Real Housewives of NYC Recap: Finale Fizzle


It’s the season 5 finale of The Real Housewives of New York City.  Last week’s episode ended with the Hornysaurus being kicked out of Ramona’s charity event for abused women after he grabbed Ramona by the arm.  Now it’s time to see what wacky catastrophe Heather’s charity fashion show to benefit organ transplant candidates can produce.  She’s off to a stumbling start asking Aviva to strut the runway.  Aviva and Ramona had a brunch brawl, and Sonja had a faceless face-to-face with her ex that left her feeling walked in the garden, but not kissing the ground.

Ping pong is serious business.

 

Carole is hosting the strangest charity event–a ping pong tournament because it’s just so cool and…ping pongy.  Lots of little bouncing balls and paddles attract a diverse crowd and the competitive spirit. 

Aviva has brought her sex addict father and introduces him as the poor 80-year-old victim of Ramona.  Carole, Heather, and Lu are quick to assure the Hornysaurus that he did the right thing against evil Ramona, as he’s forced to relive the horrors of Ramona’s fashion show fundraiser.  What’s up with “that animal” having a fundraiser for abused women when the real victim is the horny, grasping, uninvited octogenarian? 

What kind of ping pong is she playing?

 

Carole assures Aviva and George that if Ramona starts stuff, it’s going to be a problem, and Carole will kick her out.  So, if Ramona starts trouble at an event by bringing up that George started trouble at an event and got kicked out, Ramona’s getting kicked out.  Maybe Aviva will do the kicking.  Okay, got it.  Not really, but whatever.

Kids, this is what horny goat weed will do to you.

 

 

When Ramona shows up with Mary-O and Avery, Carole runs over to keep the trailer turd and the sex addict apart.  So, everyone stays in their corner, except for the orange horny grabber.  He goes for Mary-O, crushing him in a frightening man-hug.  I’ll confess that I’m liking Mary-O a lot in this episode–dude keeps his cool, even while being crushed by a copper octogenarian.  George is the innocent 80-year-old papa?  Someone needs to check the side effects of horny goat weed.  Does it make one orange with Chicklet teeth?

YEAHHHHH!  I WON!  I WON!  HOLLA!  I WON!  SUCK IT, LOSERS!

 

Apparently, the older guy that Aviva is paired up with is a ping pong champion, but instead of playing, Aviva’s busy pleading, whining, or maybe demanding, that her opponents take it easy on her and loses the match.  In the match-up between the countess and the princess, the princess wins. 

Living in New Orleans, it helps to be a good swimmer.  

 

 

 

24 Comments

  1. 1
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted October 4, 2012 at 11:11 am

    I thought Mary-O did a good job keeping his cool also. There are many men that would not have been so polite knowing that the day before George grabbed is wife’s arm and had to be escorted out of the party.

    I am glad this season is over because it was becoming very tiresome watching Aviva go on and on about Ramona.

  2. 2
    realitytvjunkie
    Posted October 4, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    Good lord please don’t bring Aviva back. She is so annoying, I don’t think I could watch her again. There is good drama that you want to watch because it makes you realize that, to quote the Countess, money can’t buy you class and maybe your own life isn’t so bad after all and then there’s Aviva drama. Just the same bullshit day after day, same narcissism, same cluelessness. And please, take your disgusting father with you Aviva! I am convinced something weird happened with them. He is always talking about inappropriately about her. The time he said somthing like “if you weren’t my daughter…” and then saying he’s dating a woman that “looks just like you only black”. It’s weird. If my husband talked to my daugther like that we’d have a BIG problem.

  3. 3
    Tibi
    Posted October 4, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Carole has really shown what a snake in the grass she is. At the event she said George should leave and saw what he was doing then she tells Ramona that she should apologize. What???? That is the most two-faced, knife between the should blades, back biting comment ever. And she is so disgraceful as to say she would throw Ramona out of her party. Carole is mealy-mouthed and all smiles to the girls faces and then goes to the blogs and diary and goes for the jugular. She is a person I would not want to get near–deceitful, sly and underhanded–but then she is probably always high as a kite, she calls Ramona a drunk but, like it or not alcohol is legal, she admits to smoking pot and pot is illegal so Carole is the criminal here not Ramona. You can fool some of the people some of the time Carole but your underhanded meanness is very obvious. Hope you will not return–go smoke another joint.

  4. 4
    hot cawfee
    Posted October 4, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Sigh…….well we got thru it kids. The season is over—and no one beat Aviva with her peg leg.

    On the upside– harpy and “clusterf&%$” have rejoined popular usage and lets all try to use them in sentences today.

    Maybe Aviva can move to NJ and be a housewife there???? Her sis-in-law produces that show (and sure she began on RHNYC).

    Holla to Heather and Carole–love you alot still–get a stylist please.

