The girls race golf carts and giggle as I wait for someone to get pushed out and run over. It doesn’t happen. Then they play badminton. Badly. The only reason I point this out is so that I can point out Lisa’s Mormon Pissing Robes…
… and Kyle’s sudden self awareness.
A double C. On that we can agree.
This is a Kim trip, so of course there’s crazy shit planned. After golf cart races and badminton, she gets all the ladies to cover themselves in mud and do lines from The Color Purple.
You tode Harpo to beat me, dahling.
Twitch makes a toast, saying they all need to let go and let God, or some shit. She’s become a born again. You better get back in the womb, find a bottle of Stoli, and get born back! I didn’t sign up for this, Yoda! I think she’s turned on by Oprah impersonations from 90′s movies, cuz she’s rubbing herself and moaning. It’s awkward. And HILARIOUS. Long live Twitch!!
Say “I SAID, fine wit ME!” again! SAY IT AGAIN!!
The girls start throwing towels at each other, and then Holyanda ups it and throws a water pitcher at Kyle. LOL. FINALLY. I am starting to like her. Things get wacky and no one is mean. YAWN.
At dinner, the gay chef comes out to intro the food and the ladies drool all over themselves. You’d think Bravo Housewives would have a better gaydar, seeing as how we’re like 80 percent of their fanbase. Chef says that the chicken is free range, and Twitch explains that it doesn’t mean it will run off your plate and into the woods. LOL. Another gay comes out with a tacky ass bottle and explains that Ad likes it because it’s Gaultier. She says “It looks like Gaultier.” And your back. Cheers!!
Holy’s not drinking because chee broke heer bag whayn chee made babee. Huh? Bitch, you did NOT break your back. Now go back to drawing the next restaurant you wanna eat at. Stupid. She can’t drink because it will mess with her treatments. She’s injecting baby lamb stem cells into herself. I didn’t make that up. You know that baby lamb is running around the farm laughing his ass off and throwing dollar bills at people yelling about what a dumb ho he tricked. Fail says that sounds way less painful than the speed bump cement she’s currently using on her mouth. How much does it cost, and will she be able to criticize other people’s book deals with more flexibility?