Real Housewives of New York Recap: Escape From Jurassic Miami

Recaps

By BelowSeaLevel | Thursday, August 2, 2012 | 12:01 am | 17 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Real Housewives of NYC, Recaps

I am $o happy to $ee you.

 

George mingles and attempts to attach himself to each woman.  The boner with a man without a filter has a pleasant conversation with Carole before meeting Ramona, the woman without a filter.  Too bad that Ramona is already taken because these two would be hilarious together. 

Aviva asks someone to show her father face yoga.  When Sonja shows him an exercise with her tongue inside of her cheek, Reid starts going on about it being the international blow job sign.  Something you’d like to talk about, Reid?  Sonja looks a little confused, too.  Not to be outdone or out-offensified, the Hornysaurus starts sticking out his nasty tongue.  I cringe where that thing has been, but more amazed that no one rips it out of his mouth to toss it down the disposal.  Haz-Mat units, where are you when we need you?!

Blalalalalalalala.  Damn!  Stuck in my dentures.

 

During the first course, Sonja brings up calling Harry.  George says something about him being jealous and starting a war.  It didn’t start a war, it just got Ramona stepping in to tell everyone they couldn’t talk about Harry because she would never talk about her ex-husband in front of her current husband.  That’s quite a passive aggressive dig, but at least it’s calmer than demanding Aviva get out of a pool. 

I would NEVER say anything offensive, you MF’ers!

 

The Harry argument goes on longer than it should, leading to a discussion of George’s “tricks” and Sonja’s love for Harry.  The only people that should be bothered by it–Aviva and Reid–aren’t.  They’ve been lobotomized by Ramona’s high frequency shrieking and George’s roundhouse kicks to the sensibilities.  The subject eventually changes with Aviva thanking her dad for his Kobe beef hot dog recommendation.  He definitely deserves thanks for that, all right.  How about thanking him by slapping him about the head with it?

I just took five Viagra.  Meet me under the table.

 

Ramona chafes after a second of not being the center of attention, so she goes into the kitchen to tell the caterer to skip the salad and move straight to the protein and veggie.  She’s now using contractors to impose herself on everyone.  It might have actually been a good thing, since George loudly offers to give Carole her first squirting orgasm.  Poor Mary-O had just taken a big sip and squirts wine all over everyone.  As much as George makes the skin crawl, Carole’s and Mario’s reactions were squirting hilarious. 

Mario’s version of the squirting orgasm.

 

I only offered you a squirting orgasm.  Why so uptight?

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5

Living in New Orleans, it helps to be a good swimmer.  

 

 

 

17 Comments

  1. 1
    Debbie
    Posted August 2, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    There are no words for this episode . . .

  2. 2
    Karen
    Posted August 2, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Horny George obviously didn’t get into the hot tub because he didn’t want the ladies to see his sagging bod. And BTW, Aviva said he was “tall, dark and handsome.” He’s none of those, not one.

  3. 3
    Sugarbush Sugarbush
    Posted August 2, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    I think Bravo failed to announce/warn that this week is boner week on the Real Housewives of New Whatever. After Richie’s blurred-out boner on NJ and this old man poking Sonja with his, I’m all bonered out.

  4. 4
    LastCall
    Posted August 2, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    Oy, this show is like watching a train wreck any more. It’s hard for me to even snark about , because it’s gotten downright creepy. Old man boners? Blechhh!!! Ramona is crazier than ever, Lulu will never change or evolve and is therefore boring (although I will be happy if she gets caught cheating on Jacques), Sonia has become sadly pathetic,and Heather is totally phony. I guess I like Carole and Aviva, so far. I just read soemwhere that Aviva is an attorney. Is that true, does anyone know?

  5. 5
    labowner
    Posted August 2, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    All I can say is time for a whole new crop of ladies. Ugh this is getting hard to watch. Thankfully I have American Gypsies and RHOSD (shows are only 1/2 hour) to tide me over.

  6. 6
    hot cawfee
    Posted August 3, 2012 at 8:01 am

    Can we now call Lady Morgan $onja???????????????????

  7. 7
    hot cawfee
    Posted August 3, 2012 at 8:10 am

    @4 Last Call– I think Aviva is a lawyer. I read it somewhere.

    This episode was just……..icky. On way too many levels. And my girl-crush Carole I even take you to task a little. You don’t try on earrings–pierced earrings and put the back in your mouth. Honey, I mean–please dont do that.

    However it looks like things will pick up ala Johnny Depp. YAY !!!! Will have the champers chillin’ for that!!

  8. 8
    featherhead
    Posted August 3, 2012 at 8:11 am

    Did anyone catch WWHL with the MDL – Josh Flagg and Madison? $onja was in the audience and was called upon to particapate in a game. She was all over those boys, and pretended to feed Josh and then tried to kiss him. I can just imagine he was as grossed out as I was…. Yo, Sonja he does not play for our team!! And it was gross watching a 50 year old molest a 26 year old on television.

  9. 9
    featherhead
    Posted August 3, 2012 at 8:21 am

    I meant to add – I guess George is not the only one with a pocket full of Horny Goat…

  10. 10
    LAC LAC
    Posted August 3, 2012 at 9:56 am

    @hot cawfee, I am with you on the earring thing – ewww. I hope she bought those. I don’t care if she is royalty, ear ick is ear ick.

    old man boners, cougars running around without underwear or wearing bathing suits that belong to 18 year olds – where are we, summer time at Leisure World retirement community? I need eye and ear bleach from this episode.

  11. 11
    RomoSheDiNT
    Posted August 3, 2012 at 9:56 am

    Great recap, BSL!

  12. 12
    CJ
    Posted August 3, 2012 at 10:12 am

    BSL, LOL at your “wines of Target.”

  13. 13
    BelowSeaLevel BelowSeaLevel
    Posted August 3, 2012 at 11:15 am

    I went to Aviva’s bio page and it states she earned “…a JD from The Benjamin N. Cardozo School of Law…” but isn’t a practicing attorney.

    $onja is a great name for Lady Morgan. Love each of you for hanging in while we wait for St Barts. :)

  14. 14
    Susan Meyers
    Posted August 3, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    George sounds like Jack Klompus from Seinfeld. Take the pen already!

  15. 15
    hot cawfee
    Posted August 4, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    @BSL– the shizz am gonna FLY then (there????). Its taking a long time to get this group going. Are they all going to St Barts ????

  16. 16
    BelowSeaLevel BelowSeaLevel
    Posted August 4, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    @ Hot Cawfee I’ve seen pics of everyone except Aviva on a boat, which I’m assuming was in St. Barts. However, during an interview, Ramona said Aviva became “possessed” in St. Barts, so sounds like they all went. Yay! Possessed sounds like an upgrade.

  17. 17
    hot cawfee
    Posted August 5, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    am so ready for it to all hit the fan—rubbing my hands in glee!!!!!!!!!!!
    I need get the real story on Johnny Depp and Lu (she loves when you call her that!!)

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.