The other ladies start talking about giving birth. Camille used a donkey faced nanny surrogate, and she did it just so she wouldn’t have to have these convos at dinner. Slimy ass humans coming out of your money maker? It’s just gross. Playboy models slide open their slimy legs all the time, but it’s classy to leave your work at work, I guess. Stripper manners always kill me. You learn what a salad fork is and suddenly you’re the Queen of Fucking England.
The clown music starts playing as the girls get drunker and drunker. B starts pouring shots and Twitch looks around like she’s never gotten this far in a party and she’s excited to see what’s gonna happen. Holy is sober too, so she and Twitch hightail it out of there. Twitch means to tell Brandi “I like you but I don’t love you”, and it just ends up as “I don’t like you.” HAHAH!! Thankfully, Twitch is just as lovable sober. Then she blesses them all by speaking in tongues and passes around a collection tray. Ok that’s a bit much, Twitch! Go to bed!
Everyone else is shitfaced. Fail and Brandi arm wrestle and then kiss. It’s…amazing. Alcohol gets a bad rap. If the Jews and the Muslims would just get wasted together, they could stop the drama and concentrate on putting a decent outlet mall in Jerusalem.
Your breath smells like terrible writing.
Leave it to Ad to kill the moment. Brandi challenges her to an arm wrestle. Ad says no, but B squeals “but you’re the guy!” HAHAHAHAH!!! Ad goes for it, but doesn’t seem to understand what’s happening. B puts it best when she says “Ad doesn’t understand the concept…of a lot of things.” Love it.
Brandi is now humping the carpet and doing headstands, and now everyone’s smelling Ad’s thong. Schweddy balls. I’m highly entertained, and disturbed. I just saw Camille’s vagina, Lisa’s boob, Taylor’s ass, and Kyle’s soul. It’s official. I will never stop craving penises. They start banging on the floor to wake up Holy, but it doesn’t work. This whole scene was like a montage of my mom after three hours of Canasta. I can’t wait for Christmas.
The next morning, Kim and Kyle are alone. Twitch says that the trip was fun for people who liked each other, and it didn’t change the opinions of people who didn’t like each other. She confirms to us that she means Kyle. HAHAHAH. Holy comes down and reminds them that she’s too classy to be drunk and idiotic. It takes great brains to fuck your way into wealthy marriages. Have some respect. And now for her “Dare ees nudding worzedana drunk veemen.” HAHA. Kyle follows it with “She? May wanna find a new group of friends.” We’ve seen it a zillion times in previews, and I laugh for the zillionth time.
Time to go home! Camille is impressed that Twitch didn’t get wasted on her sobriety party trip. I’m impressedipointed. In the limo, Kyle makes fun of Lisa’s accent, and Lisa tries to talk like an American. It’s pretty hilarious, cuz the only American she can really impersonate is Twitch slurring excuses. No one seems to recognize it, and Twitch laughs. I fucking love this show. Until Ad gets comfortable enough to loosen the elastic and bobby pins on the back of her scalp.
AAAAHGHGHG!! We’re still rolling! We’re still rolling!