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Brandi says what I just said, but in a much nicer way. Fail rolls her eyes tells us that she was almost skinned alive and turned into a lampshade by her monster of an ex husband when she overcooked a pizza once, while Brandi just got dumped for a younger woman. “Is that a whole book?”
Well, if not, she’s probably learned by now to make up a whole bunch of shit to turn it into one.
Holyanda is all up in arms. “Howcan dee vimins talkzdo eachudders lige deez?!?” Huh? You learn to talk, then maybe we’ll all follow suit, k ya high fallutin bitch? Hey Yolanda, SHUT THE FUCK UP. If anyone needs to apologize here, it’s you. Call every East Texas hillbilly man and apologize for stealing their haircuts.
Kyle, to us, says “Yolanda. Darling. NO ONE IS LISTENING TO YOU.” Because right now? At this moment? Acting like a lady at the dinner table is totally uncalled for. Man, Kyle’s Law is ever changing. Fail, meanwhile, is sniping at Brandi still, unable to let it go. Her book was about ABUSE, DAMMIT! Women die every minute from almost getting fired from reality shows and resorting to blatantly lying their husband into the loving embrace of a noose!
Yolanda, who’s about to stick a fork in Fail’s eye (politely, of course), says “Oh leddidgogoyles!!” HAAHA!! She asks us what planet these woman is from and I just smile. Oh, Yolanda. Welcome to your first season, where you’ve still got a shred of humanity. Soon, you’ll start reading twitter and watching the show and seeing what these hos will say behind your back. Then you will be hated on the street by complete strangers for reasons you can’t figure out. Slowly, you’ll start needing compliments to validate you, and products that no one needs to remind the public that you’re more than just a saggy ex model who married up. And the insecurity and the shame and neediness will water a little seed inside of you and you’ll eventually, probably by the fourth episode of your second season, blossom into a stinky, evil, thorny c word of a flower. And you will be COMPLETE. Enjoy the ride, boo!
Brandi is now squealing about how her book won’t need to choke anyone to sell copies while Fail tries to remember what her face felt like back when it had nerve endings.
Fail goes into her bs drama about how she was left in so much debt and had to write to save her baby through no fault of her own, and Brandi rolls her eyes and refrains from calling her the c word. See? She’s growing!