A cookbook, a gold digger comment and an ambush later…and we’re finally rewarded with some action on the Real Housewives of New Jersey! Was Melissa a stripper? Did Teresa plant a slimeball in a strip-mall hair salon to tell the world? Did Jacquee know? How excited am I to have a recap where I’m not tempted to just make things up? Get ready to find out!
First we have Mel getting beautified by makeup artist to the stars (in their own basement) – George Miguel.
I wonder what this guy was doing before Mel picked him up?
And we waste no time at all jumping right into the drama with a phone call from Kim D. Now, I get my Jersey Kims confused. I know we have two brassy blondes who are both desperate to be on camera and as far as I’m concerned they’re interchangeable. Actually, maybe there is only one Kim. Anyway, it’s Kim D., the owner of Posche.
Poshce. Say it right.
And she’s calling Melissa to invite her to the highlight of every RHONJ season – the Posche fashion show. Last year she walked the runway, but this year she’s invited as Kim’s honored guest. But hold the sequin encrusted phone –
I am holding the sequin encrusted phone.
Mel is mad at Kim. How did this happen? Well, apparently Kim has found it necessary to run around town talking about Midge and she’s not saying nice things about how he does business. Of course Mel found out, and she’s pretty chilly to Kim.
But Kim knows we’re counting on her to make this stripper conspiracy theory a reality so she just says she’s sorry and gets Mel to agree to consider it. Perhaps she will be able to pencil it into her busy schedule of sold-out basement concerts and missing her kid’s school bus.
Let’s get Ter invited to the party. She’s at home teaching the demon seeds Italian. The Milkman’s Kid and Gia sit patiently, mentally counting the days until they’re 18. Milania, in some cute new bangs, screams at everyone. Ter tries to ask Milania how old she is and the kid’s clueless. Why don’t you ask her how to do arson? I bet you she knows that one.
It doesn’t take long for Gia to get completely annoyed and take over the lesson. Ter handily explains that she doesn’t speak actual Italian – she speaks “dialect”. Oh, that’s interesting. How many ingrediences in a dialect, by the way? I don’t even speak Italian and I probably speak it better than she does.
The doorbell rings and it’s the wicked witch with the poison apple. Otherwise known as Kim with the Posche fashion show invite. We haven’t seen Kim in a while and since the last time we did, she appears to have raided the dumpster outside Bret Michaels’ house for some discarded weave.
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