  5. 5
    Holyterror
    Posted October 4, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    I think it would be poetic justice if all of the other cast members would do nothing else for the remainder of eternity but confront Aviva every time they met her about how shocked … SHOCKED! … they were that she could be so gauche, arrogant, ill-mannered and ill-bred as to take off the jacket at a charity fashion event after being repeatedly informed that such action would be unacceptable.

    Please, never drop it! For us all.

  6. 6
    Posted October 4, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    The only ones on RHONY I can stand now is Heather (even though I despised her the first time I met her for her Holla!) and Carole. At least there are SOME normal ones. I don’t think the reunion will top the way RHONJ is heading but it should be good anyway.

    Great job this season BSL! A 1,000 HOLLA’s! to you!

    (P.S.-I loved your screencap when Heather won the ping pong tournament. It was really great. Seeing that part of the episode really sealed the deal with me liking Heather. I hope they keep her and Carole.)

  7. 7
    Posted October 4, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    Holla! Back at ya, Parisi!

    Thank you to everyone that took the time to read and comment during the season! I’m hoping we get some fireworks during the reunion episode(s), because we deserve it, dammit!

  8. 8
    Posted October 4, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    …oops. I forgot to include harpy and clusterf&%# in a sentence today, but I will at the dinner table, hot cawfee, I promise.

  9. 9
    labowner
    Posted October 4, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    Was Sonja channeling Olivia Newton John? I was waiting for her to break out in song – “Let’s get physical, physical

    Tibi – I’ll be sure to stay off your lawn.

  10. 10
    LastCall
    Posted October 4, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    If Aveever does come back for another season, I suggest they have a storyline where Ramona & Sonja steal her peg-leg and hide it somewhere in NYC, like Janice Soprano did to that one-legged Russian chick who wouldn’t give back her mother’s record collection. Either that or they could always attack her with it and keep repeating, “Why are you kicking yourself? Why are you kicking yourself? Why are you kicking yourself?” to Aveever.

    This was kind of a boring season to me. Even Luann was dull and hardly did any shitstirringbackstabbing. Plus, her frog boyfriend gets a little uglier every day. Not sure what that’s about. I went back and forth with Heather all season, but right now I’m back to not especially liking her. I don’t hate her, though. Carole is a bit of a meh.

  11. 11
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted October 4, 2012 at 7:51 pm

    I was shocked to hear some terrible rumors that Carole may have not offered her guests a joint in St Barth’s.

    That is not the kind of behavior people’s stuck up and deposed Polish relatives expect out of their princesses.

  12. 12
    circuitmonkey
    Posted October 5, 2012 at 12:36 am

    Derpa derpa do…….i roared at that screengrab.
    .

  13. 13
    hot cawfee
    Posted October 5, 2012 at 7:48 am

    @ 8 BSL– bbwwahhaahhaaaaaaa— am having dinner with Mama Cawfee and Papa Cawfee– can’t wait to spring it on them !!!!!!

  14. 14
    RomoSheDiNT
    Posted October 5, 2012 at 7:52 am

    I like MaryO too, always have. He gives Luanne the business and I like that. He sticks up for his Ramoner too! No matter what… I’m glad this season is over because I cannot stand Aviva or that nasty father of hers! I hope his gross ass doesn’t pop up at the reunion. She better not be back next season. She’s dreadful!! They can bring that pirate from St. Barth to the reunion though! ;-)
    I really enjoyed your recaps, BSL :-) Youz the best and such a great writer!

  15. 15
    NotAlway'sPerfekt
    Posted October 5, 2012 at 8:39 am

    “Do old men have rings that can be counted like trees.” Ooh, the visual I’m getting on that one. Thanks BSL! Still luvs me some Carole and Heather. Now, someone please pass the bong and damn it, who ate my Ding Dongs?! ;-)

  16. 16
    HoosierMommy
    Posted October 5, 2012 at 9:51 am

    Loved your recap! Especially the photo of the orange! Masterfully Done. I thought this was a great season, and can’t wait for the reunion. I’m sure Aviva’s people made sure to tell her to be contrite after the smearing her public image took. What a mess she is. All she can possibly think of is what others can do to assuage HER feelings and treat her with kids gloves because she is just so fragile. “Take it easy on me” in a ping pong game, REALLY? Hold my hand while I get a fish pedicure? When she has everyone fooled by her pretentious “weakness”, she uses their perception of her to manipulate and control them. So pathetic for a grown middle aged woman to behave that way. And that’s my armchair analyis. Thanks!

  17. 17
    Limespring Farm
    Posted October 5, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    I, too, find Carole to be a bit of a phony. I haven’t read her book, so I am basing this judgment purely on her blogs, but as a professional writer myself, I think she tries too hard to go for the superficial one-liners and prove how much wittier and smarter she is when compared to the other poor sods who write their own blogs. She also loves to play the ‘mellow’ observer who rarely shows her emotions, again distancing herself (and thereby, subtly disdaining them) from her fellow castmates.

