflict” are hilarious! She should have kept her mouth shut like in season one, she’s got nothing of value to add.
Taylor is an evil muppet, her and her foam rubber head need to take a hike!
Kyle is forever stuck in HS.
I really like Brandi and Lisa this season. I’ve liked Lisa since the beginning though.
Twitch? I don’t think she should be on TV, she needs more recovery time.
Who in the hell at Bravo decided we needed to see Failor ass? NOT FUNNY.
She also needs to get off my screen, she is the scariest looking human being on TV period. Why in the hell would anyone deform themselves that way? Gah!
And, I agree with Flipit and the others. Failor is an asshole and desevers every shred of snark she gets. She’s a disgusting grifter. Also if you read Flipit’s recaps they are consistently laden with Failor remarks, and have been for at LEAST 2 seasons.
He’s the recapper, his choice on what he gets to say in his recaps.
@Robin and Gypsy…WORD!
I would be heartbroken if Flipit didn’t bag on Taylor. She deserves it.
The book concepts were two totally different things and Taylor and Kyle know it. They just don’t like Brandi and so they wanted to call her a hypocrite.
@AmyOops, some times you have to take the good with the bad. I like Kim on RHOA but it seems most people don’t. I don’t ask that the recapper not diss her it’s their take on the show. I just give my opinion in the comments. That’s why they have this section for us.
Amy knowing Taylor is with a married man and breaking up a family, how can you still defend her?
2much – Both Eddie and Kelsey do not want their children filmed for the HWs franchise – thus Camille took a back seat role and Brandi is fighting with Eddie over it.
Um, Gypsy, no offense but STFU (oops…is that inappropriate?). I’ve been fucking with Flipit about Taylor for awhile now and it’s all in good fun. I do NOT appreciate being scolded by a fellow Gasmii that really ought to realize pretty much everything said on this site is snarky fun. Even my comments to Flipit.
labowner: I know nothing of what you speak, but thanks for the heads up (assuming it’s actually true and some bullshit someone put out there). Oh, and I’ve always defended her because I think it’s unconscionable to question a woman’s word on whether or not her husband, who has a previous record of violence, beat the shit out of her.
Classy Drunk: Thank you! After the fucking bashing I’m taking from other Gasmii it’s nice to read a kind word.
To the rest of you who were UNkind: We all have our opinions and I don’t jump down your throats when we disagree. I tease Flipit and guess what? He laughs at me. It’s a goddammed snark site.
I’m sure this will make some of you happy: My normally cheerfull disposition is temporarily no longer so cheerful. It sucks to have people I usually adore bash me.
Thanks to those who haven’t shit on my opinion.
Anyone else…take your venom out on the T & T moms…not one of your own.
Amy she admits she is dating John her lawyer. I understand your defending a battered woman. I am not trying to bash you at all. From a recent article:
“RadarOnline.com was first to report that Taylor was hooking up with her married attorney, who has subsequently separated from his wife. Both Armstrong and Bluher vehemently denied they were romantically involved but Taylor has since come clean about the affair, gushing that the father-of-three is the “love of my life.”
Thank you, labowner. You’ve always been a cool cat (er, no pun intended lol). I really try not to judge someone on shit like that cos we soooo don’t know the whole story. I recognize your right to do so, though
Ironically, recapping and commenting about the Real Housewives has TURNED US INTO THEM
We are the Real Housewives of ‘Gasm.
We argue, cry, laugh, hate, support, talk shit, but at the end of the day we love each other
Love it Annie! You are so right. Is Flipit our Andy Cohen?
lmao Classy Drunk, yes!!
I just wish we could all go on an awesome vacay like these bitches. I am watching the Bimini ep right now.
I can’t be Andy Cohen! I would get beat up at the reunions for the mean shit I say about these dumbazzes!
Thanks for reading and fighting! The best part of recapping a HW show are comment wars about stupid shit. LOL. AmyOops, I love you girl. And I want you to know that every single time I go on an anti Failor tirade I think “Ooooh, Oops gone be PISSED!” And it makes me all warm inside. Heheh.
Love to you guys. Monday is gonna be a firestorm I can’t WAIT!
Oh, Flipit, you son of a…lolol! Thanks for the (bonus) laugh.
I can’t wait for the drama either. The looks on Brandi and Taylor’s faces when Paul when decided to be a total douchnozzle was absofuckinglutely priceless. The full ep should be even better [evillaughingflyonthewallhorns]!
Ahhhhhhhhhh Amy you can STFU, I don’t think what I wrote warranted such a response but so be it.
I had no idea you and Flipit were besties so, excuuuuuuuuuuuuse me.
Going forward I just won’t read, reply, respond to you. Problem solved.
Why didn’t anyone take this opportunity to use “slut pig”?
Well ClassY, ‘WHO TALKS TO A WOMAN LIKE THAT???”
I come to TVGasm to read the comments to restore my faith in humanity. Thanks all.
Oh Gypsy, puh-leeze! You broke a cardinal Gasmii rule and attacked (or insulted, whatever you prefer) another member. I was blown away by the hostility you aimed directly at me in your comment. Feel free to ignore me lol. I hold no ill will, though, so I’m not seeing a “problem”. If I remember correctly you’re normally a decent sort…you just offended the HELL out me and I responded, naturally. I don’t like to hold these thing in – it’s bad for you. So is holding a grudge
Dammit Classy! Nooow you suggest a hilarious usage of “slut pig”! Where were you when all this began lolol.