  18. 18
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted October 5, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    Hey, @ Tibi, I was thinking *almost*the same things about Carole. I don’t have undying hate for her like I think you do lol, but I do think she’s two faced while trying to come off as the “kind, peaceful one”. Yeah, NO.

  19. 19
    Tibi
    Posted October 5, 2012 at 11:57 pm

    No Amy, I don’t have “hate”. I am stating my opinion of this person based on what I have seen and heard. I have an extreme dislike of people who deliberately hurt others and talk behind their backs with animosity. To hate Carole I would have to know her personally–which from what I have seen, I would not care for. Carole is very sneaky and sly and (again, my personal opinion) she is just mean to Ramona. Hope that explains my tirade.

  20. 20
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted October 6, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    Um, Tibi? I was *joking*. You know…being sarcastic? I certainly don’t believe you “hate” someone on TV you’ve never met, I mean c’mon.

    Tirades are fabulous on snark sites. Hell, they make up half the content.

    I was simply pleased someone else saw Carole’s true colors :-)

  21. 21
    jp
    Posted October 8, 2012 at 9:14 am

    If this season did anything productive, it assured that Ramona would be on next season because we suddenly all like her.

  22. 22
    Mimo
    Posted October 8, 2012 at 11:48 am

    You know LuAnn is going to “bring it” to the reunion. After the snoozefest she was this season, that’s about the only thing that can save her job.

  23. 23
    Tmurda
    Posted October 9, 2012 at 3:22 am

    I don’t hate Carole, however, I DO hate her massive overbite, and the “e” at the end of her name. Both are just unneccessary.

    I liked Aviva at the beginning, but my feelings flip-flopped with a quickness when she began her in-dire-need-of-attention-for-her-hangups act. I have major empathy for anyone who has suffered such a life-altering trauma s/a Aviva did as a child, and am the biggest cheerleader of them. But all my sympathy goes out the window when they come off as an obsessive victim who must dramatize every given sitch by somehow relating it to their struggles, and expect me to tend to his/her needs in overcoming an issue instead of enjoying or even participating in something fun and/or important. And if he/she does overcome whatever I just babied him/through, only to drag the drama-fest out with the expectancy of praise and special treatment for doing so, I’m officially over it. I will support a friend/family member 100%, and encourage them by being positive and available to listen whenever they need me, but I won’t sacrifice my enjoyment of things s/a a vacation (the obvious example) to council a perfectly capable adult through a situation they were not forced to be involved in, then make what’s left of it a celebratory praise-fest focused on that one person’s accomplishment. Like Bitch, A) Nobody held a gun to your head, forcing you to get on a plane, B) There’s something called xanax, or Ambien, and such things are easy to find, and will cure your fear of flying if taken just prior to said flight, C) A plane is nothing like a tractor in any way shape or form, so I’m not sure your phobia is caused by or accident, or is even authentic for that matter. It’s not always about you, Aviva….OR your peg-leg. Phew! I feel better.
    That being said, I liked Ramona a little more this season, as some of you did as well. However, she pulled her same-old “Ramona’s World Rulebook” bullshit that keeps her firmly on my shit-list. One being her relentless obsession with “girl’s time”. Whether it’s a dinner party at Jill’s+ Simon and his penis, or St. Barthe’s hubby invasion, this bitch keeps it straight-up college freshman-style with this nonsense. Heaven forbid Ramona act like a well-mannered, mature, well-rounded, accepting adult, who has the ability to enjoy the company of whoever she’s around by conversating in a group as an equal player with enough general knowledge and appropriate social skills to enjoy herself, no matter the sex of the other people present. I get along with all my friend’s bf/hubbies, and pretty much act/talk the same whether it’s just my girl and I, or if he’s present too. This whole concept of “Girl’s trip!!!” is something I entertained up until about age 22 or so, before maturing into a true-blue, more refined adult. The OC bitches are all about this juvenile nonsense too, and it drives me insane. Lastly, I also agree that orange perv should have NOT been at the event in place of his daughter, nor should he have acted as he did, but there’s nothing that annoys me more right now than when a person exagerrrates a story to a rediculous level for a more dramatic effect/reaction in order to recieve the most attention they can get. She told the “arm grab” story like the man death-gripped her entire bicep, then man-handled her across the room, flinging her about like a rag doll. Not a fair picture to paint. I’m just extra-annoyed by this right now cause I work on an ambulance, and my partner i’m stuck with right now will turn a patient with a stubbed toe into a full cardiac arrest by the time she’s told 4 or 5 people about it. Point being, that bug-eyed hooker needs to grow the hell up before I will consider “liking” her.

  24. 24
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted October 9, 2012 at 8:26 am

    Why did Aviva look so awful last night…woof.

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